The three kings of hell

Barbie's bad day

[Open at the Pharmacy in Sloth.]

Barbie Wire: Come on! You can't fire me!

Gerald: Uh... oh, boy, how do I put this? You, job, no more.

Barbie: I barely did anything wrong!

Gerald: Ooh, yeah, well, you got a human killed on the job, which caught the attention of the authorities and cut the supply line.

Barbie: [growls] Oh, fuck off! It's just one ugly-as-shit human! And it wasn't even my fault! [grabs Gerald's hand] Look, Gerald, I need this fucking gig. What happened to the strike system, huh?

Gerald: Well, strike one was the time you rammed the ambulance driver.

Barbie: He was double-parked!

Gerald: Strike two was when you sent that mass email... [shows the email] ...that threatened to, and I quote, "fuck the boss's tight ass and his hot-as-fuck wife."

Barbie: [bangs the monitor] That wasn't a threat! That was an offer!

Gerald: And strike three was killing that ugly human. Now, please hand over your Asmodean Crystal. We'll send half of your remaining check in the mail.

Barbie: Half?! [screams] FINE! [takes off her Asmodean Crystal and throws it on Gerald's desk] Fuck you and your dumb job anyway! Who fucking needs ya?!

[She storms out of the pharmacy, but the door closes on her tail.]

Barbie: OW! [pulls her tail out of the door]

[She takes out her phone and texts Fizzarolli the bad news.]

Barbie's Text: guess who just got fired, have to take the elevator home

[Fizzarolli sends her a meme of a three-eyed demon cat smoking. She notices a puddle on the ground and walks around it]

Fizzarolli's Text: bad timing lol it sucks, was it for being too much of a hot bitch or waaat?

[Barbie continues to walk, but is then drenched in water from a flying waterfall, causing her phone to short-circuit. She growls in anger.]

Barbie: What? [frantically tries to get it to work] No! No, no, no! No! [Her phone dies] COME ON!!!

[Disgruntled, she puts her phone away.]

[Cut to Barbie paying her fare at the Elevator station, then cut to her onboard surrounded by several demons.]

Train PA: We will arrive at Pride, Imp City, in 45 Minutes. [Repeats in Spanish]

[Barbie spots a Baphomet and a Shark demon arguing with each other holding the Elevator in delay]

Baphomet: Pussy bitch! Yeah, go back to fucking Greed, mate!

Shark Demon: Fucking step to me, bro! Come on, step in the elevator, you-

Baphomet: I ain't getting-

Train PA: Due to sudden delays, we will arrive in Pride, Imp City, in 120 minutes. [repeats in Spanish]

[Cuts to elevator's floor indicator switching from Sloth to Greed Barbie Wire walks out and the Baphomet and Shark Demon start making out, much to her disgust]

Baphomet: Oh, you're so fucking shit at kissing, mate.

Shark Demon: You start a fire in me, bro.

[Barbie groans as she walks out of the elevator. later, Barbie walks down the street across from an alley]

Imp 1: I got the good shit this time. Pure crystals. [hands a bag of drugs to a female imp]

Imp 2: Ohh, fuck yes! Oh, I needed this.

[Barbie groans and walks away and heads down the street, then comes across a building called Ricky 'n Dicky's Deli, dons a smile and walks in]

Barbie: Rick! Ricky! Rickety-Rickety-Riick! My favorite sandwich guy!

Rick: Barbie, don't start. You know my dad don't want me serving you no more.

Barbie: Come on, Rick. I've had the shittiest day. [puts on big eyes] Just one widdle sandwich? I'm good for... [dumps four coins out of her wallet] half.

Rick: [grumbles] Fine. [grabs a pair of tongs] But this is the last time, Barbs, you hear me? [takes out an Envy-esque tentacle sandwich] For real.

Barbie: [flashes finger guns at Rick, then leaves with her half-sandwich, though as soon as she steps out of the deli, she sighs then starts eating some of it] That's good.

[Later that night, Barbie arrives at an apartment building, passes an imp that's passed out drunk, then unlocks her door and enters an apartment, when she's embraced by Kendra]

Kendra: Thank Satan you're back! Where the hell have you been? I tried texting and calling, and the phone tracker didn't work-

'Barbie: Ah, no bigs. Walked through a fucking waterfall down in Sloth. [holds up her sandwich] Hungry? I got half of a half of a sandwich~.

Kendra: Oh, for me? How romantic~

Barbie: Come here, you. [hugs Kendra, who starts laughing along with her, then they twirl over to the couch, then Barbie kisses Kendra and gropes her ass before laying her down] Oh, yeah, I got fired.

Kendra: [surprised] What? [she pushes Barbie off] Barbs, you needed that job. [beat] It wasn't for drugs, was it?

Barbie: What?! No! Ha, I got some human killed. [Kendra gets off the couch] You know, thanks to my dumb fuck brother. Wha-wh- why-why did you think that? You know I'm off demon shit.

Kendra: Because when I got home today, I found some of that shit [throws a bag of blue crystals labeled H-8] in the back of the pantry.

Barbie: What? That's not mine. Must be some old shit. Come on, I'm clean. You know that.

Kendra: [sighs] I'm so tired of this. [turns away from Barbie] I just... I j- I just need to figure out how we're going to cover rent. Again. [turns toward Barbie] Y-you know that I stuck my neck out recommending you for that job? And the one before that? I'm running out of favors, Barb.

Barbie: Yeah, well, I never asked you to do that.

Kendra: [angrily] Don't give me attitude. You know what? I can't deal with this right now. Keep your damn sandwich [throws the sandwich back at Barb] and SLEEP ON THE FUCKING COUCH! [slams the door]

Barbie: [cuddles her sandwich] I'm so sorry, baby~ She did NOT have to disrespect you like that. [she heads out to the outside balcony before putting her sandwich on the railing, then takes out a cigarette, lights it and takes a puff. She then looks at the H-8 in her hand and opens it, then dumps it out. The H-8 then lands on the snouts of the Baphomet and shark demon from earlier as their pupils dilate, getting high on it]

Baphomet: What the fuck? [kicks himself off] Get off me, dog! [punches the shark demon in the crotch as Barbie watches them argue again, and goes to eat her sandwich before dodging a throw brick that breaks through her window]

Kendra: (off-screen) Barbie, what was that?!

Barbie: [lightly chuckles] Fuck today. [goes back to the balcony and goes back to her sandwich]

Kendra: (off-screen) Barbie?! (the Baphomet throws a trash can at the shark demon as a car screeches to a halt in front of the latter] Barbie! [the shark demon throws the imp driver at the baphomet]

[As the credits roll, we see a photo montage of Barbie and Kendra; one picture depicts how they first met, the next depicts a date at an aquarium, another shows that they moved in together, another shows an argument between them, another shows them ignoring each other, and the last shows another date but the photo is torn in half]

Post credit:

(Jack is busy going over some paperwork while mark is next to loona.)

Jack: Sooo. What was Loona doing all week while we were up on earth?

Mark: I... don't know.

Jack: Meh.

Mark: yeah same.