Risky Love// h.s.

Chapter 6

*Not edited*

Maddison's POV

As I exit the building, an unfamiliar feeling washes over me. It's a mix between what feels like relief and regret tied into one. I feel a strong sense of guilt, as well, for keeping this meeting to myself. It feels like a big deal, though it probably wouldn't be to anyone else, therefore, it feels horrible to keep it to myself. It's one of those events that make you want to tell someone, anyone, so you aren't experiencing the feelings by yourself. So you can get someone else's reassurance that it will all work out okay. At the same time, however, I don't want to tell anyone, not for awhile at least.

Calm down, it was only a meeting with a counsellor, my subconscious reminds me. I tell myself that it's true, it was only a meeting with a counsellor. It isn't like I did something spectacular that I shouldn't keep from anyone. But even after admitting this, I still can't shake the thought that this is a serious thing for me. This does matter, a lot. To anybody else I would be overreacting, but that meeting was a big step for me. The meetings that may come, if I decide to return, will also be a big step for me. The impact that this man is bound to have on me after hearing about all of the moments in my life that I regret and struggle to forget and let go of can change me. Whether it be for the good, like it was meant to be, or for the worst, I will be effected in one way or another.

I let out a sigh as I stand up straight from the position I was in while leaning against the wall. The brick was cold against my hot skin, and as good as it felt to relax for a moment, I am in the middle of a busy sidewalk and I need to leave.

As I start walking through the mass of people travelling to wherever it is they plan on going, I decide I will stop at the coffee shop around the corner from my apartment before going home. I make it to my car that is parked down the sidewalk from the office building, and rush to unlock my door and get in. It feels good to be by myself inside the small space while I try to clear my mind, rather than outside surrounded by busy strangers with their own personal problems. It really is a strange concept to grasp, that every person you see is dealing with their own issues, possibly ones more serious and draining than your own. It makes me sort of grateful that my problems are not as sever as they could be. Sure, a good portion of my past is not something I love to think about, and I don't speak to my mother anymore, but tons of people that I just walked by on the street are most likely coping with something much more heartbreaking. That doesn't make me feel any better about myself, however, as it doesn't erase what I've been through.

Pulling into the cafe parking lot, I shut my car off and scramble inside. I really need a nice coffee to help me relax and get my mind off of everything before I go back home. My love for caffeine is indescribable, it is there for me in every possible situation. It's my comfort food... or rather, drink. I wait in line for about five minutes before I finally order my usual and head back to my car. The streets seem to be getting busier with each passing minute, and I would like to make it home before rush-hour hits. I would also like to be home before Carly gets there so I don't have to play twenty questions about where I was. She has a habit of being curious of my whereabouts when she knows I'm not working. Whether it be because she is still concerned for me, or she is just nosy, I'm not sure.

I get back just as I see her car pull in behind me, which causes me to sigh with annoyance. I roll my eyes to myself as I shut off my car and step out, knowing I'll have to make up some shit lie in a minute. She smiles when she sees me and we fall into step.

"Where are you getting back from?" She asks with a smile, surprising me none.

"I just went down to get a coffee. " I hold my cup up for her to see, proving to her that's where I've been.