Risky Love// h.s.

Chapter 12

Maddison's POV

I took a deep breath and opened my bedroom door, making sure my notebook and everything I was taking with me was tucked away inside my bag so that Carly wouldn't be as tempted to ask me questions about where I was going. I did not want her asking about what I needed a notebook for and then asking to tag along to wherever it was that I was heading after I made up some lame lie.

"Where are you going?"

That was the question I was bracing myself for.

I looked up from the floor as I walked by the living room area, meeting eyes with Carly who was sat with a book and a cup of steaming tea on the couch. Good, she was already having a tea so she wouldn't need to come to the cafe with me.

"To the cafe down the street. I just want to sit down there for a bit." I shrugged my shoulders and carried on my way to the door, slipping into my shoes.

"By yourself?" She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yeah." I pursed my lips, shrugging once more before disappearing out the door.

I really was heading to the cafe, but not for the reason she was thinking. I couldn't care less if I ordered a coffee or not, I just needed somewhere calm and away from the apartment where I could sit and sort through my thoughts that I needed to write down. A few days had only gone by since my last meeting with Mr. Styles - Harry, as I was supposed to call him now, I guess - and he still hadn't gotten back to me about our next appointment, but I wanted to go ahead and write some things down. I was tired of picking up the empty book and flipping through the blank pages, wondering what I could possibly jot down.

As I stepped through the front door, the bell above my head chimed and the familiar scent of fresh coffee flooded my senses. When I saw that the lineup at the cash wasn't that long, I decided I would get a coffee before sitting down.

"Can I get a latte with a vanilla bean shot?"

I smiled at the cashier when she handed me my drink, and I went over to an empty table by the window. I was thankful that the place wasn't too busy or noisy.

When I placed the coffee down, I leaned on my hand and thought about if I really wanted to start this little 'assignment' right now. I was worried that once I started to think about all of the negative things that had been placed upon me from my father's death, my mother's abandonment, and a man that I regret being able to call my ex I would start feeling depressed. Forcing myself to come up with negative things in my life couldn't be good for my mood in the slightest.

Sighing, I dug through my bag and pulled out the book that Harry had given me and a pen. If I didn't do this now, I would only keep holding it off. So, I opened up the book and proceeded to stare down at the white page for a few minutes before I began to write all of the negative things that had come out of what had happened to me.

I lost my father.

That one was the most obvious, but it was a good place to start. It was the beginning.

I no longer have a relationship with my mother.

I find opening up to people difficult because I don't like talking about my past.

I can't have a casual conversation about my mom - or either of my parents, really. 

Telling people that my mother wanted nothing to do with me was embarrassing, and I always worried about people deciding to ask me about her. I shouldn't feel ashamed to speak about my own mother, but often times I did. And speaking about my father brought me a lot of pain. It brought me happiness as well, but with that joy of talking about him came a lot of heartache.