Trouble

Totally and completely done

Emmettes funeral is today, it has been a week since he died, but it feels like a day ago, we were laughing under the sun. 

I look at myself in the mirror. 'Who are you? Why are you here? You're killing people.' I frown and walk away.

I slip on a black dress and left my hair in natural curls. I grabbed my cork heels and walked out the door.  

At the service, I can't help my tears flow. People sharing the memories about Emmette, made me miss him even more.

I had made my decision about how to stop hurting people. Next week, I will end my life. That's enough time to explain, well enough time to say goodbye, and sorry. "Now, does anyone want to say some words for Emmette?" A voice asks. Sam looks up and ruffles in his pocket and pulls out a sheet, looks it over, and throws it down. He walks toward the stand.

"Emmette was-" he paused. "My best friend." He continued. "I've got the girls too, but Emmette was my best guy friend. The one who, understood where I was coming from. The one I could say guy things to without being weirded out. Anyway, Emmette, I will miss you, and never forget you. Love you man." He finishes. More people talk to Sam before the man in charge came back.

"And let us always remember Emmette, for his funny, and happy attitude, and life. He would not have wanted us to be sad, but to celebrate his life, and be happy. He's in a beautiful place, and is watching over us. Emmette loves us, and Emmette, we love you." I listened to the last speech. I glanced from Kaylee, wearing a short black dress, with her hair up elegantly. Amanda's eyes were piercing blue right now from crying. She has a dark blue dress on, with a light blue head band over her curly hair. Jades petite body, looked like it was about to collapse, but wore a black dress with leggings, and her long brown hair loose. James, was beside Amanda, feeling sad, for all of what happened Wearing a suit and tie with his hair cut short and not jelled. Emily came to support me, she has a navy blue designed dress and has her hair in a bun to my left. And finally, Sam. To my right, the spark in his eyes was gone, and the smirk on his face was wiped away, he was wearing a suit, and had his hair jelled. I looked down at his hand, and touched it. He looked down, and grabbed mine in his.

"Thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of Emmette James Frazer. May he rest in paradise." And with that, the ceremony finished.

After the service, I bussed with Jade, Kaylee, and Sam. The ride was silent, And lonely. The girls saw that Sam and I were closer then usual, but no one cared. They saw it coming. Normally they would be all excited about this, but honestly, none of us can feel anything. 

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I went for a walk with my dog when I got home. I still wore my dress, but I put converse on instead of my cork heels. Some how I end up on a field, alone, with my dog. I take her leash off so she can run around, I sit down. The skirt of my dress puffed up, and I sit curled into a ball. 'How do I apologize subtlety? How do I make my point clear, without making it blatantly obvious?' I sigh and throw a stick for the puppy. I wasn't as strong as I used to be. Sometimes the day just- ends.

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So savannah being suicidal? Okay. I finished the book mostly I guess. Haha see u later.

Stay fagulous :)