Trouble

Jammed

5 days. Then it all ends. For real this time it ends.

"Savannah?" I throw my head up. "Ya?" I see the whole class looking at me, and now snickering.

"I asked you a question- the one on the bored." Mr. J. Says. 'Shit. I can't concentrate.' I think to myself.

"42." Jayden, the smart kid in our class interrupted, helping me out. I look towards him and let out a Thank you face and continued to not pay attention.

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3 days now. Nothing happens anymore, I'm depressed, Jade hangs alone at recess, Kaylee tags along with me, not really paying attention to anything. Amanda and James fight constantly. Sam hasn't come to school, and the group is finished. At this point, they won't even notice me gone.

'I'm sorry. I can't do this, I'm done ruining people's lives. This isn't your fault, I promise. I am sad, and I will be much happier where I'm going. Even if I go to hell. I'm done with this crap.

Jade, I am so sorry. You're one of my best friends, but please understand, I'm not happy. Kaylee, I love you too! I know you get me, I always vent to you, thank-you for pretending to listen, it means a lot to me. You couldn't have stopped me. Amanda, make up with James, you love eachother you're just stressed. I love you, thank-you for being there every step of the way with me. James, keep Amanda, you're good for eachother. I don't know you a well as I wish I could have, but you have stuck with us through all this. Thank-you. Sam... You told me how you felt about me, and I so appreciate that, and maybe if the circumstances were different, it would work. I'm sorry about everything! You're one of my best friends and I'm sorry you have to go through this again. I love you. 

Emily, I love you to death, I'm so sorry. You're my best friend, and always will be! This is the hardest note to write, but I love you! I'm really sorry about this. I'm so happy I got to know you, even though I joke about t, you are one of the prettiest, nicest, weirdest and most loved people I know. Mom, Dad, Cory, I love you all! And I'm so sorry! Please I'm going through a hellish life that won't get better. To everyone who this is addressed to, I will be your guardian angel.. Or end up in hell... I'll keep watch. I love you.' I finished writing my note, which was stained in tears. I fold it up and shove it in my bag to put out on Friday.

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"Guys, wanna do something after school today?" Sam asks coming up from behind me and the girls studying. I wasn't sure where James was, but him and Amanda just had another fight.

"Sure." Jade said.

"Yeah." Kaylee fake smiled.

"Okay." Amanda nodded.

"I uh- sorry. I can't." I look down.

"Why not?" Sam asks hugging me from behind.

"I don't want to change my mind." I mumble not loud enough for them to hear clearly.

"What?"

"I'm busy, sorry." I awkwardly stand up. "I have to leave. Sorry guys." I hug Sam, and walk away.

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Friday. I sit at the end of math class waiting for the bell to ring, wishing I could just get to it.

''Beeeeep''.

I grab my bag and leave my binder with the note it, on my desk and leave. 

I glance towards Emmettes old locker, and just as I am about to walk towards it to wait to walk home with Emmette, I am reminded of the gut wrenching pain. Emmettes dead. I sigh and look away. Left foot, right foot, left foot right foot, I stare at the ground, only to run into Kaylee.

"Wanna walk together?" She asks.

"I'm actually not going that way today." I smile and lie to my good friends face. I alter my course to my home. Breathing is difficult, I can't concentrate, I have almost got hit by two cars already. What if Mr. J finds that note before any one is supposed to?

I jam my key into the lock and twist it the right way, and feel the lock shift under it. I drop my bag when I get inside and stomp to my room. Dana trots in after me, trying to greet me, I lay down on the ground and visit her. I will miss her, I feel bad. I'm a failure as a mother to my dog. Well, I'll see her someday. My mom wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow, and I was okay with that because I will have time, to commit. I can't bring myself to take the pills, there's to much thinking time. Take a razor blade and slit my wrists. Everything's white and fuzzy, more blood than ever before. Why did I do this? The pain is so much, it's almost num. fate did this. I wish I could change my fate. I wish things happened like they did in the movies. With happy endings.

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Dead. BAMMM sexual. Haha oh my god http://youtu.be/DHtP2nNnALk I love this song, I forgot about it for so long. Wweeeoooo have a sexual day :)

Bet you thought I'd forget

Stay fagulous.