Gemini (Supernatural Rewrite Sam x Reader x Dean)

Ghostfacers!

A/N: have this early! i am going on vacation and won't be updating on Sunday as usual. <3

-

"Hello there, dear reader."

Harry Spangler sits alone in what appears to be someone's basement, dressed in a tuxedo, bowtie slightly crooked, one hand wrapped around a half-empty glass of bourbon he almost certainly should not be trusted with. Beside him, Ed Zeddmore sits just as proudly overdressed, his own suit ruined immediately by the bright yellow Converse on his feet.

"I am Harry Spangler," Harry says, lifting his glass as if he is hosting something far more expensive than this.

"And I am Ed Zeddmore," Ed adds, leaning forward with the kind of seriousness usually reserved for hostage negotiations. "And if you're reading this, congratulations. You have excellent taste in stories. Which, obviously, you already knew. You're here, aren't you?"

Harry nods solemnly. "Today is your lucky day."

"Because we have a special treat for you," Ed continues. "This episode is a bold new frontier in storytelling. A brave, experimental, highly interactive form of entertainment."

Harry raises his free hand and makes air quotes. "'Reader insert fanfiction.'"

He lets the words hang there, expecting applause. 

"How cool is that?" Harry asks. "You get to go on a crazy adventure with us for a change. Not those dickweed Winchesters. I mean, what do they know about hunting ghosts?"

Ed clears his throat.

Harry glances at him.

Ed keeps staring.

Harry slowly lowers his glass. "Right. Sorry. Got a little heated."

"We understand the wait has been difficult," Ed says, turning back toward the reader with a gentle, practiced expression. "After our groundbreaking debut in 'Hell House,' you probably thought, where are Ed and Harry? Where did those handsome, brave, pioneering investigators go?"

"Forgotten," Harry mutters. "Abandoned by lazy fat cats."

"But we're back, baby," Ed says, snapping his fingers.

Harry points directly forward. "And better than ever."

Ed reaches beside his chair and somehow produces a cheap plastic skull, holding it in one hand as the lights slowly dim around them. The effect is clearly supposed to be eerie, but the basement setting, wrinkled tuxedos, and Harry's bourbon glass make it feel more like community theater after dark.

"Our team faced unspeakable horrors to bring you a story that will change your world forever," Ed says, lowering his voice. "So strap in for the scariest three parts in the history of..."

He pauses.

Harry looks at him.

Ed frowns. "Fanfiction?"

Harry shakes his head slowly. "No."

"No?"

"In the history of your life."

Ed's eyes widen. "Yes. That's better."

Harry leans toward the camera. "Strap in for—"

"What the hell are you idiots doing?"

The lights flick on all at once, harsh and fluorescent, making Ed and Harry both squint like startled raccoons. For one second, they seem to think one of their friends has interrupted the scene. Then they spot Dean standing in the doorway with Sam just behind him, and both of them groan.