Madness

chapter 17

Chapter seventeen

During the last couple of days I 've spent my time with Alice, Harry and Niall. I guess that we all just got a long really well and decided that instead of focusing on the negative press that was surrounding Harry at the moment, we would have some fun. We stayed in and played video games, ordered pizza and just laughed about stupid stuff. Harry and Niall decided to take some free days and we spent them all together. In the first couple of days we actually went out to restaurants and cafes.

Both Alice and I were now well known faces to all of the directioners and they actually accepted Alice. Me on the other hand they completely and utterly loathed. They were happy that Alice was seen with Niall, although they were totally confused how they actually started hanging out. But they knew she was a huge fan and that made them keep their hopes up about someday dating one of the boys. They didn't approve of me. I don’t know what it was but the few times that we actually went out in public together I got so many mean and negative comments that it easily would have sufficed for an entire lifetime. Clearly they weren’t happy that I and Harry were together, saying that they knew it wasn’t going to last and how I was just another girl. Harry always told me not to care what anybody said, and I really tried, but honestly it was hard.

Harry and I decided to spend his last free day alone so we didn’t call Alice or Niall to meet up with them.

 “I don’t want to leave this bed.” I said as I snuggled into Harrys chest.

“We need to get back to the studio, management are already angry at Niall and me for taking some time off.” He replied while carefully stroking my back.

He looked so happy and relaxed so I didn’t want to bring it up again, but I felt that I had to for both our sakes.

“Harry you’ve got to talk to Leah.”

He instantly stiffened, and I knew that he still was very uncomfortable with talking about it, but he had to face it sometime.

“You know that you are only avoiding it because you’re scared.”

“I know…” he said while he sighed heavily. “I just want to ignore it.” He started kissing my neck to make me drop the subject. It had worked several times before but I had decided not to give in.

“Harry, seriously.  First of all you need to talk to Leah about what she is going to do, and then you need to demand a paternity test to find out if it’s yours.”

 “But what if it is mine Hanna?” He snapped as he pulled away from me. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with a child? I’m not ready, I can’t take the pressure and I really don’t want to have a child with Leah!”

“I know that you’re scared but it will be alright. You can work this out with her.”

“And you’ll leave me…”He said, so quietly that I almost couldn’t hear him.

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Why would he be afraid that I would leave him? No one’s ever been afraid of me leaving them before.

“Harry. Listen to me, you have to talk to Leah and we can figure out our whole situation later because even though I’ve had the best weeks ever I need you to sort things out with her before we could ever be something real.”

I regretted my words in the exact same seconds that I said them. I knew that I hurt him but it was true and it had to be said.

“So what we have now isn’t real?” He slowly asked, still not looking at me.

“All I mean is that you have to talk to Leah. Call me when you’ve done that”

I could feel myself tearing up so I decided to get out of bed. I wasn’t used to this; the drama, the hate the constant fear of being replaced. So I left.

As I entered my apartment my eyes were already watery because the whole way home I had replayed our conversation in my mind over and over again and regretting how I had ended things. I shouldn’t have left.

“Hanna, is it you?” I heard Alice screaming from the kitchen. “Come say hi!”

I entered the kitchen and found her and Niall cooking pasta.

“Hey, I thought you were going to be at Harrys… wait what’s wrong?” She said as she saw the expression on my face. She wrinkled her eyebrows and walked towards me embracing me in a hug.

“I screwed up.” I whispered to her.

“The pasta can wait.” Niall said as he sat down at our table. “Come. Talk.” He waved me and Alice over to him.

“What did he do now?” He asked me obviously assuming that he’d dumped me, as he had with all of his other girls.

“It wasn’t him it was me.” I said while Alice and I made our way to the table.

“What did you do?” Alice asked confusingly.

“I told him that he needed to sort things out with Leah before we could ever be something real.”

“You’re right.” Niall answered. “He’s got to talk to her at least I mean he’s been running from it far too long. I know Harry and he is afraid of confrontation and drama. His method has always been to ignore it.”

“But he can’t ignore this.” Alice continued. “I mean it’s a baby for fuck sake!”

“You did the right thing; I mean you have to be honest with him.” Niall said.

“I know but now I’m scared that he doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

“Now why would you think that?” Alice said as she hugged me around the shoulders.

“Because I am just another girl to him. He is going to replace me, or sleep with someone else or dump me completely like he did with all of his other girls. Everyone knows it.” I said, letting my heart out. This was what I was really insecure about. But how couldn’t I be? I was seeing one of the most famous and good looking people on earth. Who wouldn’t be scared to death?

“Hanna, seriously I’ve known Harry for a while and I see the way he looks at you. Not to mention the way he talks about you. He won’t shut up about it. It’s annoying really.” Niall said, while giving me one of his cheeky smiles.

“I bet you that he is the one that is worried about losing you. You know that he has his insecurities as well.”

“I know. But I just want him to talk to Leah so I can get her out of my head.”

“You are absolutely right about that.” Niall said with a big grin. “But now you have to call him or something. He is still under a lot of pressure and I think the best thing that you can do is to be there for him.”

“Niall, you should become a therapist.” I said, finally managing to smile.

“I know I have actually thought about changing my profession.  I think tweed would suit me. What you think babe?” He said, directing his question to Alice.

“Only if you have shoulder pads and big bowties with it.” She said as she smiled at him.

“I’m going to call Harry.” I said as I walked to my room.

Truth be told; I wasn’t. I wanted to see if he would actually talk to Leah or if he would ignore it and therefore ignore me. I started digging in my bag to find my phone and Harry had texted me.

I’m meeting Leah later tonight. Please don’t be mad, I want to see you.