Heaven Is

Tour and Problems

August 1981

High N Dry was released about a month ago, the boys had gone on tour, I haven't seen them since. Sav and Rick call me everyday, telling me how they're doing and how much they miss me. I've been sick for the past couple weeks, I must've come down with some sort of flu. Karlie got worried and took me to the hospital.

We sit in the room waiting for my blood work to get back. Karlie sits on the bed with me, with my legs on top of hers.

"You think you're okay?" She wonders.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say and she looks worried.

"Should we call Sav?" Karlie asks.

"No, he's got more important things to worry about." I tell her.

"He said to call if anything went wrong." Karlie reminds me.

"The flu isn't anything to worry about, Kar, I promise." I smile. "Besides if I worry them too much they'll want to come back. I know Rick." My brother.

"If you're sick they're going to worry." She reminds me as the nurse walks in.

"So Miss. Beaumont, you're blood is healthy but did you know you're pregnant?" The nurse wonders.

"Pregnant?" I repeat.

"Yeah, about two months." She says.

I run my hand over my stomach, I hadn't gained any weight. I've just been sick, morning sickness. Jesus Christ. Karlie has the same look on her face as I do. Pure shock. I'm going to have a baby, Sav's baby. I'm eighteen years old.

"Can we call Sav now?" She says quietly.

"Yeah." I whisper.

I sit in front of the phone. I know the number to the hotel they're staying in. How do I even start? How do I tell someone that I'm going to have their kid? How do I tell someone that they have to be with you for the rest of their living life? I take a deep breathe and go to dial the number, the phone rings instead.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Baby, I've got to talk to you." Sav's voice rings at the other end.

"Yeah, me to." I say.

"I gotta say this first." He says quickly.

"Alright." I answer, that gives me more time to figure out what I'm going to say.

"I'm sorry, babe. I got really drunk last night and I woke up next to this girl." He starts, my heart breaks.

"Did you sleep with her, Rick?" I wonder, blinking away the tears.

"Yeah. I did. I'm so sorry. Molson, I love you. I don't want to lose you." That's the first time he's said that he loved me.

I've only ever felt this feeling once before. When they told me my parents had died in the crash. I went numb and felt like I was going to be sick. How do you say goodbye to someone you never said hello to? It's the same feeling. Tears stream down my face, I love Sav and I'm pregnant with his baby. He cheated on me.

"Babe, you're not saying anything." Sav's voice returns.

I hang up the phone and run to my room. I slam the door as loud as I can, shaking the whole house. I pull out my suitcase and start packing it. I'm going home, to Montreal. Karlie comes in and hugs me.

"He cheated on me, Karlie." I sob into her shoulder.

"Where are you going?" She pats my head.

"Home. I'm eighteen, I can claim my dad's house." I say between sobs.

"Okay, if you go, I'm going with you. You can't raise a baby by yourself. I can get plane tickets for the end of the week." Karlie smiles. "It's going to be okay."

I ignore all calls for the rest of the week. On Friday morning, I finally decided to answer the phone.

"Molson." Rick says in his big brother way.

"Rick." I say.

"Hold on, he's not right. Sav, he didn't mean what he did. He was drunk, I know that's not an excuse but Molson--"

"Rick, I'm pregnant." I say.

"You're what?" He wonders.

"I'm going home. I can't stay here anymore." I admit.

"Does he know?" Rick wonders.

"No. Please don't tell him, please." I say.

"I won't but please don't go." He pleads.

"Rick, I can't." I say sobbing.

"How are your hormones?" Rick asks with a laugh.

"It's not funny." I say but laugh anyways.

"I love you, little sister." He says.

"I'm ten months older than you, little brother. I love you to." I say wiping my eyes.

"He loves you, you know that right?" Rick says sweetly.

"I love him to, but I can't forget that." I say.

"I know, will I ever see you again?" He wonders.

"I left my information with your mum." I say.

"Good. Be good." Rick says

"I am good, you be good." I say. "Take care of yourself, Rockstar."

"Take care of yourself, little one." He says and hangs up.

I hug my grandparents and thank them for taking me in before going to the airport. Karlie and I climb on the plane. Off to Montreal, I'm going home.

I stand in front of my parents' grave site. I sob uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I'm sorry mum." I say crying.

I'm eighteen and pregnant, not even that it's a famous bassist's kid. This isn't what they wanted of me. They wanted me to go to school and make something of myself. They wouldn't be proud of their daughter. I'm not what they wanted, all I want is for them to be in heaven proud of me.

"I'm sorry mum, I'm sorry dad." I sob.

In that second it all sank in. I'm going to have a baby, Sav's baby. I love him but can't be with him. I'm back in my childhood home, with pictures of my parents on the walls. I'm going to have a baby in my hometown. Karlie is living in Montreal. I'm going  to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby.

Holy shit.