Heaven Is

All About May Flower

"I want to know everything about her." Sav says as we pull our clothes back on.

"Well, what do you want know?" I say as I fix my t shirt. My tattoos sit idly on my forearms.

"When did you get those?" He gently takes my arm, tracing the tattoo on my right arm with his finger.

"A year or so ago." I say.

On my left arm is a cross with my mum and dad's names in it, their birth dates, and death dates. On my right forearm is the words April Showers Bring May Flowers and May's birth date. Sav studies the tattoos then looks up at me again.

"February 14, 1982, her birthday is Valentines Day?" He wonders.

"Yeah." I admit, sit to on my bed again.

"December, January, February." He says sitting down beside me, "Consecutive months."

"What do you want to know about her, Sav?" I wonder and he smiles.

"I want to know everything that happened from the time you found out you were pregnant to the day you had her. I wasn't there and I should've been." Sav admits taking my hand.

I love him, I truly love him. But what if it happens again? What if he gets really drunk and... I've got to try for my baby, she deserves a daddy, every little girl deserves a daddy.

I tell Sav all about my pregnancy and all the doctor's appointments. He listens intently but I can see him beating himself up inside and he shouldn't be, I'm the one that left. Sav holds my hand like he used to, his fingers laced through mine and rubbing his thumb along mine.

"She's so smart, Sav." I tell him. "She loves hockey and the Montreal Canadiens. Her favourite thing on this planet is orange juice."

"That all sounds familiar." He says with a laugh, knowing that I love the Canadiens and orange juice. "Why'd you name her May Flower?"

"I think you know." I admit.

"I want you to tell me." He replies.

"Happiness after pain. After you told me about, yeah. I was broken, I was eighteen years old, pregnant, and my boyfriend cheated on me. I was in so much pain. Then May came around, it's impossible to be sad around her. She's my May Flower, I'll always have something to look forward to." I admit and Sav smiles.

"It's beautiful, she's beautiful. Molson, you're beautiful." He looks down at our intertwined fingers. "I didn't tell you enough. I took you for granted. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"How's all of this going to work?" I wonder. "We live in two different countries."

"Move back to London, I got a big house now. We could be a family." Sav tells me.

"How about this, I'm going to be here for the foreseeable future, until I know Rick is okay.  Let's see if we can be together before I move out here." I figure.

"Like boyfriend and girlfriend?" He asks confused.

"Apposed to what?" I wonder. Did he think we were just going to get married?

"No, nothing. Yeah, boyfriend and girlfriend it is. I mean it shouldn't be that hard, we did just do a big part of it." Sav adds with a smile.

"That's how we got into this in the first place." I admit and he laughs.

"So are we going to tell May?" He wonders.

"Oh shit. It's one thing to tell you but how do I tell May?" I wonder.

"It can't be that hard, go get her." Sav says and I nod.

I get up only to be pulled into his lap again. Sav kisses my shoulder blade before turning me around to kiss my lips. I kiss him back and he holds on to me tightly. I pull back and he smiles.

"Come back now." He says quietly.

I walk down stairs to see everyone still on the couches. Phil looks up at me when I reach the bottom of the stairs, May sits on his lap playing with his hair.

"You were up there a really long time." He says as I walk over to the couch. "You want your kid then?"

"Yeah, I kinda do." I say as I pick May up from his lap.

"Did you guy make up yet?" Joe wonders.

"By the look of the time, I'd say they made up five or six times." Steve laughs.

"Are you made up then?" Karlie asks.

"I think so." I say looking at May.

"So what happens now?" Karlie asks.

"I'm not sure yet." I say. "We'll see how this goes."

I walk back up the stairs, I look at May before we go into my room.

"Baby, do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?" I say and she nods.

"You said when the time was right I'd meet him." May says quietly.

"Well do you want to meet him?" I wonder and she smiles.

"Yeah, but wait, Sav is in there with you." She says and I nod.

"What if I said that was your daddy?" I say as I open the door.

I give May to Sav and he holds her close to him. They talk for a while and I smile. When I was eighteen, this was all I wanted. I wanted Sav and my baby and me to make a happy family. Now being twenty two, I want the same thing. I want to be a family, I think Sav is serious when he says it to. Sav is going to be a great father.

I love him. I love the idea of having this perfect little family. I just hope Sav and I can make it work, we were together for less than four months before. Can we make it forever?

God, I hope so. I don't want to be twenty three and a divorced single mom. Can I love him without getting hurt? Can I trust him that much?

With all these questions I look to him interacting with our daughter and they all melt away. Maybe I'm being an idiot for believing this, I don't think Sav is going to hurt me anymore. I think he wants this as much as I do. I don't want to be hurt again, more importantly, I don't want May hurt.