I don't love you like I did yesterday (Frerard)

Chapter 6: Expecting

Gerard's P.O.V

As I was walking home by myself, I felt a wave of depression falling over me. What I said to Frank...I did mean it. It's just, Linds and I, we're not really an item. But I stayed with her after we-

We got drunk one night at a party...one thing lead to another and, well, we thought she was expecting a baby.

I swear, I know I should have been more careful. Frank had always been my best friend, and I'd always wanted it to be more than friends. I loved Frank, but if Lindsey was pregnant, there was nothing I could do. I'm not that type of person. I loved her, but like you'd love family. I couldn't leave her with a child if I tried. If I had a choice, I would have left her. I was happy, but I could have been happier with Frank. I'd wanted to tell him that for a few weeks, but until Lindsey found out if she was pregnant or not...I guess I'd just leave it.

"Where have you been, Gerard? Oh let me guess, with Frank. Can I remind you who your girlfriend is?" Lindsey yelled.

"Calm down, Lindsey, he's just ill, I had to take care of him. Projectile vomit and stuff." I slouched into my chair mumbling.

"Well you could have called. You could have let me know, y'know?" She said, a lot queiter now. If I didn't know any better, she was feeling sorry for Frank.

"So, did you...get the pregnancy test?" I gasped at my own words. I couldn't believe what I'd just said. I wish I could take it back. You're better than that Gerard, you're so stupid. Why would you ask that?! Idiot. I beat myself up in my head.

 "I- yes, it was negative," she spoke slow, almost a whisper.

I sat for a while. Silence filled the room. I felt an unfamiliar wave of relief come over me.

So now I could tell Frank everything. About the party, and the drunken mess we got ourselves into. This would all be cleared up. I'd break things off with Lindsey and start new with Frank.

He'd be my Frankie. I could express all of my feelings for him. All of them. I have nothing to hide now. Suddenly, a huge chelsea grin exposed itself upon my face. Oh, crap. Holy shit, I couldn't control my emotions. It just happened, it was there, pure happiness on my face, and Lindsey was hurt.

"Gerard, what's wrong with you? What's gotten into you?" She pleaded. "I've just told you we're not having a baby together and you're smiling? Do you even have any feelings for me at all?" She started screaming, almost close to tears.

All I manage to choke out are the words "I-" and "Y-you see," until I give up with a sigh.

"Gerard, I think you'd better go..." Lindsey whispered, her voice close to breaking.

Great, kicked out from Franks and now my own home. Way to go Gerard, seriously. Way to go.

Where the fuck am I supposed to go? What am I going to do? Where am I going stay? I can't go back to Frank's, he probably hates me. No, he does hate me. I can tell. Lindsey wants me dead, and I don't blame her. I was unfair. I didn't even give a valid explanation. How much lower could you sink Gerard? Is all I could think to myself, wandering the dark, lonely streets of New Jersey.

To be quite honest, I was scared. I was genuinely scared of where to go and what to do. Mikey was out with Ray and Bob at a concert. I'd decided to take a raincheck as Frank wasn't feeling too good. If only I'd had gone to the concert, I would have a place to stay right now.

But if I had have gone to the concert, on the other hand, I wouldn't be in this situation, and I wouldn't have told Frank how I felt. I hadn't told him how I truely felt yet, anyway.

That was it, I was going to do it. If I hurt Lindsey, she'd get over it. Let's face it, she is hot. She could get any man...or woman she wanted.

I walked up to the rusty old door, and placed my fist gently, resting my head on the door. I took a deep breath before knocking three times, slowly regretting every single one of them. 

Maybe I should just go, I thought to myself, but my train of thought was cut off by the key in the door turning and the latch of the handle opening, revealing a very tired, pale looking man.

He didn't look like Frank at all. He resembled Frank, but his eyes were red, blurred, swollen. Tears stained his cheeks. He hadn't got changed since the last time I saw him. He still had the duvet wrapped around him in the same position.

"Frank-" I started, but I was cut off by a shuddered whimper coming from Franks throat. His lips trembled and he turned away.

"Please, go away, Gerard," his voice was almost a whisper.

I disobeyed Franks orders, and stepped inside, slowly shutting the door behind me. I placed a hand on Frank's shoulder and spun him around quietly to face me, examening every single feature of his pale, washed out face. I raised a hand to the side of Frank's face and my thumb slowly traced his eyes, his cheekbones, and eventually his lips. I leaned in ever so slowly.

"Gerard- don't, please," Frank whimpered from behind his duvet. He turned his head quickly to the side.

Once again, I placed a finger under Frank's chin and pulled his face up to mine. I leaned in for the second time. This time Frank didn't move. He couldn't. He stood, solid as a rock as my lips crushed his, sending shivers down his spine.

After realising what was happening, Frank's arms snaked around my neck, pulling me closer. I laughed a nervous laugh.

"I've waited so long for this," I mumbled against Frank's lips.

"Hm, now you know how I felt," he smiled.