I don't love you like I did yesterday (Frerard)

Chapter 14: Sometimes I think I'll die alone.

It had been a week. I'd been released from the hospital, but Jamia wouldn't leave me alone. I knew she felt bad for what she did, but I couldn't stop blaming her. Even though she is good company. 

I'd rang Gerard over a hundred times, but there was no answer every time. I left him voice mails pleading for him to talk to me or to answer so I could at least hear his farmiliar voice once again. His beautiful, soft, heart melting, husky voice.

Ray and Bob wanted to see me, probably to tell me how stupid I'd been. Mikey wouldn't even talk to me. He'd been with Gerard every day since the hospital incident.

I met Bob and Toro at Starbucks. It hurt, since this was generally mine and Gerard's place, but I sucked it up and got on with it.

"Jesus, Frank. Have you been sleeping? What the- have you looked in a mirror? Your eyes! You need sleep!" Bob cried, causing a lot of attention and eyes to be on us which I really didn't want.

"H-have you even been eating? You're so skinny, Frank..." Ray whispered, picking up on my mood yet lifting up my wrist and wrapping his fingers around it to show how much weight I'd lost. I couldn't care less. I'd lost Gerard, what else was there to live for?

"Hm," was all I could say. I was speachless at how much they actually cared about me. I thought they'd hate me.

"Why do you care?" I muttered under my breath, but they heard.

"Why do we care?!" They both shouted in synchronisation. I drooped my head and slouched backwards into the seat, banging my head on the back of the chair.

"Well, yeah. I mean, what I did to Gerard. I've jeopordised the band, Gerard's in bits, he won't talk to me, he won't answer my phone calls or texts. I just want to hear his voice one more time," I sighed, choking up and sniffling. Ray made hugging gesture for me, but I refused politely. It would bring back too many memories of me and Gerard snuggling. He must have realised because he dropped his arms at once and looked me in the eye apologetically.

"Well, uh, Gerard actually sent us to talk to you," Bob added quietly.

I lifted my head. "Really? What did he say?" A smile began to form across my face, but it faded straight away.

"He said to tell you to stop calling." Ray broke eye contact with me. I guess he couldn't bare to look at me. I choked on my words and swallowed hard, shutting my eyes, holding back the urge to break down right there. "But Gerard said you can perform with us once more, y'know, before he finds a guitarist to replace you." Ray added cheerfully.

"He's replacing me?"

Bob and Ray both stared at me, they'd never seen my cry before. I didn't even realize I was crying until I could taste the saltiness of my tears. I sniffled and dropped my head again, allowing my hair to cover my face.

"Okay." was all I managed to say.

That night I remained awake, thinking about my last show with Gerard tomorrow hurt too much. But I had a plan, and a damn good one. Eventually, I got sleep.

Five minutes before the show and my nerves were kicking in. Would my plan work? Would I win Gerard back? Right then he wouldn't even look at me. Hell, it was worth a try. Maybe I'd finally have meaning after this show.

On stage I gave it my all. Nobody but the band knew it was my last show. Nobody suspected a thing. I'm Not Okay finished and I came in with The Sharpest Lives. I'd been waiting for this. I waited until the end of the song to make my move.

Because I'm so small, I stood on an amp at the front on the stage and threw myself into a passionate kiss with Gerard. For a moment, I thought he was kissing back, then he flipped out.

Gerard grabbed me by the arms and viciously pulled away, venom in his eyes. He threw me around and pushed me away from him, but my guitar strap was stuck on his arm. He spun around sending me flying across the stage, splitting my eyebrow open on my guitar.

I sat on the floor for a few minutes, processing what had actually happened. It didn't work. Gerard really hated me. I was really being replaced. I was never going to see him, or the rest of the band again. I'd been completely iscolated.

I looked up to see Gerard. He was kicking things into the audience; water bottles, mic stands. My eyes filled and I sat there, unable to move. I'd never seen him like this. I couldn't take the sight anymore. I dropped Pansy, my guitar, and walked off stage. Noone followed me. I heard Gerard introduce the next song from backstage.

"And this one, is one that I wrote recently, dedicated to the events that have accoured this past few weeks. It's called I don't love you." He choked and his voice broke on the word 'love' and my heart broke in synchronisation.

He wasn't angry anymore; he was crying. I'd done this to him. 

Then, he started to sing.

Well, when you go

Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay

And maybe when you get back

I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe

You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know

So take your gloves and get out

Better get out while you can

When you go would you even turn to say

"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading

So sick and tired of all the needless beating

But baby when they knock you down and out

It's where you oughta stay

Well after all the blood that you still owe

Another dollar's just another blow

So fix your eyes and get up

Better get up while you can,

When you go would you even turn to say

"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?

Well come on, come on!

When you go would you have the guts to say

"I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"?

I don't love you like I loved you yesterday

I don't love you like I loved you yesterday.