Fucking gilinsky

t w e n t y

(a/n: created new book called naked. should check it out.)

I close my bedroom door and walk to my bed. I run my hands through my hair as I take a deep breath. Who am I? I don't even know anymore. I feel like I've been loosing myself little by little. Everything that I have done or even thought of hadn't been me. I haven't been thinking rationally at all. I should have control. I would never be doing the things that I have been doing lately. They have been all my choices. I can't reflect them off of someone's else.

I wish I had someone to tell. Someone to cry to. Someone to explain to but yet there was no one left for me. I had nobody.

Who would understand anyways? This whole situation was way more complicated and not common in my world.

I wasn't fit for this part. I thought my life would be simply and happy and full of success but instead it was the opposite.

Everything has been a big mess and it all started with me.

Losing my virginity to a stranger was a big mistake but letting my brother finger me was the stupidest biggest mistake I could of ever made.

It didn't matter if I thought if he was hot or not. He was my step brother. Family. People would judge me and disown me if they knew the truth.

I could serve jail for this. This was illegal.

A secret like this couldn't be kept long. It was bound to get out.

Maybe I should inform my mom. Save the conflict from occurring later on. It would be better for her to hear it from me then hearing about it from someone else. I could imagine her face and the horror she would feel. She couldn't disown me right? She was my mother. She wouldn't do that.

I got up from my bed and walked downstairs. I enter the kitchen where I saw my mother cooking innocently.

Stay strong.

"Mom I need to tell you something."

My hands were all sweaty and I could feel the butterfly's in my stomach turn to bees stinging away.

"Yes, what is it." She stops what she is doing and looks at me.

This is it. This was the last moment I had before everything would change.

"I-I......."

(a/n: Cliff fucking hanger. sorry this actually really crappy but it's whatever. i fwmyself.)

- bri