Fucking gilinsky

e i g h t

[ 08 ]

I paced around my room figuring a way to avoid Jack. It didn't help the fact that he lived here and it would be two more days before he came back in this house.

The events of last time runs through my head as I attempt to force them out. I can't bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror. I probably look like a mess and I feel dirty.

How could I have let this happen?

This was beyond out of my range. Out of anybody's range. I have crossed the line.

It may not be haunting him but it was for me. It was tearing me apart inside.

My decisions lately haven't been thought through, more like just what my body wants which is yet what I can't understand. I haven't been thinking rationally.

I don't want to loose my virginity to him. I don't want my first anything to be with him.

Someone so horrible and rude doesn't deserve to do that to a person. Why can't I stop thinking about him though? I told my self I was just trying to figure out a way to avoid him but now I don't know if I'm doing that anymore.

I need some pros and cons.

Let's start with cons first.
Cons:
-he's unbelievable rude
-he doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself
-he's so cocky and for no reason
-he thinks its okay to run me over
-his personality is horrible
-he's not even attractive

Pros:
-okay maybe he is just a little bit attractive
-his jawline is amazing
-I felt a small connection
-I can't stop thinking about him

Of course the cons win. That was true him and there wasn't any way around it. Nothing tragic happened in his life so nothing could have just made him this way. Maybe he was just born like this.

I turn off my lights and crawl into bed. If this continued on I would be the only hurting. I would be the only feeling worthless and dirty. I would be the only one who had that humanity that crushed me because maybe I wanted more.

(a/n: a freshman was hitting on me and trying to make get into bed with him. at first i thought it was cute bc he tried to be cute but then he was being sexual and shit and im just like no hoe. if u like then vote and i luv ur comments. they're so funny and chill so continue to do that. they honestly just fill me with joy. add to library and share with fam.)

- bri