Taming Life

Surreal

Have you ever had a moment where nothing else in the world matters? Where you're just feeling so many emotions and your heart is ready to burst out of your chest. You could get killed in the next second and it wouldn't even matter because you'd have experienced this incredible moment. And part of you wants to just pause that moment forever, so that you can keep feeling like this for the rest of your life. But part of you is so excited to feel more things, to see what's going to happen next. And you know that you never ever want to forget what this feeling is like. It's the kind of feeling that could bring you out of the saddest mood; it's the kind of feeling that could stop somebody from ending their life.

There really weren't any words that could come close to describing what Alex' lips felt like on mine. Her lips were so soft, and they tasted like something new, but yet also like something I'd been missing. Kissing her made me feel warm, and it was like something had been awakened inside of me. My hand went to her cheek without thinking about it. Her cheek was so soft against it. And when had I closed my eyes? I hadn't realised that they were closed. I felt Alex' hand on my back, pulling me closer to her. It felt protective, and it made me feel wanted. My lips and the place on my back where her hand was were both tingling. I'd never felt like this before and I never wanted it to stop. My heart was beating so fast that I didn't know how I was alive anymore. I could smell Alex more than I ever had and she smelt amazing, I could have smelt her all day and been happy. My hand made its way to her hair and tangled itself in it. Her hair felt so soft.

As we pulled away we both opened our eyes, and I saw the smile on Alex' face. It made me smile. Had she really liked kissing me that much? She was blushing as much as I felt like I was. We both giggled and looked down, avoiding looking at each other. And then we looked right at each other and nervously giggled again. Alex went to take the popcorn bowl and the rubbish into the kitchen and I sat in the living room, feeling bewildered about the whole thing. I was shaking, and I tried to control it before Alex noticed. But it was like the more I tried to control it, the more I shook. And my heart was still beating really fast. I couldn't believe that that had actually happened. It had felt better than any other moment in my life. I had imagined this moment a few times, admittedly. But I'd always doubted that it would ever actually happen. Was I dreaming this entire thing? I was so deep in thought that I didn't realise that Alex had come back into the room. She poked me gently and I looked up, surprised.

"Am I interrupting your thoughts?" She asked and I laughed.

"Of course not." I said, and giggled nervously.

"Do you want to watch another film? I just got The Fault In Our Stars." She said, and I smiled.

"Yes! Let's watch it, I'd love to." I said excitedly, and then blushed even more, feeling like an idiot. I was being over the top, I thought to myself. I had to tone it down. She giggled at me.

"Let's watch it then." She said, and got up and swapped the DVD in the player. We started watching it. It's such a beautiful love story, I just adored it. I was still shaking a little, and I found myself looking at Alex a lot whilst we watched it. We both laughed at the same time at some of Augustus' jokes, and I couldn't help but notice how she looked when she laughed. Her eyes lit up, and she threw her head back a little. She smiled widely as she laughed, and her laugh was such a happy sound. I couldn't help but laugh more as I looked at her. Her laugh was contagious. It was the kind of laugh that you could hear in amongst a room of fifty people, and everyone would join in. 

As the film went on, Alex leaned her head on my shoulder. I felt my heartbeat speed up as she did, and my cheeks were turning red. We reached the point in the movie where Hazel and Augustus kissed for the first time and I held my breath. It was such a sweet film; I'd loved the book so much when I read it. I could feel Alex looking at me, her head still on my shoulder. I looked back at her, and our eyes met. I smiled, and she smiled too. And then we both went back to watching the film again. My head leant against hers, and I could hear my heart beating fast more than I could hear the film.