Rants and Poems

Rant- Punished Deeds

Rant- No (Good?) Deed Goes Unpunished

How many of you have siblings?

I have two younger brother, so that makes me the oldest. I'm a pretty stereotypical first born/older sibling- I "set the example," take care of them when mom and dad are at work or out for the night, I give them advise, and show them tough love.

More times than not, I'm made the "bad guy" amongst my siblings because, HELLO, I'm the oldest. Is that really a solid reason for getting all the blame? Just because I'm the oldest doesn't mean I know better. I still act out like sticking the middle finger, which I did earlier. I yell and argue with my brother, which I did before sticking the middle finger and locking myself in my room.

Yes, you can call me a chicken shit for running away from a fight. However, I could tell that there was no use in arguing with a young man that was taught to believe he is always right. I could tell it was going nowhere and that in about a minute it was going to turn into all out shouting.

You might be wondering what on earth happened during dinner. Yes, we fight during dinner, but it was almost done, anyways. It started with my youngest brother (Thing 1). He said he was done with dinner when the second oldest (Thing 2, don't worry. We actually call them that) said "no." Thing 2 wanted Thing 1 to sit back down and eat, but Thing 1 threw his dinner onto the counter and said to Thing 2,

"Fine, you put away my dinner, then."

"Thing 1, eat your dinner." Thing 2 shouted back.

"My stomach hurts, okay!"

"Thing 1, throw away your dinner. Come on, Thing 1, I'm trying to be nice. Please, put away your dinner." Thing 2 said clippedly.

Things were silent for a moment and then I said calmly,

"Don't worry about it. He'll get in trouble."

Thing 2 said that we, as the older kids, would get into trouble because we were "teasing" and "being mean" to Thing 1. I told him that wasn't true, it wasn't going to happen. Thing 2 insisted that was. Now, if you're starting to think that Thing 2 is being paranoid the way I was, there's something you should know about him.

You see, as the big brother and second oldest in the family, he does get into trouble with my dad for the things Thing 1 does. When Thing 2 tries to correct Thing 1, my dad yells at Thing 2. Thing 2 anticipates punishment if Thing 1 does something wrong, like not putting his food away. I don't think it's fair, but that just how he's been conditioned.

So, we started fighting.

I told him he had to stand up for himself, if he lets people walk over him then they're going to keep doing it. He asked for an example and I mumbled, "I see it all the time."

"If you're going to say you have backbone, say what you just mumbled to my face."

"I see it all the time!"

"When?"

"Whenever you fight with Thing 1."

He get defensive and started spouting random occurrences between him and Thing 1. To me, they made no sense. Literally, it was just gibberish.

We started to fight about advice.

"Why won't you just take my advice?!" I said.

"Why don't you take mine?"

"Because in my experience, what you do is wrong."

"Well, you could be wrong."

I was just done at that point. I told him I was done, I didn't want to talk about it. It was during dinner, our parents were in the other room, and the conversation was going nowhere. Then, Thing 2 had to open his big mouth again and insult me. I can't remember what he said, but it had me out of my seat and my dinner in the trash in ten seconds.

"Yeah, why don't you go to your room and lock/hide yourself in it all night."

"Because I like to."

Thing 2 insulted me again and that's when I flipped him off. I told him I was done and didn't want to talk anymore. And he just kept on mother fucking talking!

Thing 2 said something about being older and being able to do what I want because I stuck the finger. I tuned him out and slammed my door shut.

Just fuck.

That had me so riled up that I had to type it all down because I'm just that mad.

I just don't know why I try! Really, whenever I try to give my brother advice, he just blows up in my face and says that I'm wrong and that whatever I say wouldn't apply to him. I try to help him and he throws it my face. And now, I'm on the verge of tears because I don't know what to do.

Damn all to hell, I'm crying! I don't freaking cry! I don't like to and now I am. Thank you, you jackass of a brother.

For goodness sake, my advice and words are appreciated by complete strangers and not by my own brother. What the hell is up with that?! I 'm done! Fuck, giving him advise. Let him figure it out. I'm a firm believer that every experience is different so let him have his life experiences. Let him think he'll always get yelled at when it isn't his fault. Let him make his choices and take the consequences. Nothing is going to penetrate that thick, big-headed skull of his. I'm done helping him. I'm just threw with it.

I will admit it though, I said some pretty awful things to him. I could've worded things differently. I could've stayed calmer. I could've stood my ground like I was telling him to do. I could've sat down and explained things to him. I could've done a lot of things. However, what was said cannot be taken back and what's done is done.

I'm still done giving my brother advice. I'm still mad at him though I'm calmer about it. I've stopped crying and in a few hours it'll be morning. I know for a fact my brother will still be mad at me, even if I apologize. And I'll most likely not talk to him for a few days. Though, it's not like we talk a lot anyway.

I'm sorry for ranting. I just needed to let off steam.