Rants and Poems

Rant- Thank You & "What Do You Believe In?"

*A/N: This particular rant is not meant to offend anyone, so read with caution. If you have a complaint, please contact me first before you go reporting this. I will happily make changes to this rant if someone comes forward and says something.

WARNINGS: mentions of sexual orientation, possible confusion, and "coming out" to family.

Thank you misguidedhoudini! Thank you for introducing me to 'The Word Alive.' Thank you for planting the seed of curiosity to look up these bands that you were mentioning because without you following me earlier today, I would have never found 'The Word Alive' probably until much later.

Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for misguidedhoudini. Through this wonderful being, I have found the lyrics, "I'd rather die for what I believe than live a life without meaning" and the inspiration for my next rant.

Earlier today, I was looking through my profile and happened on one that I could not remember following, which is odd because I really do try to remember them (I only have twenty-five so it's not a big deal). So being the curious cat that I am when I'm on the inter-webs, I clicked on the profile. I was scrolling through the conversations portion, trying to find the message I usually leave for someone. Anyway, I couldn't find it and happened upon a different convo that caught my attention.

As far as I could tell, this person [A] messaged the profile keeper [B] that I was acquainted with about being of a different sexual orientation from what is considered "normal" (I don't know if the person was a boy or girl. I believe that anyone can pull a girl's picture up or a boy's picture up or a freaking squirrel and say it's them). This person didn't know how to tell the rest of their family that they were of a different sexual orientation and the profile keeper also happened to be in the same position.

Person A said they were _____ and Person B also said the same thing. Person A wasn't sure how to tell their family they were _____. They had already told one family member, but felt like they had to keep the fact they were _____ away from the other family members because the family was religious. My family is also religious/has different expectations so I could understand that.

I could not message this person because Person A had reached out to Person B for advise, not me. It wasn't my place to same anything, even if it was on a public conversation board. Person A went to Person B for advice because Person A trusted Person B so, no, I did not intervene. Though now I wish I did say something because whoever's reading this is probably swearing at me and cursing my name, grave, and children with some shiz I don't want to mess with.

Now, the reason "I'd rather die for what I believe than live a life without meaning" hit me so hard and the reason I'm thanking misguidedhoudini is because I believe that we should not be afraid to express who we are. I find it endearing when I see same sex couples walking together because I think back to three years ago how that was nearly impossible to do. (I live in Hawaii and it was practically a no-no. I doubt anyone got super violent like crowds of people, but it was kind of like "Oh... you're ___" or completely ignoring the couple, which is also bad...). I think about three years ago... five years ago... ten years ago and can't help, but think "You guys found love."

You find love where you find love. It doesn't matter "where."

I have never stood up for the _____ community. I have never had a reason to stand in or step up for them. I don't go looking for fights, it's never truly effected me or my family. I have never seen open brutality toward _____ individuals or couples. Probably because Hawaii is relatively peaceful and we tend to stay in, but out of each other's business. (That probably made no sense to any of you). Yes, I understand that by saying nothing I'm encouraging suppression or whatever. But you know what, if I picked every single fight I have ever had, I wouldn't be helping anyone. I would have exhausted myself to the point where I wouldn't have made it to any of the "final battles." There are more battles to fights and I know I have to choose which ones I take part in.

AH! Now, I'm seriously ranting and I need to close this up.

My point is stand up for what you believe in, give advice and piss people off because they "didn't ask you," and most importantly feel safe, feel right about doing it.

I firmly stand for being who you choose to be. Whether that means you have decided to be who you are or if biology has dictated who you are and you decided to follow/deviate from that path. Specifically for sexual orientation, I also believe that no one has to know. Sure it feels like you're keeping a huge secret, that option is not for everyone really. I'm okay with it because... well, I know how my family would react and, to me, they honestly don't need to know. If my family found out I was pansexual/bi-sexual then it would just be more of a fuss than it's actually worth. I haven't started dating yet and so they all think I like guys only.

No need to kick up dirt when it has already settled... for the most part.

On another note, if you feel like you must, like you cannot keep your "secret" then brooch the subject gently. Don't just go blurting it out, unless your family would prefer that. Don't do it at a family dinner or a family gathering because it's not an appropriate setting "to make a big revealing." Do it somewhere everyone feels safe, especially you. If you need the support, tell one family member first then tell another. I don't mean keep a secret forever and forever, just so they aren't totally taken aback when you tell the next family member. Do not believe in this talk about "fixing" you or "healing" you or "changing" you. It does not work.

It does not work; I've tried. I've tried to stop liking girls, to stop being attracted to them and you know what, I can't. Beauty is measured, according to scientist, on how symmetrical the face is. (People step away from the mirror and don't be drawing lines down your face... even invisible ones. Sweetheart, just don't). I can't just tell my brain, "Stop looking at how that girl's face is symmetrically pretty." I can't tell myself, "Stop thinking that girl has a nice smile, J." Because you know what, I have eyes. And even, if I didn't, if the person has a nice personality, I'll probably be attracted to them to some degree.

Poop! Okay, I just realized I am in no position to be giving advice. Yes, I know, I could have deleted everything and started over, but you know what I'm not. So take my advice or don't, it's totally up to you. Just remember while you're standing up for what you believe in feel safe, follow your gut. If something doesn't feel right then don't do it.

So, what do you believe in?