Rants and Poems

Dream Talk 2

This probably won't be long, but every time I say/think that, it ends up being long.

Anyway, hey guys.

So, last week, a guy friend texted me and said he wanted to hang out. He ended up calling me and well... he said he would give me two weeks to think about where I wanted to go. He said he'd call me in two weeks and he suggested going to the monthly fireworks show.

I always give the excuse that I'm busy (preparing for finals) or I don't have a ride (I'm not allowed to take the bus) or something like that. It irritates him because we used to hang out. Granted, it was during summer vacation, I wasn't in college yet, and I snuck out of the house.

It was all very difficult.

I haven't given him a straight answer and he didn't call when the two weeks were up *fist pump*. I know that's really mean of me, but... I just don't trust him like I used to. He chose his ex-girlfriend over me, not just as a friend, but also as a girlfriend.

I was happy for him when they got back together. He was really happy and I told myself if he's happy than I'm happy. It was true the whole time, but... I opened up my heart to him and he rejected it. My whole way of think revolves around the idea of "I will trust you until there is a reason not to trust you." I say he can't be trusted. I say there's no reason going down the same road twice. However, I got a new set of eyes on this situation.

I'm really close friends with this girl in my class. She had the same problem except she's the one that kept giving her ex a chance, while her current boyfriend had to sit on the side lines. She told me that it is really hard for her to get over her ex because there was a lot of history (2+ years). So she can understand where he's (my guy) is coming from. Then again, she said that she doesn't know him so she couldn't give me a good answer; she's really good at reading people, incredibly intuitive. That's another thing!

I, more likely than not, follow my gut, my feels. I don't get good feelings off of my guy friend, not anymore at least. I don't know if it's because my guard is up around him after the whole he-got-back-with-his-ex situation or if I'm really reading him. Scary thing is my good friend from high school said she didn't like him then. She's... my gosh, if you met her, she could have you down on paper in the first hour of meeting you. She's scary like that. Not that she judges a book by its cover, it's just that she just sees what's in your head. I swear she could be a good psychologist one day... or business woman.

You know... I think I made my decision. I'm not going to go out with him, if that's what his intentions are/were, which I highly doubt it, still an option though. I just can't trust someone like that. On top of that, I'm still confused. I haven't decided if I still want to date guys or girls. I just know I don't want to date him. My rule is still no dating friends.

You hear that it's better to date your friend, but I've also heard to opposite. It just depends on the person. So why this whole talk about this guy friend of mine when the title of this part of "Dream Talk 2"? Because I had a dream about him.

I can't remember what happened before, but we ended up finding each other and holding hands. I can't remember if I was happy or if it was one of those friends holding hands kind of thing. I took that as a good sign, but somehow the dream bled into something horrible.

I'm not sure how, but I wasn't with my guy friend anymore. I was by myself in this metal building or the interior was metal- metal stairs, metal walls, metal floors. I don't remember there being any windows, but I remember there being overhead lights. At one point I was panting and I was hiding around a corner. I think I was on the second floor and as I looked out, there was blood everywhere.

The room I was looking into was huge, nothing but floor. There were people laying on the ground, they had been decapitated. There were still people running around, but I couldn't tell if they were killing people or if someone was trying to kill them. I hid, but I don't remember running. Then, it was over and I woke up.

So yeah, I took that dream as a definite sign not to go out with him, date or not. Not that I think he was trying to kill people or whatever, it's just I don't have a good feeling about him.

ALRIGHTY THEN!

Enough of this depressing, cruddy bull sh*t. Let's talk book, my future projects.

If anyone is still reading this, you'll see that the title for this book has changed. This book will still be for rants, but other things will be added to it.

I will be starting an advise book. JackIsMLG says I should "Totally!" start one so I'm going to. Anyone want to give me my first prompt or ask me a question about something?

On top of that, I think I'm going to start an astrology book as well. There are things  that most astrology books, that I've seen, don't include so I'm going to make my own. It'll probably be more on the mature side so, if it comes to that, there will be a 'mature' status on it.

I think that's it for this part of the rant book.

Thanks guys,

J