Rants and Poems

RANT- Well... That Happened

Thursday November 19, 2015

Hey guys,

My week was going pretty well, I'd say, until today. More specifically two and a half hours ago.

I had classes today at the local community college. I was already running late for my first class, but I didn't miss anything, which was awesome. However, I got a figurative headache from learning about limits and parabolas and vertical asymtotes and horizontal asymtotes. Just... oh my gosh, shoot me, please.

Well, it's the next day and I've calmed down...

Long story short, my friend asked me out yesterday. We were pretty good friends, talked when we could because we're both busy. I've told him stuff and he's told me stuff.

I had a feeling that he liked me, but I was really hoping that wasn't the case because I'm really confused. We'll go back to that later.

He asked me to the movies as a friend and then as a date. I said 'no' both times. When I got home, he texted me and asked me not to talk to him for a while because he needed to think. He said that he'd talk to be later and that we could still hang out if I wanted. I mean I get it, but... every time I hit that "You want to go out sometime?" moment, I can't stay friends with that person. I've tried and it never works, things are just awkward.

Now, I'm kind of sad that I may have just lost another friend.

I said earlier that I'm confused. I'm not sure if I want to date guys anymore. I shouldn't be f**king confused! I'm turning twenty in four months some things in my life should be mostly set. I should be sure of who I am and who I want to be. I feel at this point in my life, I shouldn't have to second guess myself, especially not with my sexuality.

So yes, I'm debating whether or not I'm bisexual while leaning more toward girls or a lesbian. I'm not even sure if I want to date anymore.

UPDATE: I'm listening to "Happily Ever After" by He is We and I'm tearing up :( Go listen to the song, it's good. If you already know it then you know what I'm talking about.