Rants and Poems

Rant- S.W.A.G.

Hey guys,

Jeez, you must be so fed up with me talking about my cruddy relationship stories. Well, I think, this one is for the books. It might take a while to explain so please, bare with me. If, you don't want to read ahead then just know I really, really, REALLY, don't like guys right now.

If you are reading this next paragraph, it means you want to know what happened to me today (11/12/15). Or you just want to hear more about crappy relationship skills. Okay, from the top, ladies and what little gentlemen there are in this world.

So, I'm in theatre class this semester. For those of you who don't know, I'm in college. It's my second year, so no, I'm not that old :P Anyway, this semester I met a lot of great people and one of those wonderful persons is in ROTC (Reserved Officers' Training Corps). She (yes, a girl) was talking to this guy, call him George, in our class. He was flirting with her and they seemed to hit it off okay.

From what I heard, damn I feel like I'm in high school again, George had a girlfriend so he said-she said. Then, George and his girlfriend broke up and he started to flirt with my friend again. I don't know how long the time period was between broke up and flirting, but whatever, not my business.

Now, my friend and I both agreed we would not go out with him. We had our different reasons, but my main reason was he gave me the creeper vibe. Before you jump on my throat for judging, my gut feelings are right about eight time out of ten. So yes, I am bound to follow those odds. But not only the creeper vibe, he gave me this... vibe that a lot of guys give off, at least around me. It's the confident, even cocky, I-can-show-off vibe. I do not like that vibe. I've spent my whole life around it, I've found guys that I wanted to date like that, and the last one that gave off that vibe, broke my heart. So NOOOOOOO, I do not like that vibe.

My friend and George got to talking and as it turns out, he asked her out like a bunch of times. She had to turn him down because she's super busy- ROTC, full time student, and two jobs. Yeah, she has her hands full already. That was one of her reasons- time. She really doesn't have the time to fancy the idea of dating.

Earlier this week, my friend told me that George stopped talking to her and she was cool with that. In fact, she's been sending the not-interested messages, so she figured he got them. I thought things were normal, but guess what guys? Nothing is ever that easy.

Two days ago, I bump into George, while I'm heading to my math class. We get to talking about classes and, of course, theatre. We talked for max seven minutes and then we had to go to class. See normal, right? Are you guys getting the "Oh no" thought already?

Today, I bumped into George again. He was leaving/parking on the campus and I'm already passing the cafeteria when he starts calling from behind me. I turn around and he's all sweaty and I say,

"Jeez, what'd you do run here?"

"Fast walk. Listen, I was thinking. Would you want to get coffee or go to a movie some time?"

I start laughing and giggling and saying "wow." I was not making fun of him, but... to be honest, he's the first guy that's asked me out directly, that's what I told him after apologizing. I was just so shocked.

I told him I'd think about it. So, I text my friend and I tell her everything. Now here comes the kicker ladies and gentleman, this is why I'm mad at him. She told me George asked her out the day before.

WHAT THE MAJOR FUCK?!

WHO THE FUDGE DOES THAT?

Who in their right mind would ask two people out in two days when all the three parties are in the same freaking class?!

Do you guys have any idea how awful I felt? How much my self-esteem shattered?

Don't get me wrong, my friend is a solid eight, if not a nine. No joke, she is pretty, strong as hell because she's in ROTC, and smart...

If you're not following why I'm mad then let me explain further. See, I told you this would be a long story.

I've been placed as second best three times in my life time. First time was in high school. My junior friend was going to ask my freshman friend to his junior prom. I was trying to set them up because he was a good guy, at least in my eyes me, and I thought they'd be good together. Prom was fast approaching and he finds me in my math class...

SHIT, math class is just not a good class for me!

Anyway, he asks me to his prom instead, because my friend couldn't/wouldn't go. I was a fucking freshman and I get that shit thrown in my face. Really? An already self-conscious, short, shy, freshman was being picked second. Great day for me, right?

Second time was when I started hanging out with the guy I liked. I told him I liked him and he knew that, but he kept saying he didn't want a relationship, so I left it at that. However, it's really hard to drop it when he wants to do things that couples would- cuddle on the couch, go to the movies together (just us), go to fairs (again just us). Then the day I'm supposed to meet him to hang out, he says, "Let's take a rain check."

I later find out, he got back together with his ex. Second best, again. Like I was feeling like crap already. And, NOW, today... REALLY?

Man, there must be something seriously wrong with me for people to think that they can just throw me aside when something better comes along. No, I'm not trying to be conceded. I'm not trying to toot my own horn. I'm not pretty by science standards. I'm not skinny. I look skinny, but don't you dare put me in a bikini, just no. I have average smarts and I'm a freak/geek/nerd at any given time. I love myself just the way I am, but it's really hard when people keep putting me in second.

You know, this may just be the reason why I become a lesbian. My friend from my language class says she thinks a lot of gay/lesbian people are gay/lesbians because something happened to them that just makes them feel safer with the same sex. And you know what, no offense, I'm starting to believe it because so far only maybe one or two of my girl friends have seriously hurt me, but I can probably count guys who have hurt me on both hands.

I guess the whole point of the story, the moral if you will, is... if you plan on dating someone, I don't care if it's just to coffee or a movie or a romantic dinner, make sure they feel special. I want you to treat your lovers like they're the only one for you. Like... they're your first choice, not your second. I'm not say, "Don't date." I'm saying show some class and don't go asking people out with just twenty-four hours in between.

Please, don't make someone feel as bad as I do... It really hurts.

Thanks for reading,

J

Relationship Status: Looking for my gentleman :')