This is one of my everyday struggle. Try to hide my fat under bigger clothes.
This is probably the reason why I always hated shopping, because no matter how much I tried to like it like every other girls, I couldn't look at my body in the mirror after trying something and think about something positive about the way I looked.
Everytime I try something one, it's either too tight, or making me look bigger.
I've came to the point where I don't even really know what my real size is, I just try something on and take several sizes bigger.
I guess I've never tried to know my size because it's changing from a brand to another, from clothes on the internet and clothes from a proper shop, it's just really hard to know exactly what my size is and I wouldn't want to try to calculate how many centimeters every sides of my body mesurate.
So yes, I'm insecure, it's not something new and even if I still am insecure, I feel like my highschool years were the worst years with this topic.
It's when I gained so much weight even if I was already overweight, it's when I tried to hide my body under very large clothes, with large cardigans on top of them to hide my backside and the upper part of my body. I just couldn't let a fat roll slip and catch anyone's attention, especially around my stomach and under the material of my bra.
It's just really embarassing to me, because I feel like people would judge me, be like ''oh some of you is trying to escape'' and Lord knows I can't take these kind of jokes. It hurts.
People think it's funny and that I would laugh with them but it's not.
Well, even if I used to wear very big and dark clothes in my highschool years, I just realized when I started going to university that the clothes you wear can make a very big difference.
It just depends on the size you take, the cut of the cloth and the color, usually the color of it looks better or not according to your color of skin, but still, the way you're dressing can make you look and feel so much prettier because wearing darkest colors are not really making us look slimmer, in fact it also depends on the cut and the size of your cloth, it can also make you look bigger if it's not adapted to your body shape.
I recently started to wear more colorful clothes, it's easier in summer obviously but I was not used to this, actually I used to wear large black or brown dresses with black thighs because ''it made me look thinner than I was'', I was so wrong.
I started to take care of my appearance, to wear jewelry, to try new styles even if it bothers me to not be able to wear some clothes I would love to buy because it wouldn't suit me, but still, it's a start, and I'm glad I changed this because I was looking like I just woke up from a two days sleep 24/7.
Making a change on ourself is a very long path, it's not something that happens from one day to another, it takes time to make little efforts here and there to change permanently something that we didn't like about ourselves.
I started my own journey here, and I'm here to support every single person who would like to do it too.
I thought a lot about this and I came to the conclusion where I had to make a change on myself in order to feel better.
I tried, really hard to love myself the way I am but it just didn't worked so I'm taking the other solution I have left.
