Here it is, the reason why I hate, even fear shopping : the clothes.
Whether I'm with my sister, my mother or some friends, shopping is really a hard time for me.
So many clothes are beautiful, and stylish is my opinion but I can't wear them, because it's not fitting, because these are made for people with a different body shape.
So I get upset, I get mad and I almost cry when I'm trying them on at the shop because and when I see how I look in the mirror I can't help it because my fat is showing, I can't help but see that I probably need a bigger size or even another shirt, dress and even worse with pants.
I never find pants because my thighs are really big, actually so big I can't see my behind if I'm not looking on my side.
I always try to find pants but it only looks like I'm bigger in them, the cut is not great and when I finally find one that looks great, it actually doesn't look great on me.
So I hate shopping, I love bying new things, jewelry, shoes, accessories, bags, but I really hate clothes because I never seem to find what I would like to wear.
And I end up wearing things that are not even my style but that fit me, I found myself loving fashion, different styles, but since these kind of clothes I would like to wear don't look good at all on me, I can't even show my real style.
Whenever I go shopping with my sister, she says it very bluntly ''you're too fat to wear that'', I remember a few years ago I actually broke down crying in the changing room after she told me something like that.
Because I couldn't find something that I liked and on top of that when I did, I was too chubby to wear it.
I really started to change my style this year, with this wasted diet from January to May, at the beginning since it was still very cold where I'm living I kept wearing these very comfy and big sweaters and I will probably do it this winter too.
But I started to wear jewelry what I strongly avoided for the past years, I started to take care of my (very) curly hair and I tried to let them down once in a while.
When summer came, I also started to buy different clothes, I bought colorful clothes, with different cuts, I like to wear long dresses in summer with bright colors too so I wore them a lot, I really tried to make effort this year to change my style because being overweight is one thing, but you can actually use your curves and find clothes that can look great on you.
It's hard to do this when you keep telling yourself that nothing would fit, nothing look great, but just a certain color, a certain cut, a certain accessory can make a huge difference on your look, you just have to find it.
I saw this tweet the other day ''I would look so great with a slimmer body and a bigger bank account'' and how accurate is that ?
I really don't like to complain because I always think about these people in the world who have nothing, who are struggling with their life, and I just feel like this whole ''story'' is one big complain, but like I said, I needed to write down things and move on with my life.
So that's what I'm trying to do.
