Change my mind

Leave

Castiel was quite disappointed when Dean said he was going to leave. But he couldn't force him to stay. Since Cas hasn't eaten in a while, he decided to grab something small. Just some left over's from their previous dinner. Anna went to bed already, Gabriel was upstairs and studied for a test and Balthazar went out with friends. So Cas was pretty much alone right now but he enjoyed the silence after this exhausting day. He took his plate and walked into his room. Since he rested a little while Dean edited the video, he didn't watch it yet but decided to do so now. He opened his laptop and opened the file. Castiel never realised how dorky he looked when someone was filming him. Well how should he. It was some great work though. Dean put in great scenes and the way he put them together were also really good. At this point Castiel was really glad that Dean helped him out. It probably wouldn't be that good when Castiel did the video on his own.
After making the dishes and telling Gabriel to finally go to bed, he got ready himself and laid down in his bed. It was an exhausting but great day and he was glad he could spend it with Dean.

Castiel woke up by sun shining right into his face. He groaned to himself a little and rubbed his eyes. Today he decided just to relax. Anna, Gabriel or Balthazar could take care of the twins today. Slowly he stood up heading straight for the shower. Tiredness filled his whole body and a cold shower would probably get him awake. After putting some sweatpants and a way too big shirt on, Castiel went downstairs to get some breakfast. Gabriel and Balthazar sat in the living room watching TV with the twins. "Cassie, great you're here now you can-" Balthazar started but Castiel knew very well where this was going so he interrupted him.
"No I'm not going to watch out for them today. It's your turn now." Castiel groaned taking out a bowl, milk and cereals. Luckily Balthazar didn't say anything else. He knew how much Castiel actually had to do with them. Quietly he sat down at the dining table and ate his food. Every once in a while a laughter came from the living room and he just waited for his sister to come down and make a scene.
Suddenly the main door opened. Was Anna gone? He didn't notice if yes. His head turned towards the hallway and then he saw his mother and father. Out of everyone he never expected them to come home. They were gone long enough and suddenly they came back. "We are home, children." The sound of his mother's voice echoed through the house. After a while he faced his brother who were also very surprised. "What all these noise down here?" The tired voice of his sister rung out.
"Anna, darling. Why are you so sleepy?" Their mother asked and by then she realised what was actually going on.
"Oh, I just feel kind of sick and didn't sleep well." Castiel could hear the huge lies in her voice and wanted to say something but he thought it was better if he just kept his mouth shut.
After finishing his breakfast, Castiel went into his room again. He didn't want to spend any time with his parents. They leave them for months and come back acting like a happy family. Unfortunately he would now have to actually eat with his family together instead of on his own.

"Get down for lunch! And Castiel, wear something normal!" The voice of his father echoed through the house. Cas only groaned by his order. Now he couldn't even relax on his free Sunday. He changed into some black skinny's and a white tee. That should be enough normal for them. Slowly he made his way downstairs and sat down at the dining table. Everyone was sitting there but still there was an awkward silence filling the room while eating. Years ago they used to talk and laugh while eating but this time has gone by long ago.
"Mom, Dad, guess who is back." A mean grin suddenly formed on Anna's face. No she wasn't going to do this. Why would she do this?

"I don't know. Who?" Their mother asked. Both of their parents were now facing Anna and Anna was facing Castiel, who gave her a death glare.

"Dean Winchester." She answered not stopping to look at Castiel.

"That Dean Winchester, who got our little boy into depression at this young age?" Their father now asked and Anna only nodded.

"I wasn't depressed, Dad. I just couldn't handle it." Castiel threw in.

"We know best, that you were depressed! And I don't want you to see or hang out with his kid! You will be punished if we notice you around him. Don't even say anything against it! We don't want you to have contact to someone like this!" His father said angrily.

Castiel looked at his brothers in hope they would say something but they didn't. Great brothers he had there.
"I'm not hungry." Castiel then said and just left. He knew he was going to get in trouble for that but that didn't matter to him for now.

Gabriel told Cas that he was going to meet Sam today. Balthazar was working on school stuff and Anna was allowed to go on a date. If their parents would act the same way about Sam, when they knew that Gabriel was hanging out with him? But they didn't have a reason to be mad at Sam. They probably didn't even know him.
Gabriel left a while ago. When seeing Sam, Castiel realised he would have to tell Dean to leave him alone. He didn't want to break the contact but he had to. Actually why should he? He rebelled once why not rebel another time? Sighing he took his phone and texted Dean. For sure Dean would reply and not just let it be. Well maybe he just accepted it when he didn't answer anymore.
A short while later the door bell rang. It was probably Anna's date. Now he would be left alone with his twins, Balth and his parents. Great. Castiel just sat at his table and surfed through the internet. Then someone stormed into his room. He expected it to be his father after what happened at lunch. But when he turned around, he saw Dean who just locked the door behind. "Dean?! What are you doing here?! I told you to leave me alone!" Castiel spoke in shock.

"You think some weird message saying I should leave you alone would make me actually leave you alone?!" Dean was about to yell but he kept quite. Though he gripped Castiel by his shirt and pulled him up.

"You need to leave me alone Dean! Just accept my decision!" Castiel hissed at Dean. How did he even make it in here?

Then suddenly Dean pushed Castiel against the wall, staring straight into his eyes. Do not get weak for his eyes. Castiel thought.
"You can't just tell me to leave you alone over a stupid text message, without naming a reason, Novak." Dean's face was close to Castiel's. He could feel Dean's breath meeting his. Castiel couldn't get a single word out of his mouth. Suddenly Dean crashed his lips onto Cas'. To his own surprise he returned the kiss. It was angry, rough and it made both of them wanting more. Dean turned Cas around and walked over to his bed. Soon Castiel got pushed onto his bed and Dean crawled on top of him. But before it led to something more, Castiel realised what they were doing and pushed Dean off, accidently pushing him onto the ground.
"I can't do this." Castiel shook his head and sat up clinging his arms around his legs.
"This is wrong. I've got a girlfriend and I can't do this." Castiel didn't face Dean for once. Even though he felt the eyes of his friend resting on his body.
"Leave Dean. Leave me alone. Just leave, please." Castiel nearly cried out. He didn't know why but this was just too much for him. Way too much. Luckily Dean just left. Castiel let his head drop onto his knees and tried to realise what just happened.

*************************

This did not go as Dean planned. He said goodbye to Castiel's parents and then left. Did he really just kiss him? And where the hell was this leading? Dean shook his head while getting into the impala. Lost to his thoughts he drove home. There was light burning inside of the house when Dean pulled up onto the parking lot. His legs just carried himself into the house even though he felt pretty numb. He closed the door behind himself and walked straight into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" He heard his brothers voice. "I'm fine." Dean simply replied and took a beer out of the fridge. He always did when he was stressed. Dean collapsed onto the couch and turned on the TV. The only thing he heard from his brother was a sigh and his footsteps. He was left alone again. Dean felt lonelier than he ever did. Did he lose Castiel? But more important, what did he do wrong? Except from kissing him.

Dean nearly fell asleep when the main door opened and his mother entered the room. "Did you wait for me?" She softly asks while walking up towards him. "Yes." Dean tried to give her a soft smile but he knew it wouldn't be true so he just let it be.
"What's wrong honey?" Mary asked concerned. She always noticed when something was wrong. And a 'I'm tired' excuse never counted.
"I've made a huge mistake. Well one I don't know about but then I made another mistake." Dean explained putting his face into his hands.

"What happened?" She inquired, sitting down next to him and putting her arm around him.

"Castiel texted me that I should leave him alone, delete his number and just leave him alone. I don't know what I did, we didn't fight or anything. He just texted me this. Then I drove to his house and we... discussed and then I... I kissed him. It seemed like both of us enjoyed it but then he pushed me away telling me to leave again. I left but I don't know what I have done wrong... except from kissing him... Did I lose him?" Dean felt tears building up in his eyes.

"Oh honey, did he not tell you anything? You need to ask him. Even if he told you to leave. Do you like him?" He could feel Mary's eyes on him.

"What if he doesn't want to talk? And yes, he is my friend.." Dean murmured.

"He will talk. You just should not rush it. If he tells you to leave, he at least has to give you a reason. Do you love him?" Her last question burned into Deans brain. He didn't know. Did he love him? Well why would he have kissed him then? He just didn't know.

"Easy to say... I- I don't know.. I often had this weird feeling filling my stomach when I look at him. When our eyes meet. I enjoy every second I spend with him and I'm sad if I have to leave him. It's stupid." He sighed.

"Sweetheart, you're in love. And if you love him go fight for him. You are a Winchester, you don't just give up, you fight for things. If you want I'll make a great dinner for both of you. You invite him over and you talk. But don't let him go. I know how important he is to you." Mary smiled.

"But a Winchester shouldn't be gay. And if John finds out, I'm dead and you probably to and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Dean now finally faced Mary.

"Dean, it doesn't matter to me if you like boys or girls but go for it. Don't let him go. Not after what you've both been trough. And your father won't notice anything. He will probably be away for two weeks now. Don't worry. Take him home with you tomorrow. No's don't count and now let's eat dinner." She smiled encouraging Dean and stood up walking into the kitchen.

She was right. Dean was a fighter. He should fight.