Change my mind

Time for a project

Dean stood there not moving, while Castiel already left the building. It took him a little to realise that he should follow Cas. Fresh air hit Dean's face when he went outside. It was autumn already and it began getting colder. While getting used to the temperature, he kept an eye out for Cas, since he lost the sight of him because he stood in the hallway way to long. Dean felt a hand gripping his shoulder and shock filled his body. He thought he got caught skipping classes but when he turned around, he saw Castiel. "Follow me." He told and gripped Dean's wrist walking towards a little shed, not even letting Dean the opportunity not to follow Cas.
He opened the door and invited Dean in. After Cas entered, he closed the door and sat down. This seemed to be the shed of the caretaker of this school. Cas sat down on the only chair in this room so Dean figured he'd just sit on the ground. "So?" Dean asked. He knew he shouldn't push Castiel but he really wanted to know what he hid behind these walls.

"A few years after you left there was this girl that was new in our school. Her name was Claire. We've soon become good friends. Best friends actually. There was actually nothing we didn't do together. We helped each other out a lot. We both got really lucky that when we finished elementary school we went to the same middle school actually and started going to the same high school when I noticed she was dealing with depression. It was too late for me to notice. That one night I got a call from her parents.." Castiel stopped talking and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "They told me she committed suicide. This seemed so unreal to me. First I lost you, then I lost her. I thought I didn't deserve someone being close to me. When I went to her funeral, her parents gave me a letter. She wrote it and they wanted to give it to me in person. It said that she thanked me for those wonderful six years we've spent together. But not even spending time with me got her happy anymore. It got her worse actually cause I didn't notice. She said it's not my fault but I know well that it is my fault. She could've been alive right now. That's when I kind of rebelled. I got a strict background and my parents probably hate me for turning into a punk. But I decided I would do something to keep her remembered. I just never knew what. And when we got this project I thought it would be amazing. I wanted to make things better, actually take care of her. Better than I used to before." Castiel's voice died off at the end of his talk. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He probably didn't notice. Dean decided to stand up and walk over to his friend, hugging him. It took a while until he got hugged back but he did it.
"Don't you dare give yourself the fault for that. I know it's hard, I know it's pressuring but it's not your fault. You know, noticing if something is wrong is really hard. it doesn't always work out. And yes sometimes it's too late. It's hard to say, but you can't save everyone. It's something my uncle Bobby thought me. I'm sorry for messing Claire up, though." Dean told and stopped hugging Cas but rested his hands on his shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. He gently wiped away Cas' tears but didn't break their eye contact. "It's not your fault, Castiel." Dean told, squeezing his shoulders a little.
"Thank you Dean." Castiel sighed and shook his head, facing the ground. Silence filled the room. It wasn't an awkward silence actually but this silence gave Dean time to think.

When he was staring into Cas' ocean blue eyes, he had this strange feeling filling his stomach. He couldn't remember this feeling from anything except from one situation when he fell in love at another high school. When he met this guy that actually made Dean sure of his sexuality. But this couldn't be. He couldn't fall for his best friend. This was just wrong.

"Dean?" Castiel's soft voice ripped him out of his thoughts. "Everything alright?" He carefully asked. While being caught in his thoughts, Dean must've squeezed Castiel's shoulders a little harder.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Dean nodded and let go off Castiel's shoulders.

"We should get going. Or we're going to miss our next class." Castiel gave him a soft smile and stood up, helping Dean up afterwards, since he knelt down in front of Cas.