Change my mind

The test

As soon as the teacher left, Castiel was left alone with Dean. He couldn't face him just once.

Gabriel told him ever since he got home and noticed Castiel crying, that he should tell Dean about everything. That he should tell him about his parents cause it wouldn't be fair if he didn't know anything. But Castiel couldn't just talk to Dean. Not after they kissed. It felt so wrong but also so right. The even worse thing was that not even Hannah could get him to other thoughts. He kissed her but felt like kissing Dean. He thought about Dean when her lips touched his. This was just very wrong.

With shaky hands Castiel washed all the glasses he had to wash.

"Cas. We need to talk. I know this isn't easy for both of us, but I can't do this otherwise." Dean spoke out. Castiel flinched a little when he heard Dean's voice. He guessed he couldn't just avoid this talk. Even though he wished. "I don't think there is anything to talk about." Castiel whispered. He didn't even notice that he was that quiet.

"There is actually a lot. For example, why did you tell me to leave you alone?" Dean turned off the water and took the glasses and the sponge out of Castiel's hand when he noticed he was shaking a little too much. He took a deep breath and dried his hands before sitting down on a chair and running his finger through his hair. "You know that my parents just came home and Anna couldn't keep her mouth shut and told them that you're back. They don't want me to have any contact to you anymore. They think I was depressed back when you left. But I wasn't! I just couldn't handle it. I was young. It's like your pet died away and you're sad for a pretty long time." He explained.

"And you're listening to that? Just because your parents don't want you to have any contact with me anymore, you listen to them? You're not so punk as I thought you were back at the first day of school." Dean's eyes burned into Castiel's body.

"You won't understand it, Dean. Just leave it." Cas sighed and faced the ground. This was not the way he hoped this conversation would go.

"And what about the kiss?" The words fell hard from Dean's lips. Sadness was in his tone.

Castiel felt his heartbeat increasing. His body got hot and he started sweating. "What about it?" He tried to sound not caring about it but he failed. Instead his voice was weak.

"Cas come on. It's not nothing." Dean's voice got louder.

"I don't know, Dean okay? I just don't know. It seemed like everything changed after you kissing me. You know that my parents are strict and that I have a very strict background. They would beat the shit out of me when they found out I kissed a boy. And they would probably beat the shit out of me if they knew I'm talking to you." Castiel finally glanced at Dean. He saw the sadness in his eyes. The worry.

"And that's just it? You will just tell me to leave you alone and not have any contact to you anymore? After finally being together again?" Dean's eyes became glassy and red. Castiel could tell that he held back his tears.

"I guess so." Castiel replied. Dean just couldn't hold back a tear anymore.

"If that's what makes you happy. Just know that... that I love you, Cas." Was the last thing Dean said before the room filled with silence and he went back to cleaning. Castiel could literally feel his heart drop into his pants. Dean loved him. And all Cas did was pushing him away. He tried to get himself together again and also headed back to cleaning.

"By the way. I've got my test for being accepted into the football team today after school. I'd be happy to see you there." Dean said before he left.

Castiel was a mess. His mind was a mess. His feelings were a mess.

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