Sam and Mary headed home later in the evening. Castiel and Gabriel calmed down when they got home and as soon as Sam was there, Gabriel disappeared with him.
"Could you both please also go upstairs?" Mary asked. Dean saw the pain in her eyes and he probably knew why she was asking this.
"I left you food in the fridge." Dean said and grabbed Castiel's hand, pulling him upstairs. It was a hard day for all of them and if Dean was honest, he didn't want to do anything than sleep.
"Hey, I'm taking a shower, coming with me?" Dean asked and turned to Cas, while he picked out some clothes.
"I'll pass. Just gonna straight head to bed." Castiel yawned and changed into his sleeping clothes. Dean only nodded in reply and then left into the bathroom. Fast he pulled his clothes off and jumped underneath the shower.
Cold water flooded down his body. Normally Dean wasn't the type to take cold showers but at this moment it was really relaxing for him. It was cooling his mind down. When he got out he rubbed himself dry but noticed he forgot his pants. So Dean wrapped his towel around his waist and walked over to his room. Just when he was about to enter, he heard sobbing from the inside. Dean walked in and saw Cas laying on the bed, rolled together, crying. Fast he rushed over to his boyfriend sitting down on the bed next to him.
"Hey what's wrong?" Dean whispered when he pulled him into his arms.
"Everything's just too much." Castiel cried.
"Shh. It's okay. We'll fix this." Dean kissed his forehead and held him in his arms until Castiel fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A month has passed since the accident happened. Castiel was finally doing better and was able to sleep alone again. This was one of the first nights Dean and Cas actually slept in separated beds again. It was one of the first nights Dean was able to let Cas go home without feeling bad about it.
"Dean get up, pack the most important things, we'll leave in ten minutes." Dean heard his father say. When Dean faced the clock it said 1:53 AM. Just then he realised what was happening. Fast he sat up. "Dad you can't be serious! We can't leave!" Dean shouted.
"Pack your stuff boy. I will need every one of you." Was the last thing he heard his father say. Dean knew he didn't had a choice so when he got up, he got dressed and put his stuff together.
When he walked downstairs he already saw Sam, Mary and John waiting. Dean glanced at his little brother, who didn't seem that sad at all.
"Did you tell Cas?" Sam asked Dean when they were driving in the Impala.
"No. We'll probably only be gone for a few days." Dean answered. He knew it could be many more than just a few days.
"You know that you should tell him? It's not fair if you don't." Sam glanced at his brother.
"Did you tell Gabriel?" Dean didn't reply to what Sam said before.
"Yes." Sam only answered and silence hit the Impala.
***************************************
"Sammy, get up. We have to leave for a job." The soft voice of his mother woke him up.
"Why?" Sam murmured sleepy.
"Your father needs our help." Mary kissed the top of Sam's head, taking the hair outside of his face.
"How long will it take?" Sam was now a little more awake.
"It could take a longer time. Tell Gabriel and make sure he knows." She said before leaving again. And so did Sam. He picked up his phone and went to his and Gabriel's chat.
Gabe you awake? - 01:35 AM
Sup Samwich?" - 01:36
We have to leave for a job of my father. We won't be around for quite some time. I can't tell you yet how long we will be gone. - 01:36
Oh.. okay. But will you come back? - 01:38
Yes. I promise. But you should also promise something. - 01:39
Great. I will wait for you. What is it? - 01:40
Don't tell Cas anything. No matter how heartbroken he is and he doesn't know the reason. I want Dean to tell him on his own. - 01:41
Okay. I promise. Text me sometimes? - 01:42
Yeah. I love you and go to bed now. - 01:42
Okay, okay Mom. I love you, too. - 01:43
Sam put his phone away and decided to pack hiss bag.
*******************************
(A/N: Maybe listen to Kodaline - All I want from here. Maybe you will feel what I felt while writing this.)
A week has gone by since Castiel has heard something of Dean or seen him. He went to the Winchester's house a couple of times but nobody opened. Castiel didn't think much of it. They were probably on vacation somewhere and Dean forgot to tell Cas, as dopey as Dean was sometimes. Also he orientated himself after Gabriel, who didn't seem worried at all.
~~~~~~~~~~
Two months passed since Dean has left Cas. He left without saying a word.
Castiel knew he was getting too much for Dean to handle.
At first he thought he was only gone for a little while. He didn't lose hope. Every few days Castiel went to the Winchester's house, to see if he was home already. He really started missing him. But there was not a single Winchester to be seen. One day Castiel decided to go for it and ask a neighbour if they knew anything but they didn't. They only said that they haven't seen them in a while.
Did they really just leave without telling Castiel anything?
It was December. Only a few days away from Christmas and Castiel did nothing but sit in his room and stare at his blank wall. Since he noticed that Dean was gone. That Dean left him without saying a thing, he stopped eating regularly. He lost a lot of weight and did barely take care of himself anymore.
If Dean really love Cas, why did he leave him?
All he wanted was to be happy. He thought after everything he would finally be happy again but this wasn't happening. Why would Cas deserve to be happy anyways?
This time it was true. Dean Winchester pushed Castiel into depression. His parents tried to do something about it but they didn't want to put him in any clinic, knowing that after all Castiel would never come home again. His siblings tried to talk to him but none of them were able to reach through him. Still every once in a while Castiel made his way to the Winchester's house. Just to be disappointed again. He dropped himself in the snow sometimes. Just staying there. Not caring that his clothes were getting all wet.
Everything Cas wanted was to hear Dean knocking at his door. He wanted to see Dean's face at least once more. Once more to say goodbye. Even if it killed him inside. That part of him, that wasn't dead already.
"Cas? Will you come down to eat with us?" He heard the voice of his little brother. But he didn't reply. Instead he just sat there doing nothing. Just staring at his blank wall.
At night he was chased by nightmares. He woke up crying, screaming in the middle of the night.
Who knew how long this would continue. Who knew how long it would take until it killed him.
YOU ARE READING
Change my mind
FanfictionDean and Sam have been travelling through many cities with their parents. With that they had to go to new schools every few months. It was not a big deal to them because they knew it didn't matter if they screwed up cause they would be gone in a whi...
