The Rejects | Joey Trotta

After it all changed

It's been exactly an hour since everything crashed down. Since the boy I loved, died.
I haven't seen Billy in half an hour, ever since he stormed out of the room. Snuffy, Ricky, Hank, Derek, and Ted went to see where he was.

As for me, I was sitting on the ground next to my dorm room door which was at the beginning of the hall.

My head in my hands and my knees up to my shoulders. I couldn't stop bawling. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know he meant so much to me, but now, I didn't even bother asking Billy how he's doing. He asked me, but I didn't ask him.

I shook it off. So I got off the floor and walked towards their dorm room. The door was wide open. I stood in front of it, only to find Ricky sitting on his bed. Looking down on his feet.

I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I just walked over to him and sat next to him on the bed.
He didn't even look at me or even move.

We sat there in silence. Saying nothing. Doing absolutely nothing.
Until he finally spoke "I never thought he'd be leaving us"

I couldn't help but let the tears stream down my cheeks. "He got shot, right in front of us. Tell me that's not screwed up" he said while looking at me

"It is. It really is" I barely got the words out.
"Why him? Why now? Why ever! Why'd he have to fight that asshole, he could've walked out of there alive. He could've stopped to think that maybe he'd leave safely, we'd do the plan, they'd all die and we'll all be free, then maybe he can come back and we could see him again"

He said every word with a small sob.
"We could've seen him again, Les" he repeated. I nodded my head with the tears dripping all over the place

"I know, I know. It sucks Ricky, it really sucks. But everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying I'm happy he's dead, of course I'm not, I loved him. But We have to stop crying and just start the damn plan! Because Joey is gone! And who knows what that asshole might do next" I said

It hit me hard. I didn't even know what I was saying, I started bawling my eyes out as I hid my face in my hands.

I heard Ricky get off the bed and stand up. I felt it, he was in front of me, looking at me.
"Leslie" the words came out of his mouth.
I looked up at him slowly.

He was looking down at me with tears. I stood up to look at him better. But instead of just standing there, he hugged me tightly.

"I can't lose you too, Ricky" I said as I buried my head in his chest
"I can't lose you" I repeated

"You could never lose me, Les. You won't lose me" he said as he hugged me tighter.
"I can't breathe" I said

He laughed as he let go of me
I breathed heavily. "Sorry" he smiled. "It's okay" I said.
He nodded and looked at me with a slight smile on his face.

"Hey um...have you seen Billy?" I asked
"No. But I think I saw him go into the boys bathroom a few minutes ago" he said

I nodded
"Thanks Ricky" I said
"For what?" He asked.

"Just...thanks" I shrugged with a smile.
He smiled and nodded before sitting down on his bed again. Correction, Derek's bed.
I walked out of the room to go look for Billy.

I saw Hank and Snuffy.
"Hey guys" I said
"Hey. Are you okay?" Snuffy asked. I nodded with my eyes closed. I couldn't see anymore crying faces.

"Don't worry, everything will be okay" I said
"How are you holding up?" Hank asked. "Good, I guess" I said

The both nodded and patted my shoulder before walking away.
I looked back at them as I heard them talk to Ricky.