Captured (A Finchel Story)

Chapter 19

There are many theories about falling in love.
You can fall in love by the touch of someone, by drinking too much alcohol at one evening or  simply by looking at the person.
As perfect as this sounds, falling in love sucks. Its like youre stuck in a box, a box that changes its color every single minute. When youre feeling good it changes to green when you feel sad it changes to black.
Thats how it is with love. You can never be completely happy about something or sad.
The thing that sucks the most about being in love is that its the only emotion that will never go away.

I watch the trees going by as i sit in the taxi, my head leaning against the window.
What did i expect when i came here and asked Finn the question that was bothering me so much. Why me. That was what i wanted to know, well, i still dont have an answer on this.
The only thing i know is that he doesnt want me, that i dumped Mike and that Mike and Finn are brothers.
But does that really bother me anymore? Did it ever?
I cant give an answer to that.
My phone beeps and with a slight look to my phone i see that Kitty texted me.
I close the display right after i saw it.
When i told her that i wasnt going to go back to the prison i shouldnt have lied. It was a mistake.
It should've been the truth.
The taxi driver looks over to me as we stop at the traffic lights.
He looks younger than most of the taxi drivers here in Lima, and not as creepy.
I ignore him and just keep looking out of the window.

Leroy sits on the couch as i arrive, watching TV.
Through the past weeks he did better, way better. At least one in this family seems happy.
He looks up to me and smiles.
"Hey Rach. Where have you been?"
And with this words i feel the tears that i have been holding back through the whole time swallowing up and this time theres no chance to hold them back anymore.
This time he is the one who consoles me, who holds me in his arms and tells me that i am going to be okay.
And this time i dont believe that i will. Im not going to be okay. You cant fix an already broken girl.
There are too many pieces to fix.

"Whats wrong honey?" Leroy had made me a hot chocolate, just the way i would always drink when i would be sad. Like now.
Theres a lot wrong with this world we live in.
"Just boys ... and stuff.", i answer, biting my lip. Its not partically wrong but its not the truth as well.
Leroy smiles sad. "Nice that we got the same problems at least."
I smile as well and enjoy the silence between us.
"Its been an old story between Hiram and me. Actually just like a high school affair of mine. He's always been jealous of him you know? Well of course you do, he's your father in the end.
Well the affair of mine ... he came back to Lima and of course there was a huge drama made by your father. But that wasnt why we broke up. In the end i wouldnt blame Hiram, it was my fault.
After all the drama i went into a bar where i met John, the boy from high school. We joked, danced, smiled. Like before. I dont know how the kiss happened. It just did, but i felt bad. No i felt awful. But was a coward, i didnt tell Hiram, he had to find it out by John himself. You dont understand how much i hated myself for this, how much i still hate myself for this. I'd understand if you hate me now."
I stay quiet. Its the answer i've been waiting for for weeks but in this moment it doesnt seem so important anymore, like its just a problem far far away from me.
"Im not mad at you.", i whisper and Leroy nods, like he already knew that i would say that.
"Promise me something Rachel? When you meet the person you feel the most attracted to and the most comfortable with, keep this person. You only get this chance once in your life.
I missed my chance; i dont want you to miss it as well."

1 week later (9 weeks before graduation)
"I definitely want to visit a cheerleader college. Thats like the most important thing.", Kitty says, looking through a college catalog. I hate this topic. Future. Its what everyone talks about, especially now. we are only a few weeks away from graduation, many people already found their dream college, in New York, or here. Even Kitty knows where she'll go. Everyone knows where they belong to, except for me.
My dream was to go to the NYADA, because i love to sing but i got no idea if im good enough for that. (I want her to go there lol)
I wrote many applications to colleges, far far away from here, but i never  got a response. Now i just decided to leave, without a college.
"Where will Mike go?", Kitty asks, and drinks her Caffe Latte.
I just shake my head, showing her that we still didnt talk to each other. Well he tried, but i refused.
Seeing his face now would just lead me into another break down and i seriously dont need that now.
Kitty sighs. "Rachel, im trying to act as normal as i can around you, but i still dont understand how you could dump Mike for a boy who is imprisoned."
She doesnt know yet what happened between Finn and me, that its over. If it even started sometimes.
I told her that i broke up with Mike because i felt really bad after it and she noticed that, so there was no reason in hiding it from her.
I look around and watch the people here in Starbucks talking to each other. They all seem so happy, why cant it be me for one time?
"It wouldnt have worked out for me and Mike in any way KItty. Even if i wouldnt know Finn." I cant even say if thats a lie or the truth, for now i just dont want to talk about it.
Kitty knows a lot about Mike and Finn but not that they are brothers. I want that to be my  secret, till i leave Ohio and can stop thinking about both boys.
In that moment the door of the cafe opens and Kurt and Mercedes step in.
I havent been thinking about them much lately, i actually didnt think about them at any time, it was just going on too much in my life.
KItty rolls her eyes. "Look super gay and super fat walked in.", she mumbles and i shrug.
"Leave them alone.  They're just human.", i reply and smile over to Kurt and Mercedes who noticed me and Kitty and wave at me.
I could walk over to them but something makes me not do it. In the end they are the ones who come over to us.
Kurt smiles and Mercedes puts on the arrogant face she always has reserved for cheerleader like Kitty. "Hey.", i say and nod to Mercedes who stares at me like im a Burger.
"Hello", Kurt replies. "How you're doing Rachel?"
"Fine.", i lie.
He smiles and hits soft Mercedes shoulder and whispers something like "Be nice".
That doesnt work though.
Kitty ignores both and cares more about the college catalog.
She hasnt chosen a college yet, even though she has been searching for months.
"College i see.", Kurt starts.
Kitty rolls her eyes again. "Good to know that you can read."
Kurt ignores it and keeps talking. "I seriously want to go to the NYADA in New York. Its been a dream of me since i was 5. Im still waiting for the letter which tells me that i am in for the Auditions. Just a matter of time."
Kurt wants to go to the NYADA. Like i am. He's been applying to the college i want to go to.
For the first time i really feel excited about something, in a good way.
"Good luck", Kitty smirks.


"Dad?", i scream "Im back!"
I throw my purse on the couch and my jacket, and walk to the kitchen looking for Leroy. Nothing.
I look in his office,  no one.
He doesnt seem to be home which is weird because he normally he tells me if hes out of the house.
I go to my room and see something laying on my bed, an envelope.
I raise my eyebrowns and grab it, my fingers shivering.
Is that one of Finns famous tricks to make me feel awful?
My name  is written on it and on the back of the envelope is his name.
Its one of his tricks.
Shivering i open it. At first theres nothing to see, but then theres a little picture showing up.
I sit down on my bed holding the picture in my hands.
Its him, a picture of him, smiling into the camera, standing next to a woman, his mom, Carol.
He looks young, maybe 15, but still good looking, like he always did.
A smile appears on my face, a real smile. I turn the picture and see something written on the white back of it.

I dont like you,
I love you,
Finn