Captured (A Finchel Story)

Chapter 18

 
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The huge building looks as impressive as it did weeks ago. It still looks grey and still dangerous, but it doesnt scare me anymore. Im not even sure that it ever did it was the inside which made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
With shivering legs i step through the door and i cant even tell if its going to be the last time that i'll enter the door.
Its bright inside and the guards are waiting, like always, for visitors and they are looking as strange as they always did.
Their faces focus on me but i ignore them knowing that i cant back out now, its the wrong time to get scared.
I walk to the secretary woman with the harry potter glasses, she seems to be here all the time.
She looks through her glasses which seem to be very dirty but she doesnt seem to care.
"Rachel Berry.", i say. "Im here to visit Finn Hudson."
The woman nods and looks at her paper sheets but i doubt that there is something useful on it.
"Wait there.", she points with her fingers at a chair at the other side of the room.
"He'll be ready in 20 minutes."
I mumble a quiet 'okay'and go to the chair and sit down, while the guards look at me. Its maybe not normal for them to have a not 18 years old girl in a prison visiting an older prisoner but this world is already strange enough so why not?
Strange fits the whole situation perfectly.
20 minutes take long to pass but as a guard tells me that i should come with him it would have been longer. I dont know if im ready to see him again.
The guard is probably as tall, or maybe as small, as me but he got muscles and has ginger hair.
On his nameplate it says 'Noah Clark'.
He turns to me while we walk. "Whats your relation to Mr Hudson?", he asks. Its the first time a guard talks to me.
I swallow. "Im just a friend."
My first excuse was that Finn is my cousin but i figured that its better to tell at least a bit of the truth.
I dont know if the truth is that we're friends but we know each other and for now 'friend'must be the best description of our relation to each other.
"Well.", the guard starts. "I'd be careful."
"What do you mean?", i ask.
He makes a disparaging movement of his hand which tells me that this short but confusing conversation found its ending.
Then we're back in the dark room with the glass window.
Its not as full than it was when i first visited Finn but there are still people in here, most of them are female and you can hear them sobbing.
Noah Clark leads me to a free place, next to a woman with short brown curly hair. She has the telephone in her one hand and a tissue in the other and you can tell that shes been crying.
As i sit down the guard next to the woman takes the telephone and says roughly.
"This conversation is over." and without giving the woman and the man shes talking to time to say goodbye to each other he grabs her arms and make sher stand up.
She keeps crying and mouths 'i love you'to the man on the other side but i doubt that he saw it because as she did it she was already far away from him.
I try not to look after her and ignore her pleasing to the guard to give her just a few more minutes to talk to her husband but the guard just closes the door behind the two.
Noah shrugs, he seems to feel bad about this scenery as well.
I look up and see Finn on the other side.
In all the weeks of crying, breaking downs, laughing, kissing a guy who i dont love and feeling bad, i never expected to see him again. Because all i did was finding excuses not to come back but here i am. I came back and i dont regret my choice at all.
My choice. Yeah i chose Finn over Mike.
I chose a stranger over a lover.
Thats what i did when Mike told me the truth. He doesnt know that i know Finn but he knows how i feel or actually not feel.
And there he sits, Mikes brother but i dont see Mike in Finn. I dont see Finn in Mike.
Finn looks like he always did, brown hair and brown eyes, a smirk on his face, the smirk which hunted me through my dreams and through my day.
I missed it and i didnt think that i would.
"20 minutes from now.", Noah Clark says and i take the telephone just as he finishes talking.
Finn follows my example.
"Rachel.", he says.
"Finn.", i reply.

"Didnt i tell you not to see me again?", Finn asks with a sideways glance.
I bite my lip and look down, searching for a good answer.
"Wasnt actually my plan till i found out that i am dating your brother."
Finn stays quiet. Of course he knows that i am, god knows how he does but he does and i hit the right point. I stay quiet as well just because i want to enjoy this moment. Im not dating Mike anymore but i want to know if the stalker knows that too or if he doesnt know as much as i thought he does.
Finn looks through the glass window towards me, right into my eyes.
"Stay away from him Rachel. I beg you.", he pleases me and suddendly hes not the dangerous boy anymore, hes someone different, but i cant tell who he is now.
"Why? Why would you want that?", i respond, my voice is just a whisper, being careful that Noah Clark doesnt hear more of this conversation.
Finn sighs and leans forward to the small but strong border between us.
"He's not the guy you're thinking he is.", he whispers as well but i shake my head.
"Funny to hear that of a prisoner. What exactly did you do to get in here? Did you kill someone? Rob a bank? I seriously could think of a lot why a 19 years old would have to spend his life in a building like that. So tell me why would i want to stay away from Mike?" Thats not exactly the type of person who i am. I normally dont do speeches like that but its necessary.
Finn takes a deep breath and lays the telephone away. My heartbeat stops for a second. Is he done with me? Did i go too far? No you didnt you just spoke the truth. Maybe he's jealous that his brother got me, well he doesnt have me anymore but he had me and that he will never have me.
"Finn", i mouth to him knowing that he sees me and is looking at me intense.
Seconds, minutes go by in which we dont talk but just look at each other.
Never did a boy affect me in the way Finn does, never did i feel so attracted by a boy like with Finn.
He isnt Mike. Mike cares about me, he maybe even loves me.
Finn just wants his prisoner fun, he maybe doesnt love me. But i still feel something between us, even if we're going into different directions.
Finns takes the telephone but before he can say something i speak up.
"I dont know you okay? You're weird, you're pratically stalking me and the truth is that i should hate you. Youre messing with my feels and you should what you're fighting for because actually i dont have a huge interest in heartbreak. I cant even tell what i am doing here, because you're not the kind of boy that i should meet in my free time. So before you're saying anything about that i should stay away from Mike please tell me Finn; do you really like me or am i just some girl to you with who you can have your fun with?"
My head starts to hurt and i feel like im driving a roller coaster, but it only goes down.
"Because if you dont ... then i'll go and leave you alone. But if you do .... then i'll stay. Just tell me the truth Finn. Please."
Finn looks up to me, he's been quiet through my whole speech, i didnt even hear him breathing.
He just stares. I would love to know whats going on in his mind.
"No.", he whispers and i almost cant hear it.
A tear rolls down my face. "No?"
He shakes his head. "No, i dont like you."
I should have seen it coming when i went back here. I should have known that nothing good was going to come out of this but i still believed that maybe, just maybe i was going to proof Kitty wrong, that i could show her that Finn really likes me and that im not an idiot in believing that he does.
But well she was the one who proofed me wrong. Because Finn doesnt like me. He never did.
And it was obvious how could i ever think that he does.

I nod and lay the telephone far away from me. Just far away from him. Just far away from this boy.
Finn stands up on the other side and hits against the window and is screaming something. I imagine that he screams that i should stay but its an idiotic thought.
The guard on Finns side grabs his shoulders and pulls him back and Noah pulls me back while im just staring at Finn. I dont even know if im looking at him or if im looking at someone who i pretended to know.
Thats all i did; pretending.

Finn
"Because if you dont ... then i'll go and leave you alone. But if you do .... then i'll stay. Just tell me the truth Finn. Please."
Stay, screams everything inside me, stay and dont go. Dont go like you did once.
Dont go like she did. But deep inside me i know that whatever i would say know, i wouldnt feel good with it. I cant tell her to stay, im not brave enough to expect of her to stay with me, a boy with no perspective and no social contacts.
But am i really brave enough to tell her to go? No im not.
It would kill me to see her one more time with Mike, the boy who seems to win over me all the time, the boy who grabs everything that i love. He took away my freedom, now he's taking her.
But can i blame him? Rachel is great and even i can tell that even though i dont actually know her. But once she stepped into the cafeteria that day i cant get her out of my mind. Shes been outstanding in every single second, the moment she recognized me the first time and when we talked.
Losing her would hurt but making her to stay with me would hurt even more.
So i look up to her, her innocent face, the exact same face with what she's been looking at me the first time.
How can you fall in love with someone who you never touched, who you never even talked to?
Obviously i can.
It sucks when you have to let it go.
"No.", i whisper, so quiet in  the hope that she doesnt hear it.
"No?"You can hear all the destroyed hope in her voice and god damn it i dont want to be the one who hurts her.
I dont have a huge interest in heartbreak.
Me neither.
"No, i dont like you."
I wish i could break that glass between us and just touch her hand. Its been a dream of me all the time, i wake up to the touch of her hand but as i opened my eyes i only saw the grey wall of my room.
She stands up and so do i as well.
At least now, she should know that im lying, that im lying to her and to myself.
She takes one step back and then more.
I see how my fist hits against the window and how my voice screams after her.
"Stay with me!", my voice screams but mentally im unconscious.
And before the guard can pull me away completely from her i whisper i quiet 'i love you'.
At least i got to tell it to her face.