Struggles (Book One)

Resolution

Himchan’s POV:

I was sitting at the table eating dinner with everyone as I let my mind wander. After what happened at the concert, I wasn’t sure on how to act with Jongup around Yongguk. He had apologized, but things still seem weird. I know Jongup was sad that I wasn’t showering him with love in front of the others, but he was used to it since we were a secret. I felt bad, I loved him and wanted to show it, but I didn’t want things to be weird. Maybe I am over thinking things; I do have a tendency to do that at times. Like this one time—

“Hyung? Hello, earth to hyung. Are you in there?” I snapped out of my thoughts as I felt someone’s small fist banging on my head. I grabbed the wrist and looked up to see Zelo.

“Can I help you Zelo?” I tried to ask nicely, but it sounded more annoyed.

“Ne hyung. I was wondering if you would help me with the dishes.” He pouted.

“Well why don’t you ask…” I turned to point to any of the other members, but they were all gone. “Oh…” I sighed and got up, collecting all the dirty dishes. “But this time, no bubble war. I might have to get stuck doing the dishes by myself, because I know you will wiggle yourself out of that punishment.” He blushed and nodded.

“Ne hyung.” He helped me clean up. We were quiet most of the time. We just weren’t that close, mostly because we were jealous of each other at times. He was so close to Jongup, even though he was mine and I was close to Yongguk, which Zelo didn’t really like. However, Zelo did try and start a conversation. “How are you and Jonguppie~?” Thing was, I didn’t want to talk about that, but I didn’t want to ignore him so I answered.

“I am not sure to be honest Zelo. Maybe you could help me out?” I said the last sentence quietly to myself, but he must have heard me.

“Anything Himchannie hyung. I would love to help as much as Junhonggie can!” He was so cute, no wonder Yongguk adored him.

“Well… Since Yongguk caught Jongup and I making out, things have been weird. I mean Yongguk did apologize about yelling at me and said that he was glad I was happy, but I don’t really know how to act. I feel like if I show my love for Jongup in front of the others, especially Yongguk, we will be judge.” I don’t know when tears started forming in my eyes, but they were soon gliding down my cheeks.

“Hyung…” Zelo had stopped washing dishes and was now looking at me worriedly.

“Why would you think something like that Hime?” I tensed as I heard Yongguk’s voice behind me. I grabbed the counter for support. I felt so claustrophobic all of a sudden. “Hime…?” I heard his voice get closer as his steps did. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it being Zelo’s, but I jumped anyways.

“Hyung…?” I could hear the worry in Zelo’s voice. I felt so bad that he had to see me like this. I wish Jongup was here, I needed him. I quickly turned around, too quickly, because I soon became dizzy and fell to the floor.

“Himchan!” This was a new voice, the voice of my lover. “Himchan, are you ok? Baby, speak to me.” My eyes had closed when I fell, but I slowly opened them to look at the fear planted on my babies face. I lifted my hand to his cheek and caressed it.

“Jongup… Why are you scared…?” He sighed deeply and smiled. He slowly helped me up.

“Are you ok Hime?” Yongguk asked. He was standing next to me and as Jongup was helping me up, he had placed his hand on my back. I walked out of it and into my lover’s arms.