Just your Wingman

This Feeling

Why does everything hurt? Why does everything hurt inside? My heart felt like someone was ripping it out. My blood started to burn. My breathing started to get slower. My palms started to get sweaty. My body was tense.

Everything hurts...

"What are you saying?" I said simply. I tried to keep in the dying soul that now was wilting in my body.

"I'm saying...Gram is dead..." My mom's voice cracked. I heard sobs through the phone. She was crying...

"Okay..." I whispered. I gave the phone back to Mr.Calico. He looked at me, waiting for my response. I did nothing. I didn't want to give a response. I just stood there, everything slackened, everything loose.

After I didn't say anything for a while he said, "Wendy, dear would you-" I cut him off by running out the classroom. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going. The school office? The bathroom? Out the school? Home? "Wendy!" The teacher yelled but I kept running.

'Help...please help...please...' I thought in my head. Tears blurred my vision. I didn't want anyone seeing me cry so I ran into the school bathroom.

I ran into one of the stalls as fast as I could. Tears streamed down my face as quick as the bullet that shot my heart when I heard the word 'dead'. I covered my mouth to hold in my sobs.

I grabbed my hair, pulling it, trying to tear them all out. I clawed at my arms until they turned red. I kicked and screamed at nothing at all. I threw the toilet paper near me onto the floor, then crushing it with my shoe.

I stood there for a second. I stood their in silence, traumatized of what I've done.

'Pull yourself together! Stop being a brat, you idiot!' I yelled at myself in my mind. I pounded my fist on the stall wall. I wiped my tears quickly. I pulled down my sleeves of my sweatshirt so they wouldn't see my red arms. I combed down my hair with my fingers so they wouldn't know I just pulled a lot of my hair out.

"Pull yourself together...you're okay...you're okay...you're okay." I whispered to myself. I breathed in and out. My heart was still pounding and my breaths were ragged. After the tornado incident, I now carry an inhaler in my pocket.

I inhaled three puffs. After I've calmed myself down I got out of the stall. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a horrible completion.

RIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!

I walked out the bathroom pretending nothing happened. The halls started to fill with people. I took a deep breath.

I walked to the cafeteria slowly. I stood at the right of the hallway, my shoulder brushed the wall. I stood as far as possible from people. I didn't want people, I was way to depressed for that.

BAM!

I felt a tight grip on my body. I looked to see that Mayla and Charlotte were hugging me tight while Matt stood next to me.

After they let go they bursted into questions.
"Why did you run out the classroom?"
"Who called you?"
"What did they say?"
"Where did you go?"

Matt pulled the two away from me, "You guys are crowding her. Let her breath." They both tugged away from Matt and insisted in answers.

"It's fine guys really. I just had to go get my math book from the office. My mom picked it up for me." I said lying straight to their faces.

"Then why are your eyes puffy?" Matt asked. I jumped as he said that. I haven't figured out a lie for yet.

"Oh, I tripped on the grass near the office and some got in my eye. I'm a little allergic to grass." I tried to cover up. I hid my shaky voice over a small chuckle.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Mayla asked. I assured her I was fine. "Let's just get to lunch."

We walked to the lunch room before I realized, I forgot my lunch box. "I'll catch up, just give me a minute."

I ran to my locker. Knowing Gram was gone hurt. Knowing I lied to my friends added on to that pain. The sickening pain made my heart drop. I held in the tears that wanted to stream down my face so bad. It felt as if I swallowed a ton of cotton balls and now they were stuck in my throat.

Suddenly, Erick saw me and yelled, "Hey! Wendy!" I groaned. I didn't have time to deal with him.

"So, do you have anymore ideas about getting Charlotte and stuff. I have an idea about-" Erick said but I cut him off.

Talking about Charlotte getting together with him made me feel queasy and uneasy, "I'm not in the mood right now. I have a lot on my mind."

"No but I have a good one. How about we use chocolate to-" Erick insisted.

"I said I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!" I shouted. Erick looked at me in fright.

"Can't you see I'm dealing with something right now?! Give me space, gosh dang!! Why don't you go ask your friend Mayla or something! You're so irritating!" I raged on. I lashed out at him. All the anger, depression, and sadness I bottled up cracked a hole and spilled out.

"You're so full of yourself! The only thing you think about is Charlotte, isn't it?! Can't you open your eyes and actually look at other people!?! Seriously I mean why can't you see that I-" I yelled.

[Gasped up for more air.]

I cut myself off. What was I just gonna say. That I liked him? That I hate him? My face turned red. I don't known if it was a blush or a redness of anger.

"Wendy..." He tried to touch my shoulder but I turned away.

[Something grabbed me back in.]

"I hate you." I whispered. I ran away from him.

Tears blurred my vision. I made a detour to the bathroom so no one could see me. A single tear escapes my left eye.

I ran into a stall and bursted out in tears. The crack in the bottle started to crack even more. I tried to pull myself together but I couldn't. The pain hurt too much. As if someone was stabbing out my heart. As if my blood was boiling. As if someone was trying to choke me.

I couldn't take it anymore. My Gram that was gone. Charlotte that was never around. The feeling I had towards the fact that Mayla and Erick text. And all together the feeling that I have for Erick. What was that feeling? The feeling I couldn't understand.

I wiped my tears but more kept coming. More and more came out of my eyes. The pain was too much....the pain broke me.