Just your Wingman

The Bright Side

I thought that she would come back to me and hug me. I thought she would say sorry and come home with me. I thought she would ditch him and come with me.

But she didn't.

I wasn't going home. I couldn't go home. I didn't have a key to my house and my mom was at her mother's house for a visit. I was suppose to ask Charlotte if I could go to her house. I guess that was off the list.

I walked down the streets, holding in tears. I didn't want anyone to see me break down. I tried so hard to get my mind off things. I tried to look at the bright side...but there wasn't a bright side.

There were gray clouds in the sky and the wind blew through my hair. The air seemed to be tense and moody. The sun hid behind a gray clouding. Gloomy. That's the word that described the weather. It also described my thoughts.

I passed a toy shop and saw a teddy bear hug a stuffed tiger. I thought it was going to make me laugh, but it only made me think of Gram.

I passed a coffee shop that had a rich aroma. I thought it was going to help me relax, but it reminded me of Erick and Ryan.

I crossed the Belgium Street, the one Charlotte and I usually made fun of while going home together because Belgium was a funny word to us. The cars were very busy and their engines seemed to scream in to my ears. I crossed the street slowly. My eyes dreary and saddened.

I couldn't take it. My palms stung and sweated. My heart was pounding on my ribs. My mind full of images of the problems in my life. My legs starting to slacken. My breathing starting to lessen. My eyes starting to give up the fight of tears.

Then the single tear fell. "Oh no.." I whispered to myself. Energy surged into me. Not the good energy. The energy that was used to get out of places before u embarrassed myself.

I ran down the rest of the street. I ran down the sidewalk passing shops and restaurants. I ran through people, outside tables, and lamp posts. Anywhere, to get away from reality. I wanted no one to see me, I wanted no one to seems break down.

Then finally I ran into an alleyway between two buildings, a toy shop and a hair salon. The alleyway stopped at a brick mossy wall. I finally lost hope in keeping everything and started to break down.

I stopped running and staggered over to the brick wall. I lost everything and anything. I punched the brick wall with all my might and shouted as loud as I could.

I feel the blood go down my knuckles, sticky and thick. I don't even feel the pain of my knuckles because I was too numb. I whimper as I slide my back down the brick wall into a ball position. I hug my knees to forehead as I cry.

"What's there in life? Why is life about suffering? What is the meaning of my existence? Why am I always so weak? Why do I fall so easily?" I beat myself up with my own words. I whimper and cried silently, not wanting anyone to hear.

I let it all out. All the suffering and pain. I let out all the insecurities I had, all the things that killed me inside. "Why am I not good enough to Charlotte? Why does she always leave me? Why does Erick have to have another wingman? Why am I not good enough for him? Why did Tess not trust me with the fact that she was getting bullied? Why didn't Matt tell me that he knew?" Insecurity, Worry, and Imagination is what makes up my friend named Anxiety.

I've known anxiety for a long time. Since the day Matt told me he liked Charlotte in the first grade to the day Charlotte didn't want to come home with me. Anxiety has been with me when Mayla didn't want to be my partner for a project. When Tess kept the fact that she was bullied. Anxiety has been through everything with me.