Daniel sahyounie's sister

Chapter 8

Daniels POV

I can't believe this, me and Alex are so close well at least I thought. I don't even know what to do right row I'm a failure to her, I thought she told me everything. Beau had left the house and the 4 of us remaining just stood there in shock and Alex stood there awkwardly.

I let a small tear escape my eye and I never cry. I could tell this hurt Alex the most seeing me upset. Alex ran up to me and embraced me into the most loving hug we've had in a long time.

'Why didn't you tell me' I asked and Alex backed away and sat on the counter crying, she never cried either and that broke me too

'What was I supposed to say yeah I'm a suicidal freak that self harms and has tried to commit multiple times' she laughed but cried at the same time

I just stood there in silence for a few minutes and none of the other boys dared to talk

Eventually Alex spoke up

'It's like a pain that hurts so deep down inside I can't find where it starts and where it ends. Sometimes I can't stop crying, and other times I can't find any tears, left in me' she takes a deep breath  and pauses for a few moments

'I just feel so alone. I wish I could have told  you, no one understands how I feel. At night I lay awake for hours, just watching the clock change, the numbers move. I listen to the sounds of the night, the cars, the dogs, and wonder why it feels as if I am the only one awake in the whole world. I hear you light snores from next door, or sometimes I hear you lot laughing and shouting but this only makes me feel even lonelier.' She paused again and let out a few deep breaths

'My pain is real. It's not just a physical hurt, but an ache so deep within me. I just wish it would go away. I cry and cry, until my pillow is soaked, until I can't think of anything except for the emptiness inside. I can barely eat, I just see an image of my self that makes me feel sick, I don't want to be look like that. I don't understand what's happening to me. I think about everything that's happened today all the comments I get all the hate I get off your fans, I act like it doesn't affect me at the time but it does. The tears roll down my face, dripping gently onto my now damp t-shirt. I make no move to wipe them away. What's the point? They won't be falling much longer anyway. I think to myself'

'School isn't even real for me anymore. I go there, talk to the others, show up for class. But it all seems like a fake to me, as if I'm moving through a dream. I don't listen in class anymore, I never study I just go through the motions of living.' None of us dare to take our eyes of her or make a sound, every single word she says feels like someone's stabbing me with a shard of glass

'My real life is spent here at home, just thinking about what will be, and how I can go on like this. I wonder if anyone even notices what's happening to me, if anyone even cares. Sometimes I think that as long as I show up and do what I'm expected to, no one will discover what's really going on inside of me. I feel so alone, so afraid.' She paused and stars crying hard and raising her voicd

I don't even know who I am anymore. I think I hate myself, I hate everything about myself what I look like, my personality everything. I can't go on like this much longer. There are times when I dream of heaven and what it's like to die to be in a place where everything is peaceful and everyone is happy where no one blames you for things you didn't do, or expects you to be someone you aren't, where everyone gets along with each other. I can hardly remember what things were like before. The truth is, I don't even feel like my life is worth anything anymore. These days I have nothing left to live for, and I'm so very sad. But my pain is the worst part It's so deep, so achy, and it just won't go away.' She sighs

'But then I think of you Daniel, the person I care most about in this world your my rock and I could never leave you on your own.' She says and I burst into tears worse then before all the other boys are crying too.

'Instead I just drink away the pain at party's, hook ups, drugs, get in trouble with the police, it gives me such adrenaline that makes me forget about all the pain. Depression is a war, you either win or you die trying.' She finishes and we are all left speechless

'In going up to get changed then I'm taking and buying you all pizza' she says and runs upstairs

Wow is all have to say