What if?

4. Thoughts

        I was awake. I couldn't fall asleep. I had too much going on in my mind. I knew everything was moving too fast, for a normal relationship as well as a fan-celebrity relationship. I knew that things like this don't happen all the time. It probably never happens at all! Should I be worried? Does he really like me for me or is he just using me for my body? Will he leave me after he gets what he wants? What the fans would think of me scares me as much as me falling in love again. I knew what it felt like to recieve hate from a number of people but being a part of the 5SOS fam, this family isn't small and to get hate from that many people scares me. I didn't want to believe these doubts that are constantly running through my mind.

        Plus, I want to believe that this is the miracle that I have been waiting for all these years but after what happenned a few years ago I just couldn't fully trust Luke as much as I wanted to. What happenned a few years back? Well, long story short. My good friend's boyfriend cheated on her with me. But we were never really together. He just used me for the attention. Taking me on dates, buying me stuff yadayadayada.  Honestly, it felt nice to have a little attention given to me but it was wrong and I knew it. Risking my friendship for a guy was the worst decision ever. I wanted to tell my friend about my relationship with her boyfriend but he ended up freaking out on me, told her a little stupid white lie that caused a fight between us and it ended our friendship all together. He ended their relationship not long after that though. I lost touch with the both of them but my friend got back in touch with me and apologised but we aren't as close as we were before.

        It might not sound as bad but going through it all really sucks. I just didn't expect the first guy I fall for to be 'nice' but end up being such a dick. But he wasn't even all 'nice' and he cheated on all of his exes. Every single one of them. How does he even live with himself? But because of him, I'm scared of falling in love. I never had a boyfriend and the only experience with guys I've got so far is shit. It's okay though, gotta learn from mistakes right?

        I hope Luke's different though. He doesn't seem like the type to cheat or do anything bad but so was that dickhead. I guess I'm going to have to wait and see what happens next. I want to believe that Luke is who he says he is but we never know what's really in his head. While I was contemplating whether or not to go on trusting Luke or just stop before I get hurt again, I felt Luke move beside me. He turned to face me. I could see his face thanks to the full moon tonight, he looked so peaceful sleeping.

        I stared at his face, admiring every feature when suddenly his eyes fluttered open. His worried blue eyes staring into my brown ones. "Why are you awake?" He said grabbing my hand. "Why are you shaking!?" I didn't even realize that I was shaking. I guess the fear of Luke not being who he says he is was just too much. "I-I.. I.." I stutterred when my breathing hitched and tears started to form in my eyes. Should I tell him? What if he thinks I'm obsessed with him? Next thing I knew I was in his arms, him whispering "Shh.. It's okay. It's just a dream." I sighed when he said dream. I pulled away shaking my head, letting my tears fall while taking a few deep breaths. After calming myself down abit, I said "I-It wasn't a d-dream. I was ju-just... thinking." I couldn't even keep eye contact with him. "About..?" He asked trying to get me to look at him. I wanted to tell him but decide against it, "Stuff. It's nothing to worry about." I said without stuttering this time and giving Luke a light smile. He didn't believe me but I guess he was too tired to make me tell him what I was really thinking about.

        He just stared into my eyes and said while rubbing my hand, "Alright. But just know that you can tell me anything, I don't care what it's about. You could tell me about your female issues and I'd still listen! I'm all ears for you if you need me, okay?" Hearing those words washed all my earlier thoughts away. It was like he knew I needed assurance and that was it. Out of no where I pulled Luke into a hug and whispered "Thank you."

        We pulled away smiling at each other as Luke reached for his phone in his back pocket which surprisingly hasn't fallen out and checked the time. "It's 2.30, still way to early and I'm sleepy." Luke sighed, putting his phone on the night stand. I giggled "That rhymed. Is that a new song of yours?" He laughed and then yawned. "Can we go back to sleep? Pleeeeeeeaaaaase?" He said pulling me into him. He really is a cuddler and I love it. "Okay goodnight Hemmo." I said cuddling into him. "Goodnight Charlotte." He said.

        The last thing I remembered was Luke kissing my forehead and whispering, "Sweet dreams." Does this mean that he really truly likes me? Well, I hope so.

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She said love. I wonder if she loves Luke? Too soon? Maybe? Very? Guess we're going to find out in the next few chapters! I don't know about you but she hopes a lot. Like me. I tend to hope for stuff to happen but sometimes they just don't. Anyways I hope you guys like this chapter! This chapter is just about what she fears and honestly what most people would fear after a bad relationship experience. So I hope it's relatable to you as it is for me! Don't forget to tweet me @Gelyn_lyn :-)