What if?

7. Lost

        I thought twice before telling him about my family but I just felt like I could trust him, so I started. "Well.. My mum is currently living on her own but two of my older brothers are taking care of her. She's in her late fifties so she's okay with living on her own. My brothers drop by just to check on her and all of that. But it's not a trouble since the both of them live not too far from our house.

        My brothers are both married, my eldest brother Adam has a baby girl that's turning 2 this year but my second brother Gabe, is still expecting his first child to arrive in the next 5 months. They're happy." I said smiling. Luke gave me a confused look and asked, "Wait. What about you? Why are you not living with your mum?"

        "I moved out September last year into this cheap but nice apartment. I also found a decent paying part time job to do while studying. I moved out because I wanted to be independant. My parents used to complain about me depending too much on them and not being able to do anything on my own. So after I finished high school, I went apartment hunting and found this one that I could afford with my life savings and went with it. As of today I'm satisfied. I decorated it the way I've always wanted to decorate my own place and yeah." I said feeling proud but missing home a little. "I'll visit you." The both of us were shocked by his sudden statement. But he spoke up again, "I-I mean in the future. But not too far in the future. Like maybe within the next few months or so. But that's if you don't mind ofcourse." Luke babbled.

        I giggled. He was adorable. We were silent for abit before he looked up at me and said, "Um.. Where is your dad? I mean you said your mum's living alone but you said your 'parents' say you depend too much on them? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I was just curious an-" "It's okay. I'll tell you." I said squeezing his hand assuring him it was okay.

        I began, "My dad wasn't exactly the ideal dad. I mean he was there for me when I was younger but.." I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn't something I told everyone. I felt Luke rub my hand. I felt calmer so I continued, "I basically grew up in the worst type of home. My parents were constantly arguing. They argued about everything and I was always in the centre of it. I was a kid. I had no idea what was going on and I couldn't get out of the house as I pleased and I didn't have my own room to hide in so I had to listen to everything they said and watch them shoot words back and forth. Sometimes my dad would come home late all wasted and he would bring up random stuff to argue about again."

        "He'd talk about my brothers and I being spoilt by my mum because whatever we wanted, she would get it for us. He always compared our generation with his, like he never had all these good technology but we did. He just couldn't accept that we are moving forward. We are bound to have better things in the future. Isn't that the point? I don't know. But funny story, me being there everytime they argue, I started talking the way they would. All rough and rude. My dad thinks that I pick it up from school but little did he know it was from home. He expects me to be polite when he never is. It's just... ugh!" I said holding my head in my hands.

       "It's just so frustrating. He expects so much of me and sometimes I just can't give it to him. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him but I still have to do whatever I can just to make him happy. But then again he doesn't support me in what I want to do and what I want to be. I thought that family would support each other, I guess not.. But that's why I'm working hard now. I'm working hard to prove everyone wrong. Not just my dad or my mum but also the people who looked down on me and said that I'll never get to my goal. I was set on it and had the drive to do it."

        "But.. M-my dad left us a few years ago. He got so annoyed at my mum for I don't even know what, he stormed out of the house. Days went by and he never showed. I was always thinking, what if he never comes back and he never did. He never even tried to contact us but neither did we. It was pointless to anyways. He never paid for anything. The bills were all settled by my mum with a little help from my brothers. I'm contributing a little as well but she would never accept it claiming I needed it for myself. But he was my dad and when he left I just shut down. Not completely though. I was always the out-going person with friends but when my dad left I was quiet. I was lost. It wasn't that serious but it was an impact on my life. But in my senior year of high school I told myself that I had to work hard and succeed to make everyone proud. Especially myself. So here I am in Sydney, on a vacation as a treat for myself after working hard for the past few months."

        At this point I was hunched, playing with my fingers, a small smile on my face. I didn't even realize that Luke was rubbing my back. He continued rubbing my back, letting the silence fall upon us once again before he decided to speak up. "You can do it. I believe you can. And don't worry. Wherever your dad is I'm sure he's regretting that he even left and doubted you and your dreams. Also if you ever need anything, I'm willing to help. All you have to do it ask. Okay?" He said tugging my chin up to look at him. He had a smile on his face and his eyes showed some kind of motivation. Like he just had to do anything in his power to help but at the same time assurred me that he would always be there for me.

        I nodded and smiled at him without realizing that tears started to form in my eyes. They were happy tears. Luke pulled me into a hug. Rubbing by back while whispering, "Shhh I'll never leave you." I felt so safe in his arms. "Thank you Luke. Thank you so much." I said hugging him back. I was not letting go anytime soon but he wasn't either.

---------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys! Yesss double update!! This was actually an easy but hard chapter to write because it's based on personal experience with a little improvisation. We all know how it's not easy putting feelings into words but yeah I tried and I really hope you guys like this chapter :-) Tweet me @Gelyn_lyn