Falling Stars (CaptainSwan)

Chapter Seven I Won't Say It

                                                                                Killian Jones

                  

I walk onto the deck to see Lei--Emma at the wheel. I walk over to her and lean up against the side of the ship. The sun beams down, warming my face. She looks over at me. There's that emotion in her eyes that I still can't place.

"Hey Killian," she says softly. I watch as she turns the wheel two notches to starboard.

"We are we going?" I ask her.

"I have some things I need to take care of. So for now we're going to the nearest kingdom. We'll stay there for a little while and then we'll see," she answers. She gets a faraway look in her eyes as she stares at the horizon.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask. She shrugs, not looking at me.

"Have you ever been in love?" She asks suddenly. I'm taken aback by her question; I don't answer right away. I think over her question carefully. Have I ever been in love? My memories suddenly get foggy. But no. I can remember enough.

"No," I tell her. "I have never been in love." Her head whips to look at me, an astonished look in her eyes. She just shakes her head sadly, her eyes filled with pain and looks away.

"Well I have," she says. "I was just thinking about everything that happened with him. There are so many things I wish I had done differently. I waited so long before letting him in, and now he's gone."

"Did he break your heart?" I look into her eyes when she looks at me. There's something about those green orbs that I will one day figure out. I will find out the truth.

"No," she says quietly looking away again. "It's nothing like that." She turns around and smiles sadly. "I keep imagining that one day he'll remember me. I keep imagining what would happen if he did. Every time it's different. One time I imagine he'd be happy to see me. Another time I imagine he'd be angry at me for not telling him the truth."

"The truth can't hurt," I say. "But I'm sure he wouldn't be mad. If I were to lose my memories and I loved someone, I wouldn't want them living with the pain of me not remembering them. I'd want them to tell me."

I don't understand. What do I keep saying that makes her cry? She quickly wipes away her tears and turns around like nothing happened.

"I would never tell him," she says. "Remembering is the worst curse possible."

I wonder for the tenth million time what happened to her that she wants to forget so badly. Before I can ask her, she turns around and grabs my sword from my scabbard and hands it to me.

"What do you want me to do with this?" I ask confused. I hold it in an odd way. I don't know how to use this cursed weapon.

"It's time you learned how to use a sword," she says, coming behind me and taking my hand and moving the sword through the air. "It's hard at first and it might seem awkward, but after a while it seems natural. You'll get the hang of it."

She teaches me a few moves. She's right. It feels awkward to hold the sword and move it around in the air. I don't know how anyone could be an expert with such a weapon.

~~~

                                                                                      Emma Swan

I laugh as Killian attempts to sword fight with me. He's so different from the Killian I know, yet the same person at the same time. It's hard to believe that he doesn't know how to use a sword though. He used to be such a good sword fighter and now he can't even swing it correctly.

I correct him for the hundredth time. It feels like we haven't made any progress at all. But I don't care. Even though he's not the same, it's still Killian, he's still the man I fell in love with and I know now more than ever that one day, I will tell him how I truly feel. Hopefully he'll remember me though. I haven't told him anything about Storybrooke even though he told me he'd want to know. I won't tell him. I meant what I said to him. I will never give him such a burden to carry.

I notice that most of the crew has gone below deck to eat dinner. Killian and I are alone except for one of the crew members--whose name I think is Luis--who is asleep.

"I think that's enough for one day," I say, taking the sword from him and putting it back down. "You're doing good though. You just need to learn the basics and you should be good."

"Thank you," he says with a smile. When he smiles I smile.

I turn around to go below deck, but his hand on my arm stops me. "Emma," he says hesitantly. I turn around and look at him. "Who is it? The man that doesn't remember you?"

I suck in a breath. I know I shouldn't have told him anything. I just couldn't help it. I need someone to talk to and he'll listen. He even tries to make me feel better, but he doesn't know the story behind everything so he ends up making everything worse, but he can't help that.

"No one you'd remember," I say quietly. I can't bear to look him in the eyes. I look at the ground, watching the beams of the setting sun on the boards of the ship.

I feel his hand on my chin, tilting my head to look up at him. I didn't even hear him walk over. We're so close to each other, but there seems to be so much distance between us at the same time. "Emma, I feel like...like we're connected somehow. You say no one remembers you. Was I one of those people? Why else would you treat me with kindness? I just want to know why I feel this way when I'm around you."

My breath speeds up. I can't tell him. I won't tell him. It's better this way. He cannot know what happened. That is something I don't think I'll ever tell anyone. If someone has to live with this curse, I want it to be me, no one else.

"Please," he whispers. "I need to know."

The intensity in his eyes make me want to look away, but I can't. I just stare into his eyes, remembering all those times I looked into them before. It makes me want to grab the collar of his jacket and pull him close to me and kiss him like I did in Neverland. Only I don't. I won't do that to him. It would be too cruel.

"You can tell me anything," he says. I can tell my silence is aggravating for him.

"I can't," I whisper. "It wouldn't be fair."

"What wouldn't? What are you so afraid of telling me? Surely it can't be all that bad. Maybe I can help you. Just please, please tell me if I knew you. That's all I need to know."

"No, Killian," I say. "You did not know me." I see something in his eyes then. I can't tell what it is. It's like a shadow falling over his eyes, a window closing, disorienting the image. I can't tell what he's thinking.

He shakes his head. "You're lying," he says. "I don't know how I know, I just do."

That's when I realize that I haven't been able to tell if someone has been lying or not. Ever since I got here I haven't been able to tell. "No," I whisper. Did Isaac really take away my super power and give it to Killian? If he did, it was probably an accident. Or not....Maybe he gave it to someone else so I wouldn't be able to tell whenever Lily was lying to me. I don't know. But I can't believe this. He'll know whenever I'm lying. This won't help me at all.

          I look at him in surprise. Shaking my head, I walk away from him. I won't tell him anything. He can have his suspicions, but he can't know the truth. No one can.

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A/N: Who watched the premiere? It was so amazing! I'm not going to say anything just in case you haven't, but just know it's awesome and there's a really huge cliff hanger at the end. Anyways, how'd you like this chapter? Comment your thoughts! And thanks for one hundred reads! I meant to post this chapter when I got there, but as you can see, that didn't work. :)