Delightful chaos

Seven

WARNING: if u can't bear reading chapters containing bad language, using drugs and alcohol, skip this chapter.

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Rachel's house was located only a few steps away from mine's but I've never seen her around. Anyway, I was seriously feeling nervous and excited at the same time, and I can't deny the fact that I was scared the whole time about my aunt's reaction to the idea of me going to a high school party. I've never done this before, honestly. Sometimes I think I should be brave and try but then I always end up thinking that I'm never going to be a party-every-Saturday kind of person. I can be that way if I want, but I don't know why deep down, there's something telling me I can't and I will never be.

The night was a dark shade of blue and the moon was shining so bright, it looked so beautiful that I easily got lost staring at it.

We got out of the car heading towards Rachel's house, all the lights were on and I can hear the loud music outside the house, I can't bear listening to loud music. Well, shit.

Just outside the house, there was someone standing right in front of its door talking on the phone. He was angry, so angry. He was wearing a white open shirt with a tie around his neck. He turned around and greeted all of us, Rachel rushed hurriedly to open her house, and we stood there for a second before following her too. I was standing next to Tessa because all these faces were strange, I knew no one here.

The living room was full of high-school students, empty red cups were all over the floor. I was glaring with my mouth wide open at the huge disorganization going on. This is seriously not my kind of stuff. I should leave as soon as I can. I've always pictured high school parties as a disgusting idea and I was right, because everyone looked so disgusting right now. Some were hooking, others drinking, a few dancing in the kitchen counter and so on.

It was all a mess, really.

"I see you got lost staring, huh?" I push away my thoughts about this terrible party and concentrate with Tessa. She had already a drink in her hands and she looked like she was really enjoying this.

"I just... I-I'm not used to it." I answer honestly.

"I know. But-," she suddenly stops.

"What?" I ignore the noise caused by the music and the students' shouting and talking. We move to a chair in the kitchen and sit there.

"Look, I don't see an advantage about what you're doing right now. I know you've been in a rehab for two years and I know that they're not just years but they were supposed to be your favorite teenage phase in your life. But that doesn't mean you're gonna stay this introverted and anti-social your whole life. No."

"I jus-,"

"Let me continue please," she interrupts as I nod to her to just go ahead. "All I'm telling you to do is that you should live a little. Don't keep wasting your life. Look at these people here, they're not enjoying this because they're 'happy'! Most of them have been through the shittiest difficulties in their life... and all they're trying to do right now is to enjoy the opportunity and get drunk."

She lets out a sigh as she says again, "and don't get this the wrong way, please, I'm just trying to offer you some help."

I stare at her in confusion as I try to recuperate my thoughts, "Yeah, I see. But, Tessa, you only know half the shit I've been through. You can't even imagine how hard it was, how I thought nothing would be better anymore, and by nothing, I mean nothing." I breathe. It's getting too hot in this kitchen. "I need to breathe some air, I'll be outside."

All of a sudden, I felt Harry touching my arms and offering me a cup of ... Vodka? What the actual fuck.

"What? No. I can't drink it, I took me two years to get over drugs." I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous offer.

"This is Vodka, Rose! It has nothing to do with drugs." He almost yelled.

So much pressure tonight.

I ignored him as ran hurriedly from all the noise in the house to the little garden outside. I needed to make everything clear for me in my mind, I needed to know what I exactly need from this life. I stood there looking at the moon in the perfect dark sky. I was such a mess. It's been four years now, since all the crap has ruined my life. My parents, my sister... oh no! my sister! How the hell did I forget to visit her! Well, shit! I'm literally about to lose my mind, so many bullshit these days. I can't bear all of this. I can't.

Without noticing it, there were tears streaming down my face, I couldn't control myself and my thought and I hate it, I utterly hate it. I bite my lip trying to stop these stupid tears for falling down my face.

"Why are you crying?" I suddenly heard a cracked voice speak from behind.

And, it was Luke.

He looked at me with his fascinating blue eyes and I looked back.

It fucking bothers me how I can easily get lost staring at his eyes.

A thought about Luke being my serial killer uncle's partner crossed my mind and I forgot how to get lost staring at him.

"Not your business, Luke."

"How did you know my name?" His Irish accent keeps getting the best of me. And I hate it.

"Still, not your business. Why are you here?" I avoid staring at him, so I just look down.

"Uhh... I knew about this party thing going on here so I wanted to visit some guys I kinda know from my recent school."

I wasn't really paying attention to his words, I was thinking about what Tessa has just told me. And I came to the realization that what she said was so true.

And I had suddenly decided that I won't give a damn shit about anything for tonight. I've been drowning in worry my whole life, it only makes me so much more anxious and lost.

I told myself many times: This isn't the life I knew the last four years, this is different. And I should get accustomed to it.

"Luke, let's go inside and drink something?" He looked frozen.

"Uh.. I-I'd... like to. Of course!"