Delightful chaos

Fourteen

I honestly had no idea how I spat those words to Rose on the phone, it was utterly stupid; not only the idea of calling her, or trying to have a conversation with her the other night... but this worry and nervousness I would always get when I'm around her was so fucking stupid, and the worst part is that I couldn't even get rid of it.

I finally went downstairs after hearing my mom's yelling for two hours continuously, for locking myself inside my room for more than a couple of hours. I just ignored my mother's long lecture since I got used to it.

When she seemed like she was done complaining about how disordered and messy my life is, I tried to tell her about Rose, I seriously didn't know where that idea had suddenly emerged from but I just had to deal with the consequences of inviting Rose so I stepped forward towards her as she was sitting in the living room couch, "Um.. one of my friends is coming over in an hour," she was smiling widely since she had always wanted me to hang out with my friends more, and I've been doing it a lot lately.

"That's great, honey! Is it Sam? If so then that's perfect since I needed to ask his sis- " Shit, she thinks it's Sam, how the heck am I supposed to explain to her, I don't usually like hanging out with my friends.

"No, mom. It's not Sam. It's a new friend of mine."

"Oh.. may I know who's your new friend then?"

"It's Rose, she used to be in rehab with me."

She keeps on smiling and I keep on being embarrassed of this fucking stupid decision I made.

"Okay then! Have fun my dear."

"Yeah. Thanks." I quickly rush to the kitchen again and eat my breakfast being extremely nervous because I have no idea what to tell her when she comes, I basically invited her for no such reason.

As I swallowed my coffee, my phone's screen lights up with a text from Rose, and I hesitate to read it, I thought that maybe she was already here and I wasn't ready to meet her.

I quickly open the message as I read her words:

I'm so sorry, I can't make it to yours, have so much work I need to get it done by tonight. Take care!

- Rose, 11am.

I was utterly surprised, but then again, it was all my own fault, I shouldn't have said that to her, it was the stupidest thing to say to someone who isn't even that close to you.

Making friends just wasn't my thing.

I ran to my room again, and locked myself there. I got lost reading a book, I wanted to forget what happened this morning, for I hated myself every time I'd remember that. It was foolish.

______________________________________

Rose

As I my fingers typed down the text and sent it to Luke, I felt the regret being built up in my chest. But I wasn't in the state of meeting someone. Yet still, I felt utterly bad for sending that message, but so I decided to push away those thoughts and worries and focus on doing something else.

I got up from my bed and took my laptop, scrolling down on tumblr and just being bored and lazy as usual.

Suddenly, my eyes drift to the picture of me and my sister Lauren at the corner of my room, and I could never describe how much I miss her and I'm worried about her, I'm the only one she has now and I'm not even present with her when she's in coma.

Without hesitating, I quickly packed my stuff and reached to open the door of my room, as I went downstairs and suddenly my aunt Sarah appears in front of the living room door.

"I'm going to see Lauren." I say to her heading towards the door knob.

"Are you sure you can go to the hospital on your own?"

"I guess I'm a grown up. See you, aunt Sarah!" I try to hurry as fast as I can so that I don't miss my bus.

________________________________

I enter the vast hospital, it was so full of people, patients, nurses and doctors. I have always hated hospitals, it was the place where I realized that my life has turned upside down.

I ask one of the nurses in the reception as they lead me to my sister's room. I walk in the hallway as my eyes search for her room. As soon as I realize I'm getting closer, fear and anxiety build up in my chest. I try to control it but my thoughts only seem to rise up in a negative way; thoughts about traumatizing flashbacks about my parents that will utterly haunt my mind again, but mostly, thoughts about what will happen next – to my sister and I, being left with no parents is the worst thing that could ever happen to two kids who never knew what responsibility means.

I reached the door to her room, so I knock gently in case there was someone else inside.

When I receive no answer, I turn the door knob anxiously and push the door forward. I step inside and the first thing that catches my attention is how gloomy the room looks. I feel bad for everyone in hospitals though, especially those who have been here for so long, just like my sister Lauren.

When I turn around to her bed, she is laying in there with all those medical tools surrounding her, seeing her like this reminds me of when my mom used to make me stay wide awake until she falls asleep.

But now it's completely different, she's in coma and I can't even reach to her or talk to her.