Broken Me

Everything's Gonna Be Fine

"Shoes untied its time

I put the love that I lost in a cardboard box

Ship to you, PS, no return address, no, no.

I gotta let go."

                                                     ---Begin Again by The Summer Set

      "Alex, I said SH!" I groaned, lately nightmares had consumed her tiny thoughts. Her little fist would batter the wooden crib and her cries would pluck my heart strings. Alex's bright blue eyes would always seem aglow in the humid night, her curls deflated hanging lustlessly in her vision. I'd have to go and save her from her torment, placing her on the bed.

     Known for being a "kicker", I would then sleep on the carpet, my hand placed onto the bed to comforter her. It had become a ritual of sorts. Always around one in the morning, never a moment late. Because of this, I had a pain in my back and purple bags under my eyes. I was only concerned as to what was plauging her mind. She was only a child, what could be corrupting her mind already?

     I sat at the small two person table I had bought, sipping luke warm coffee. My alarm had went off earlier today, I had mistakenly set the time for five in the morning rather than the comfortable seven. I yawned, Alex had slept through it. Her own sleeping patterns had become drastically different. Usually an early riser she now woke around 10 am, and I let her. Especially knowing with nightmares, all the sleep she could get would help.

     "Hey Rose," Sam greeted, himself dressed up for work at his father's corperation. Sam was a respectable lawyer, and his debating tactics formed nicely at home and work. Between his constant lovers and work, he was a fleeting father figure for Alex. I guess there was a small upside to Oliver slowly inching his way into the picture.

     "Good morning," I mumbled, taking another sip of coffee. Instead of doing drugs or having violent outbursts, coffee statisfied me. It eased my nerves, usually doing the opposite of wakening me, often putting me back to bed. He raised an eyebrow at my actions but spoke no more. With that he was gone again.

     I felt myself crumble a bit, did he notice how tough this was getting? Not recieving a call back from that girl, Alex's constant nightmares, and all of this drama? Pity welled inside my heart, about to burst from the pressure it was under to make everything okay. Make all the bad things in the world disappear for not only my sake but Alex's. I took another long sip.

     I really hoped Alex would never have this many struggles and odds stacked against her. She was the light in my life and even the image of her slaving away to care for herself make me cringe. I set the cup down as thoughts swished through my head. It reminded me of a bath's drain in my head, every thought would swirl down and make its way into my heart influencing my actions.

     "Mom!" I froze, Alex had recently taken to replacing "Rawr" with "mom" or any form of the word really. Blame lay with Oliver who taught her about "mommy" and "daddy" trying to give her an inkling of Kylie. Guess it back fired?

     "I'm coming Alex," I called, getting up. My hands found themselves knotted into my hair, frustration coming over me. Today was Alex's doctor's appointment, I wanted to look into the medical reasons she could be like this. Raising an insomnic would reflect poorly of my parenting skills. I walked into the room, finding her thumb in mouth and baby blues unblinking. Her pale, frilly pjs were fading, a slight hole was even forming on the sleeve.

     I myself refused help often, I believed I could take care of Alex flawlessly. Reality seemed to like bitch slapping people, and lately that person has been me. She made a disgruntal sound at my pause, I released my hair from my death grip. Whispering mumbled  sweet nothing, I was soon cuddling the toddler.

     "Momma," Alex mumbled, snuggling into my shoulder. I allowed myself a small smile, maybe I wasn't such a piss poor mom as I thought. I bounced her slightly, and soon she was asleep again. I petted her delicate curls, they reminded me of corn silk. Soft and fragile, I untangled most of them by hand, so they were more defined rather than a large mass.

      "Come on, we gotta get you ready," I whispered mostly to myself. Alex gave me a muted response, a fragment of giberish I couldn't quite pick up on. She woke to me dressing her, putting her into a simple gray dress. It was made to have what looked like patches sewn on, giving it a rag doll appearence. I gave her a simple red head band and commanded to brush her teeth.

     Off she went singing bits and pieces of the song "Begin Again," I laughed at her remdention of the song.

     "Hey, hey pull the trigger! Here's to the start of bigger, I'm sorry, I'm not sorry! I play the part, but I can only apologize one million times before it don't mean-" Alex cut herself off, slapping her hand across her mouth.

     "That's right, we don't say bad words!" I warned playfully as she skipped on, laughing to herself. Little kids, what can you do? My mood lightened considerably, as I straightened myself out. In the processes of wrestling to put shoes on Alex, the phone's shrill scream shattered the war of toes and fingers. I glanced up, not recognizing the number.

     "Y'ello?" I answered, mouthing punishments if Alex dared dart off again. She gave me a mischevious smile. Little devil.

     "Um, this is," the male voice sounded somewhat familiar, it was accompanied with the sound of crinkling. . . paper?

     "This is DL? My little sister Aria wanted to learn how to play the piano from you. ." He coughed nervously at the end of his sentence. I froze, a job offer hadn't popped up in awhile. I had lost hope that they'd call back. The girl must've pleaded her way into this.

     "Oh, um, is this the right number? Hello? Hello?" Now the poor man sounded paniced. I laughed, shock wearing off.

     "Yeah, this is her. Sorry about that, um when would you want to start?" I heard the happiness in my voice and smiled. Now I didn't have to worry about the hefty bill the doctor was surely going to charge.

x-x-x-x

A/N: You have the right to pull a Van Goh and chop my ear off. Seriously, no remorse. Won't even scream. Sorry for the late late late update, I have a load of good excuses, but that should've just fueled my writting. So to all my readers, you can kill me. Or not if you want to read the rest of "Broken Me". Anyways, until next time!