Smut warning(not really) and trigger warning(panic attack)?!¿!
Connors POV
"Really?"
"Yeah. I really do. And I want to do this. Okay?" If I don't do this now I might never.
"Are you sure Con? If your not ready that's totally fine. We can wait." Connor kissed his, rougher than they had ever kissed in the past. It was more desperate for the others touch.
"I'm sure. I want to. Okay?"
"Okay. Just tell me if you want to stop and we will okay?"
"Mk. But that won't happen."
Troye leaned up and kissed him. Connor felt Troyes hands lock behind his neck as he was pulled in closer to Troyes touch. He was soon flipped onto his back as Troye continued to kiss him. Troyes tongue soon grazed Connors lips, but Troye wouldn't get it that easily. He kept his lips closed as they continued to kiss. He could feel Troyes hands now moving down his chest slowly and carefully. He could feel one of Troyes hands fall lower and lower on his body until finally he landed on his crotch. He gasped a little at the new feeling and Troye took the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. That sneaky little.
Troye continued to kiss Connor. And although he liked the feeling of kissing his boyfriend, he felt like something wasn't 100% right. But he figured it was just the fact that he had never been this intimate with another human. It was nice, but there was something there that he couldn't put his finger on.
Troyes fingers continued to roam Connors body. But Troye soon probably got sick of them both being fully clothed, stripping himself of his shirt. They kissed once again, even more rough and passionate. Connor twirling one of his hands in Troyes hair, and the other lingering on Troyes neck. Troye started to tug at Connors tshirt. Connor suddenly got extremely nervous. Troye had just seen him shirtless, and yet he felt extremely self conscious and nervous, but he felt like he was just being stupid. He pushed all those feelings away and sat up so he could take his shirt off. He suddenly felt like Troye would be judging him for how he did anything or how how looked as they were this intimate. He was suddenly scared of what came next.
"Babe. I can feel how tense you are. Please. We don't have to do anything. We can stop and cuddle."
"No. I'm fine. Really." Connors kissed him so that he wouldn't ask any more questions, and it worked, as Troye was way too busy holding Connor close as he kissed him deeply. He started to kiss down Connors face, and down to his neck, and down to his collarbone where Connor could feel him hit an extra sensitive spot, and he knew Troye had noticed too, as he was slowly starting to suck and kiss at the same spot. It felt good, but Connor felt like he wasn't putting in everything he could. Troye finished the spot he had made and then continued to kiss down Connors chest. Connor could no longer think rationally or think about all his worries as all he could think of is kissing his boyfriend and making him feel good.
"God. I love you so much Connor." It felt really really nice to hear someone say that.
"I love you too!" Connor said as he kissed his boyfriend again.
"Are you absolutely sure?" No
"Yeah." Troye smiled softly as he continued to caress Connor, all the way down his chest, and back up to his face, kissing Connor again and again. He started to nip at his lip as he pulled his jeans down and off of Connors legs. He detached himself from Connor as he got up to take off his pants as well.
Troye kissed him again. Starting to palm him through the only fabric that was in his way. And it started to feel extremely good, until Connor started to feel like the walls were closing in on him. He felt like if he was to go any further then he wouldn't be able to leave the situation and that made him start to panic. He started to breathe heavier and his vision blurred. He started to shake and he could barley tell that Troye was even in the room anymore. He could tell Troye was trying to comfort him but he also couldn't process what he was saying or doing. And suddenly almost everything was black. But he could feel someone wrap arms around his body. He was now sitting up instead of laying down, he was now holding hands with someone. He was now able to try to breathe normally. He needed water. But he could barley breathe still, let alone talk. He remembered he knew the sign for water in sign language. He started making the sign and he could see Troye trying to figure out what he meant.
"Wat-er."
"Oh shit. Okay. I'll be right back babe." He kept trying to calm down from his panic. Soon Troye returned with a glass of water. Connor sipped at it for a minute, finally catching his breathe, but feeling exhausted. He could tell Troye was trying to keep his distance, probably not wanting a repeat of his panic.
"I'm sorry Troye. I don't know what happened."
"No. Don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong. It wasn't your fault okay?"
"I am sorry though. I didn't want to ruin tonight."
"You think you ruined tonight because we didn't have sex? Connor. I would wait forever to be with you. And if it's a month from now or years from now I would wait. I just want you to feel safe and loved and happy. Whatever it takes."
"I'm sorry." This time it barley came out as a whisper.
"Can I hold you?" Troye asked and Connor didn't want to freak out again but he really wanted his boyfriend to hold him.
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Ummmm. I'm sorry. I was meant to be writing full on smut and I wrote a panic attack instead. So um.... Yeah. That happened.
Idek. Double update.
Hope you enjoyed. Please vote and comment and all that jazz.
Okay. Bye lovelies and happy early Halloween.
Teeny out!
