General POV. Ohh. And if you are still reading this from the beginning please vote and comment. It's what keeps me writing 😁. So yeah. Hope you enjoy.
The car ride was quiet. Soft music from the radio playing, but no one talking. Connor was looking out his window, trying to avoid eye contact and conversation. While Troye was looking at Connor. He could see the difference in his appearance. He had bags under his eyes. He was paler. Looked a bit skinnier. He didn't even have his hair up. He looked like he was in so much pain. And all Troye wanted to do was help him get back on his feet. Troye didn't know exactly why Connor had been fine and then after that night had never been the same. Troye was not in the slightest but mad because of that night. He was mad because Connor decided to leave and not talk to him again. He was mad that Connor wouldn't even listen to anyone's advice. He was mad he felt like he couldn't help.
Troye saw that Connors had his hand close to the center of the backseat. He hesitated for a minute, before taking Connors hand and intertwining their fingers. Connor looked over at their hands. Then at Troye. Then Out the window once again. He looked so sad. Like he thought Troye was going to leave or disappear for some reason. Troye felt the most mad at the people and things that had put these negative thoughts in his head. Because he could see the pain and hurt in Connors eyes. All he wanted was that sparkle that he had those couple of days together. When he could be confident and happy with what he did.
Connor was mad at them. He didn't see why they couldn't leave it alone. He wasn't worth the trouble he thought. He had done fine on his own the past few years. He could et through this and be fine alone again soon. And he had told them that. So why did they still try to help? Why did they care so much? He was just work and a waste of time. Its because they love you Connor. He knew he had to accept it and learn from it eventually. But he had never had people care for him like like this. It was a weird feeling and Connor was scared to feel it. Because when you get feelings for people, either platonic or romantic or whatever, when you develop those feeling it makes you vulnerable. Vulnerable to the hurt that would be along the way. People end up leaving. They leave your life out of the blue, sometimes after they decide to talk crap about you. Maybe this will be different. Maybe these are forever friends. Maybe they do actually want to help me through anything. And in that moment Connor realized how stupid he had been recently. He loved them too. Especially Troye. He made him so happy. And they cared about him. They really did. And now was the time Connor realized that even if this would end in them leaving or heartbreak, it would all be worth it if he did all he could during their time. He realized how insanely stupid he had been to block them out. He thought blocking them out would help. It would make him forget. But all I did was show much be really needed them in their lives.
"I'm sorry." Connor blurted out.
Zoe and Troye both looked over at him. He tried to say more. Explain why he had acted the way he had. But he couldn't get any more words out. It was like coming out all over again. Trying to say something and not even being able to. It felt like when he first came out to himself. And he was standing in his bathroom and he stood there for a good hour trying to say to the mirror that he was gay. It took an hour for him to be able to say it. But it had felt so good to say it. Because now he knew it wouldn't have to stay bottled up forever.
This is how that felt. He was trying to speak. But he just couldn't get the words out.
He looked over at Troye. Who was already looking at him. When he did that he could see practically every emotion within Troyes eyes. He could see the hurt and sadness Connor had put him through. He could see the happyness of them being in the same vicinity again. He could see the regret, probably from that night but he wasn't so sure. It made Connor so sad he had done this to Troye. No one deserved to go through this pain. Not even me. He tried to convince himself but it was going to take a while to get that in his head.
