Zalfie Oneshots

The Demon

A/N:
This one isn't set at any particular time as such but it is written around something very personal and hard for me to write about, so bare with me if it sucks, but I tried :)

Alfie's POV

I could see it coming.

Her eyes weren't sparkling anymore. They weren't there, they were disconnected, distant.

Her face was pale but her cheeks were flushed, and not in the way they shine when she gets embarrassed or shy when I pay her a compliment or whisper in her ear, but in a way that closes in on her and pounds at her skin.

She was getting quieter, quicker, more fidgety. Her hands looped one another over and over again, her toes wiggled about in her shoes and her knee bobbed up and down in a rhythm so fast it would put a sports car up in a fight.

I could see it all dawning on her. We've been together long enough now that I no longer panic when I see the effects begin to take place, but I still get angry. So angry. So, so angry that I just want to reach inside of her and grab that demon of an illness and rip it out of her poor, tired, fragile body to try to help her feel okay. I just want her to be happy all of the time, I want to do anything I possibly can to make her happy, but this gut wrenchingly awful demon inside of her head is something I cannot change, and that pains me.

"Come on Little One" I hold her waist and pull her back close to my chest as I walk us outside into the courtyard safely, quickly. I can feel her breathing start to falter against my chest, and how I wish it was from the touch of my skin on hers, or my breath on her neck, but instead it's the demon, stealing, grasping, squeezing.

She looks up at the sky like she always does, she told me once its because it makes her feel free, weightless. She stands with her head up, her hands meeting mine that are now resting gently on her hips from behind and she squeezes tightly once her fingers are laced over the top of mine. I'm stood slightly back from her to give her the space she needs, but my touch reminds her that I'm there, she isn't alone. I'll always be there.

That's when the waves hit. They don't fade in and out, they just hit, they steal her breath and she goes slightly weak from the blur of her vision and the fuzziness in her head. I support her, hold her still. She pants and wheezes, her face red and tears streaming down her face. Her grip on my hands is tight but I don't care; I keep my eyes glued to her as I focus on her breathing. It's reached it's peek, and it's not slowing. It took over her whole body and shook her from the inside out. She'd been sucked into the dark hole of the demons world, and I wasn't moving from this spot until I helped her out of it.

"Little One? I want you to close your eyes okay? And I want you to think about that black storm going on in there, and I want you to tell it that everything is okay, alright?" It broke my heart to see her helpless nod and her tear filled eyes slowly shut, but I carried on. "It isn't black anymore, it's yellow, bright. It's shrinking and getting lighter, so light you can barely see it" I told her. I'd learnt this technique from a website I'd researched when Zoë first told me she had anxiety. I was determined to try to understand it as much as I could, and to make her see that I am not scared of it, or her, and it doesn't effect anything between the two of us.

Zoe's shoulders began to relax a little bit, her grip on my hands twitched and released slightly. It was working, time to carry on.

"When we get home tonight we're going to have a bubble bath okay? And you can choose the bath bomb, and we will watch a film and eat junk and cuddle up in the sofa, how does that sound?"

Her breathing was slowing but still shaky and short, her eyes squeezed shut still, but a tiny smile appeared on her lips and she gave me a weak nod of her head.

Eventually her eyes opened up, her tears slowed and her panting went back to normal breaths, but her teeth chattered and her body still shook as I took her into my arms, chest to chest, properly - like I'd been dying to since the minute I saw this all coming, and let her snuggle in. Her arms were around my waist, mine around her upper back, and our noses were touching gently.

"I'm sorry." She always says this, every single time, as if the vicious attack her body has just had to endure is her own fault and she wanted it to happen.

I hold her closer and bring my hand up to stroke her cheek lightly with my thumb. "Zoe Sugg, how many times do I have to tell you there's nothing to be sorry for. Yes it's crap that this happens and it's absolutely agonising for me to watch and know I can't do anything to help you, but this is just something that happens and we have to deal with it, and we deal with it together now. It's just another part of you Zo, and it doesn't change anything between you and me. There's nothing to apologise for okay?" I kissed her forehead.

Zoe smiled up at me and shook her head. "How did I ever get so lucky to meet you?" I felt my cheeks flush a bit and she giggled lightly, a sound that warmed my heart.

"And Alf, you do help me, more than you'll ever know. When I'm having a panic attack and I feel your hands on me or in mine, and I hear your voice, it makes me feel like I've got a huge safety blanket wrapped around me telling me it's all okay, and I think you are the most amazing human being in the world for actually researching and finding out about how to help me." Zoe kissed me gently.

"I love you Alfie."

I smiled. "I love you too Zoe."

We kissed again, expressing all the love and gratitude and happiness we had inside of us in the middle of that courtyard, and the demon was gone. She'd won again, my Zoe.