My name is Hell

Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Nagising ako na parang namamanhid lahat ng parte ng katawan ko. Pinilit kong bumangon pero ang sakit ng tagiliran ko. Nauuhaw ako kaya gusto kong bumangon, pero nabigla ako nang may biglang umalalay sakin.

"May masakit pa ba sayo? Do you need anything?" napatingin ako kay Lucas na parang alalang alala sakin.

"W-water." is all I could utter. Mabilis niya akong binigyan nang water. When I was done drinking I slowly went lay my back and closed my eyes. Hindi rin nagtagal ay naradaman kong may doctor sa tabi ko na nagchecheck sakin. He keeps asking questions and all I could do is to answer a nod.

Nanatiling nakapikit ang aking mga mata. I can't look at Lucas without hurting. Two days ago, still in the same hospital pero lagi kong iniiwasan si Lucas. Mabuti at nandito ang pamilya ko to keep me distracted. Pero ngayon ay kami na lang dalawa ang nandito. Naiiyak ako na makita siya. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. I still love Brick. But I also love Lucas. Masyado na ba akong selfish? Siguro nga, oo.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay na humawak sa mga kamay ko and I heard a soft cry, and goddamn I can't help but do the same.

"I know it's wrong to doubt you, but damn I can feel it. You don't even have to tell me you're falling out of love for me. Your cold and silent treatments, you ignoring my presence, it hurts. But nothing hurts more than finding out about the one thing you thought you already knew."

Mabilis kong pinahid ang luha ko at sinubukang abutin ang ulo niya na nakapatong sa kamay ko na hawak hawak niya.

"Lucas.." I tried to call him pero umiling siya. "Look at me." sabi ko pero mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi niya. It hurts to see him like this and it's all because of me.

"Naging masaya ako mula nang makilala kita..." pagsisimula ko. "I really felt the love and being inlove. Walang araw na hindi lumilipas na hindi ako naging masaya sa piling mo. You loved me, cared for me, stayed loyal. All the things I've been looking for a relationship, all the characteristics of a person that I love, you have it. I love you..." I paused for a bit.

Lucas' POV

I know where this is going. For the past few days na iniiwasan niya ako, alam ko nang manyayari ito. Nakikita at nararamdaman ko.

"a person that I love, you have it. I love you..." why does it feel like her iloveyou's always have a silent but in the end?

"but I think we both need space for now." I knew it. Papayag ba ako? Hindi ko na rin alam ang gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ito. Inangat ko ang katawan ko sa pagkakadumog sa kanya pero nanatili akong nakayuko. Hindi ko kayang makita ang mukha niya.

"You know what's scary about space? You don't know if you'll get closer to them or grow away from you. I'm scared that the space you're asking will be a way for you to drift away from me." magsasalita na sana siya pero inunahan ko siya.

"Is it because of Brick? Did you finally realize that you still love him? Kasi tangina! Kahit hindi mo sabihin nararamdaman ko." hindi ko maiwasang huwag mapasigaw. Nakakagago ang sakit.

"I'm sorry." and she started crying. She didn't have to tell me. Her sorry speaks a lot. That her sorry means it is true. That she is sorry because I'm still here loving her while she's confused.

"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you have to stay up crying all night long over someone you love I will stay up with you. That's how much I love you. Pero kasi hindi ko maintindihan. Minahal naman kita ah, saan ako nagkulang?" nanghihinang tanong ko.