My name is Hell

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"What are you talking about Hunter?" di makapaniwalang tanong ko. Im hoping, im hoping he's not just messing around with me.

"What will you do if he's alive?" halos lumundag ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam pero feeling ko ang saya saya ko sa mga narinig mula sa kanya.

"Where is he? Why did you tell me just now? Hunter! Tell me." i said in an excited voice. Ngumiti si Hunter sakin. More like an evil smirk.

"What if i tell you where he is, you're going to run after him again? Get back together?"

"Shut up Hunter, just tell me. Where is he?" Im sounding more desperate now. I need to know where he is. I want to know. I need to know. Nagtitigan kami nang ilang saglit, sumeryoso ang mukha niya bago nagsalita.

"He is...." i cut him off. "He's where?" excited na tanong ko. I cant contain myself. It's like i can see a rainbow coming out from me sa sobrang saya ko. "He is dead." That escalated quickly. Parang biglang naglaho ang rainbow sa paningin ko. Nauna ang rainbow kesa sa ulan. Paanong...

"Stop fucking around with me. I have no time for your stupid joke. Tell me. Where the fuck is Tanner. I swear if you dont answer me honestly, i am seriously going to kill you." galit at mariin na sabi ko. Lahat ng words may diin. I am so mad right now.

"What? Diba yun naman ang gusto mong marinig? Na buhay si Tanner. Na kapag buhay siya, magmamahalan ulit kayo? Ganun ba Hell? Sinaktan ka na niya. Ganyan ka parin sa kanya." and he gave me a lopsided smile.

PAK! Sinampal ko siya. Nanginginig ang kamay ko sa pagsampal sa kanya at sa galit ko.

"Fuck you!" galit na sabi ko. Im trying to calm myself down. Ayokong magwala dito. Not when he started driving papunta sa pagme-meet-an namin. Magdi-dinner kasi kami kasama ang famili ko. Namiss daw nila ako at parang welcome party narin for my friends.

Nang makalabas na ako ng sasakyan ko, naglalakad naman siya sa likod ko. What he said made me even angrier at feeling ko sasabog na ako sa galit sa kanya.

"You need to wake up in your dream bubble, dear. Tanner is gone. He's dead. You saw how he died so stop hoping he's still alive."

Kahit madaming tao ang nasa paligid hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na suntukin siya. Nagagalit ako dahil umasa akong baka nga buhay siya. Umasa ako and that part hurts.

"Hell !ANong nangyayari?" biglang sumugod samin ang mga kaibigan ko para awatin ako sa pagsuntok kay Hunter na hindi naman lumalaban kundi umiiwas lang. Pero natatamaan ko parin siya dahil sa nagdurugo na ang mukha niya.

"Hunter! Ano ba kase ang sinabi mo?" galit na sigaw sa kanya. Umiling si Hunter.

"She needs to wake up. Look around you Hell. Nag aalala rin ang pamilya mo dahil sa pagmumukmok mo. Akala mo ba ikaw lang ang nahihirapan? Kami rin! Isipin mo ang pamilya mo, kararating mo lang dito, tapos ganyan ka na, you dont have time for them. It's like you dont care. You changed. I know you used to be cold. But now,you're more worse."

Napailing siyang tumayo. Tinignan ko sila at napayuko sila. So it's true. Napapabayaan ko na sila? Pero hindi kasi sila ang nasa katayuan ko. Hindi nila alam mga hinanakit ko. Hindi nila alam ang mga nararamdaman ko at hindi nila alam kung ano ano ang mga naiisip ko.

"Akala niyo madali? Oh sure, it's just a simple guilt. Simple death. She'll get over it. She is Hell of course." sabi ko at tinignan nila ako isa isa. Nagulat dahil nagsisimula nang maglandas ang luha sa aking pisngi.

"You guys dont understand. Everybody! Everyone is expecting more from me. Because im Hell? That is bullshit! Just because I am Hell, i cant do anything for myself. I cant do anything to make myself happy. Yung kahit isang beses ako naman? Yung iisipin ko lang ay ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Because all of you has something that has to be blamed on me. Always blame Hell."

"Because what? She's great? She's smart? Because i am strong? No im not strong! There are also times that i need somebody to make me feel like im not alone. Basta. You guys were there, but only to support me, not to go through all of the pain. Wala kayong lahat nang maghirap ako. Sino ang nandun? Si Tanner Morgan. Si Tanner na naging sandalan ko."

"You guys blamed me for everything. The reason why i wanna leave Phillipines is because i want to save mmy brother from a heartbreak. Because what, the girl was leading him on. But nobody believed me. Grace's family talked to me because i was being a bad nfluence to her, that's why i needed to go away. It's not all about me that's why i wanna leave. To run away from my family? From everything? No! I gave up everything just for people's safety, for people's happiness and what will be good for them. I forgot about myself."

"I dont understand why when i was gone and out of people's lives, they still blamed me for everything. Like what the fuck! Im not there anymore. I cant do anything. But still expect more things from me. I met you guys, and Tanner. But Tanner stood by me the whole time. Hindi niya ako iniwan. Lalo pa nang marinig kong namatay ang bestfriend ko, and they blamed me for that. I got traumatized that's why i became cold."

"You guys dont know the process, my journey, because wala kayo. Paano ako magsheshare kung ang iisipin niyo lang rin naman ay, oh si Hell yan. Kayang kaya niya na yan. Malakas yan eh. Sisiw lang sa kanya."

Tumigil ako sa pagsasalita. Hindi na kasi ako makahinga dahil sa sobrang pagiyak ko. Nakatitig lang sila sakin na parang naliliwanagan sa kung anong bagay na gusto ko maintindihan nila.

"But im not that strong to handle every pressure, every problems, every heartbreaks. Everything. Hindi ko kaya. At mas lalong hindi ko kinaya na ako ang dahilan kung bakit nawala ang lakas ko para magpatuloy sa inaraw araw na nabubuhay pa ako. "

"It's not easy to move on because i know it's gone forever. It's not easy to start a new life. I am being cold because i know nobody can help me but myself. In the end, sarili ko lang talaga ang masasandalan ko. I love my family but i dont wanna bother because i know they couldnt help me. Im being distant because im trying to find myself again. Dahil mahirap ang lahat para sakin. Because im Grey Hell Trey Lawrence , the girl that you dont know what she was thinking. But you know what, my world is already sinking. And i reached the bottom."

Naging tahimik nang matagal. Humihikbi na lang ako dahil naubos na ata ang luha ko. Hindi rin sila makagalaw sa kinatatayuan nila. Nilabas ko na lahat nang kinikimkim ko. Im broken, they should know that.

"Ate." napaliingon ako sa likod ko. Nagulat ako nang makita si mommy na umiiyak, si Savior na umiiwas ng tingin sakin at si daddy na yumayakap kay momm. Unang tumakbo sakin si Aisha, ang bunso namin. Umiiyak siya.

"Ate!" at nagsimula na siyang magbreak down habang nakayakap sakin. Nilapitan narin ako nina daddy.

"Im sorry baby girl. Hindi namin alam ang mga nangyayari sayo. We're guilty dahil hindi ka namin nasubaybayan. We thought you like the freedom sa states that's why pinayagan ka namin. Kasi akala namin gusto mo yun. I was wrong, we were wrong. We should of stayed with you. Come here my little girl." malambing na sabi ni daddy that made me cry again. Humagulgol ako sa yakap niya.

I feel loved. Mahal na mahal ko sila. It's true, family will always be there for you. Siguro nagkalimutan lang because of the need. We are too busy growing up, but we grew apart. But im glad nandito na ulit sila.

"Baby, im sorry. Patawarin mo si mommy. Kung sana alam ko lang ang mga hinanakit mo. We pressured you, sorry. We ever meant to leave you." at niyakap narin ako ni mommy.I looked at Savior.

"Sorry, i didnt know. Sorry for blaming you." he said in a whisper. Then he hugged me too. Ang pamilya ko ay nakayap na sakin. This is the feeling you call comfort. This is my home. And im glad to be home at last.

I was going away trying to find myself again, but i came back home. Not totally complete but i found some missing pieces.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok ba ang chapter na toh? Najustify ba ang feelings ni Hell? hehe sana nasatisfy ko kayo kahit papano.

Lahat ng naka italicized words, well i think yun yung mga may impact para sakin haha. Hope you enjoyed this kadramahan chaper hehe...