Shattered Rose

12. PARKER

"Lord, I pray she knows Your unfailing love and how to find refuge in the shadow of your wings. I pray she knows you delight in her and that in Your light, she will see the true light..."

The air hung thick in the apartment on Sunday as I tried to forget the weekend. I'd had another episode and was still reeling from my disappointment. Failure should be etched on my forehead. Danny was calling constantly, and Issy was getting more and more agitated by it. "Why don't you just answer it and talk to him?"I asked after she dramatically turned off her phone and threw it in her room. "Maybe if you just explain things it won't be so hard."Issy sent me an frustrated look. "I did. The idiot cornered me in the laundry room this morning."She examined my face, apparently reading my concern for Danny. "Don't look at me like that. I warned you this would happen.""I guess I don't get it either. You were with him for weeks, and you even told me you don't do more than one or two dates. Obviously you felt something for him."Issy stood up and crossed her arms. "I guess I'm just going to have to spell this out for you. I never felt anything for Danny. I don't feel anything for guys, okay? Nothing. He was convenient. You were all brooding and sad, and I couldn't stand to be in the apartment anymore. Aaron is funny, and Danny is sweet. That's it. The fact that Danny fell for me is an unfortunate side effect, but I was very clear with both of you from the beginning that I don't do relationships."She drew out the last four words with a hard undercurrent in her tone. I knew that Issy had to practically take out a restraining order to get men to stop calling her, but I had no idea she could be so cruel. Reality struck me like a dart to a bulls-eye. I was Jake's Danny. That was what Issy had been trying warn me about from the beginning. They were exactly the same. "You're right, Issy. You did tell me. I'm sorry I pushed him on you."Knowing how easily Issy could toss Danny out just further confirmed how little Jake ever felt for me. It was a game of chess, and Issy and Jake were the victors. Satisfied I wouldn't bug her anymore, she held up two different movies for me to choose from. I picked the comedy. My own drama was enough in my life right now. "Hey, I left driving directions on your desk for Thursday. I'm leaving in the morning, and the phone will get you lost,"she said as she loaded the DVD. I was dreading this conversation, but I had to tell her I wasn't going. "Issy, about that. I really don't think it's the best idea if I go. It will only be awkward with Jake, and that's the last thing you need while you are there. I'm really good just sticking around here."Issy completely turned her body to look at me. "No way. You said you were coming, and I do not have the strength of mind right now to be in my dad's house without some backup."Issy was hard to turn down when she was being playful, but I decided turning down serious Issy was simply impossible. "Okay,"I resigned. "I'll come."The campus was eerily empty Monday morning, with all classes cancelled for the holidays. Determined to make the most of the week, I found my favorite table in the library and got each of my books and papers set up exactly how I liked them. I knew I couldn't recover from my grade in thermo, but I figured the more I learned this semester, the better I'd be for next term. For some reason, though, I couldn't concentrate. Maybe my brain needed a break. I had just spent the last four hours studying in the lab. I walked around the library, not sure what I was looking for until I found myself on third floor with all the medical references. I convinced myself that I was seeking out Sheila, eager to meet the woman Parker so admired, but deep down I knew I was hoping to run into him. I looked around the room filled with shelves of reference material and there he was, leaning over the counter talking with someone. A warm wave ran though my body, and my mood immediately brightened. He looked exactly the same: jeans, a black t-shirt and his typical smile that made the whole world seem right. My reaction to him was so different. I didn't feel nervous or lose all control of my mind and body. Instead, I felt a comfort in his consistency and strangely self-assured. He caught a glimpse of me and waved me over. He seemed genuinely glad to see me as he gave me a sideways hug when I walked up. "What a wonderful surprise! Avery, this is Sheila,"he said proudly, as if to validate everything he had told me about her. I smiled and shook her hand. She was a petite woman in her mid-thirties, with dark skin and a kind smile. Her face was full of character, indicating she had been through a lot in her life. "It's nice to meet you,"I said. "Parker, here, is your biggest fan."She waved her hand as if to bat away the compliment. "He's not so bad either, although I get nothing done when he's here. This one's a talker, let me tell you."Parker pretended to be hurt, and we all laughed, knowing she was right. We said our goodbyes, and Parker walked me over to his table. "I didn't mean to interrupt,"I said, suddenly feeling unsure about seeking him out. "Are you kidding? You're the best thing I've seen all day. Anatomy is about to suck the life out of me."I looked at his table and saw papers everywhere. It was a stark difference from my perfectly organized study setup. "How can you even study in this mess?""I have a method to my madness, I promise. You just can't see it with the naked eye.""Really?"I dropped my elbows to the table and set my chin on my hands. "So, where can I pick up the super spidey glasses that make sense of all this craziness?""Are you calling my notes crazy? I am violently offended. Just for that, you are forced to stay here with me as I muddle through this mess."It was cute how he asked me to stay in such an clever way. His easy mannerism and humor made me feel special and wanted. "Well, sir, my books are downstairs, so I will have to get a pass in order to retrieve them.""I guess that is a valid reason, but since you are a flight risk, I insist on escorting you to the area. Agreed?"I laughed and stood, acting resigned to my punishment. His eyes sparkled, telling me he was enjoying our bantering. I wondered to myself how I never noticed how special his eyes were before. They were a dark midnight blue and didn't hold any of the darkness that Jake's did. We walked downstairs, continuing to kid around as I grabbed my things. "I must warn you, though, thermo has been known to put me in a very bad mood."There was definitely truth to that comment. He leaned into me as we were walking and whispered in my ear. "Then I'll just have to be extra charming today."Bolts of electricity ran from my ear, down my neck and through my legs. I'd never seen him be anything but charming, but I was surprised by how much it affected me. Maybe I wasn't doomed to love Jake forever. We made our way back to his study table. He cleared a space for me by moving all of his notes into a pile. I had to look away from the chaos, focusing instead on getting my system set up again. Parker watched me with fascination. "What?"I asked. "Nothing. It's just you are so careful about where you set everything. It's interesting.""It's obsessive, but it's the only way I can study. Must be my control freak self coming out to play. You've met her before. She's the one who always seems to lose her mind when she feels powerless in a situation."My voice was full of sarcasm, but Parker still picked up on the truth of it. I always said too much with him. "Like at dinner the other night?"The mood suddenly shifted from fun to serious. "Yeah, like at dinner the other night,"I said quietly, using my pen to draw a perfectly square box on my notebook. "So, you and Jake, did you date?"He was being careful with his questions, trying to gage the situation without looking too nosey. I figured we were going to have this conversation eventually, so I may as well get it over with. "Date may be too strong of a word. We went out for a while, off and on. Things just didn't work out."I was being cryptic and not fully honest, but I didn't really feel like telling him the extent of my feelings for Jake. "How long were you two 'off and on'for?""Not long, really, just this semester. It's really not a big deal. We just haven't found our way back to being 'just friends'again."His face appeared skeptical, but he dropped it all the same, opting instead to make a joke about something he had to memorize for class. I watched him as he studied and wondered how he learned anything. He was constantly fidgeting or messing with his papers. About every fifteen minutes, he would come up with something to ask me or would start telling me something interesting about what he was learning. I looked at him, feigning exasperation. "I'm not going to get anything done like this!""Sorry. I'm a loud studier. I'm done. Not another word."He made the motion like he was locking his mouth and throwing away the key. I shook my head affectionately and then returned to my books, starting again in chapter one. Back to the basics. I was on my fifth problem in the chapter when Parker leaned over and drew a little smiley face on my paper with the word "hi"underneath it. I looked up. His eyes mirrored a lost little puppy. "I've never seen anyone with such concentration. That was the longest half hour of my life."I couldn't help but laugh. I had a whole new appreciation for what Shelia was talking about. "Let's get some air,"he said. Parker and I always seemed to do our best talking outside. The quad was normally packed with students, but today the entire place belonged to only us. "So, any big plans for Thanksgiving?"he asked as we found a nice spot on the grass and sat down. "Well, I've been suckered into going to Issy's house to be a buffer between her and her dad, so I'm not especially looking forward to the holiday."I didn't mention the fact that Jake would be there as well, not wanting to revisit our earlier conversation. "It's nice of you to go, though. I get the sense that Issy is lonely."I looked at him like he was crazy. "Issy? The girl literally has a phone call or text every second, and I'm not exaggerating. She's anything but lonely.""Huh. Maybe you're right. I just got that vibe the other day. Of course, popularity doesn't necessarily equate to friendships. It just means you know lots of people."I pondered that thought for a minute and then dismissed it, remembering how easily she had dumped Danny the minute she had no more use for him. There was no way that Issy was lonely. Thinking of Danny reminded me of how easily Jake had discarded me, and I decided I wanted to change the subject. "What about you? Are you going home?""Oh yeah, or the wrath of my mom would overtake me. Actually, I really do love Thanksgiving...almost as much as Christmas, but not quite."He looked up at the sky like he was reliving fun family memories. "We usually have lots of family over and watch football. We also have our annual football game in the afternoon, which can get pretty intense.""How so?""My mom has two brothers, so between all of us, there are eight testosterone-filled guys on the field, and the game can get competitive. My first broken bone came from one of those games. I was twelve.""You're kidding! What did you break?""My finger."I started laughing at him. "Okay, so it wasn't a major injury, but the break hurt all the same."He bumped me with his shoulder and laid back on the grass, covering his eyes to shield them from the sun. "This is one of my favorite things to do. Just lie here in the quad and soak up the heat."I followed suit and laid down next to him. I had seen students do this a lot but never took the time myself to come out here. I always had somewhere I needed to be or something on my mind that I needed to do. Truth was, it was really hard for me to just be still. The sun felt warm on my face, and I could feel the grass through the back of my shirt. It smelled like summer, even though it was cold. The scent of the fresh grass took me back to being a kid, when life was so full of promise and excitement, and part of me wanted to stay there forever. "I can see why you like it. Do you do this a lot?"I was curious about his thought process. He was so different from anyone I knew. "I don't know. It comes and goes in waves. I enjoy letting the world stop around me. Laying here often brings me clarity and focus.""Is there something you need clarity on now?"He rolled over to his side and rested on his elbow. I did the same and faced him so he would know I was listening. "Well, there's this girl I met who I can't seem to get out of my head."His voice was playful, but I got the sense he was being serious. My pulse quickened. I wanted to be that girl. "Why can't you get her out of your head?"He inched himself closer to me and looked deep into my eyes. His look wasn't intense or sensual, just appreciative. "She's spectacular, and even more amazing, she doesn't know it."He leaned in slowly and time ceased to exist. I felt his breath first. It was minty and warm. Then his lips touched mine. Soft and careful. It mirrored his treatment of me, reverence, respect, and only lasted a few seconds. The chill in the air was gone, replaced only by a cocoon of tenderness. My eyes opened. He was staring, his face full of care and concern. Goose bumps sprung up on my arms even though I felt nothing but warmth. "You're not so bad yourself."I whispered. We rolled to our backs, and Parker's hand moved over to mine. He was right; there was something very calming about sitting still and even more so about his presence. The comfort level I had with him seemed impossible, and yet here I was, feeling a serenity that surpassed my wildest expectations.