Shattered Rose

21. THE AFTERMATH

"Lord, I pray she will always know that Your power is made perfect in her weakness. I pray she knows You will not only share in her suffering, but also in her comfort..."

I spent three more hours with Issy and Jake in her hospital room, until exhaustion finally took over. I must have fallen asleep while talking to her, because next thing I knew, Jake was rubbing my back to wake me up. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? I'll call you if there's any change."I nodded and grabbed my things. On my way out, I held Issy's hand one more time and scolded her, "Now, if you don't wake up before I get back, I'm not doing any more late night movie nights. You hear me?"Her response was a steady beep from the heart monitor, and I turned away sadly. Jake caught me before I got to the door and pulled me to him. We held on to each other as if our sanity depended on it, each using the other to give us strength. I pulled away and left the room quickly before I had a meltdown. I was halfway through the parking lot when I heard my phone start buzzing from my purse as a flood of messages finally downloaded to the phone. There were three missed calls from Parker this morning and a text asking me if I was okay. I knew I should have felt grateful, but I only felt irritated by them. I called him back anyway, and he immediately picked up. "Hey, are you okay?"he asked, his voice full of concern. "Yes, I'm fine. I've just been with Issy this morning, and I guess my phone doesn't have any service in there. I'm just about to go home now and get some sleep.""Are you at the hospital now?""Well, if you count the parking lot, I am,"I teased, trying to get him to stop worrying. "Avery, why don't you just come to my place? You can rest here and then head back to see her after you've had some sleep.""Doesn't that break one of your rules?"Parker had set his place as off limits after things got too heated on his couch one night. "These are extenuating circumstances. I think we can control ourselves."I could hear him starting to relax, and I had to admit the idea of only driving five minutes, versus thirty, was appealing. "Okay, I'm heading your way now."Parker was waiting outside his door when I pulled in the parking lot. He was in sweats and a t-shirt, and I could tell he hadn't shaved yet this morning. He took my bag out of my hands when I walked up and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back, but he still seemed disappointed. "Is Randy here?"I asked when I realized his apartment was empty. "No, he's gone until Sunday. He didn't want to come back until right before classes started again."I looked up at him, remembering that class started in only a couple of days. That meant the syllabi were already posted, and I was probably already getting behind again. "Don't look so panicked. We'll pull up your classes tonight and make sure you're on track."He was always taking care of me, and I felt my heart warm to him again. "You're too good to me,"I stated, knowing more than he did how true those words were. He responded with a satisfied smile and led me back to his room. I had never been in there before but wasn't surprised when I walked in. It reminded me of his parent's house, with rich browns and creams, and I could feel him all around me as his scent tickled my nose. His bed was made neatly and his desk was covered in papers and books, as if he had been studying all morning. "Still working your system?"I asked playfully, nodding towards his messy desk before I leaned down to take off my tennis shoes. "Still a hater, I see,"he bantered back, pulling back the covers for me so I could get in his bed. While our conversation was light, I knew something was off. The natural comfort that we always had was missing, and everything this morning felt forced. I pushed the thought out of my head, chalking it up to fatigue and stress, and laid my head on his soft pillow. He started to leave, but I looked up at him and asked if he would lie with me for just a little while. He sat on the bed, staying above the covers, and ran his fingers through my hair as I closed my eyes. "I noticed you weren't wearing your necklace,"he said softly after we sat a moment in silence. "Oh, yeah, I took it off to shower, and was in such a rush I just forgot to put it back on."It was a bold faced lie, the first I had ever told him, and while he seemed to believe me, I knew something was changing. I was doing it again, pushing away the one person who knew my secret. He continued to rub my head, making me relax as I felt my eyes start to get heavy. Parker telling me I wasn't alone and that he was here for me were the last words I heard before I let sleep fully encompass me. A buzz from my phone woke me out of my slumber, and I answered it groggily as I tried to get my eyes to focus. "Hello?""Hey, babe, it's Jake. I just wanted to give you an update on Issy."His voice was soft, but he sounded a little excited, which immediately got me to focus. "Did she wake up?"I asked, sitting upright in bed. "No, not yet, but the doctor thinks she will soon. They were able to take her off the respirator, and she even moved her fingers a little.""Oh, Jake, that's wonderful! I'm going to head back there now.""Great. I'll see you when you get here."I hung up the phone and felt my heart skip a beat. Issy might be safe. My body immediately relaxed as I felt the best I had since we'd found her. It was two in the afternoon, and I had slept for four hours, further adding to my renewed vigor. I made Parker's bed and grabbed my bag. I didn't see him when I walked out of the room, but then noticed his feet on the edge of the couch. He was lying on his back with a book on his chest, indicating he fell asleep while reading. I walked up to him and knelt down, watching him as he slept. He looked so strong and handsome, and he exhibited a peace I'd never experienced. Feeling more drawn to him than I had since the ball, I leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. His eyes fluttered open, and he shot me his smile that once again made everything seem possible. Touching my face, he pulled me in for a much deeper kiss, and this time I was able to give him back all he was giving to me. The more I responded, the tighter he held me and more fiercely he continued to kiss me. Desire rolled in my stomach, and I pulled back, knowing that he would any minute if I didn't. He looked at me lovingly and said, "I could definitely get used to being woken up like that."I smiled and then looked down at my fidgeting hands, feeling a little embarrassed. "I wanted to tell you goodbye before I headed back. Issy's made some progress, so I wanted to go see her.""Just give me ten minutes, and I'll go with you,"he offered, sitting up and stretching. "Oh, you don't have to,"I stammered, not sure why I didn't want him there. "Avery, I want to go,"he assured me, stroking my cheek before he stood up. "Ten minutes, I promise. Hey, you can print out your syllabus while you wait."He headed off to the bathroom and I didn't argue, knowing I really didn't have a good reason for not wanting him to go anyway. I looked at his computer and scowled. I didn't want to think about school. I just wanted everything to be back to how it was on Christmas break. I looked up my classes anyway and was pleased to see Thermo was the only one that had anything posted. I had a different professor this semester, and I could already tell the class load would be lighter. Relief flooded me as I noted that I was still well ahead of the class. I had already done the reading assignment and problem set due the first week and felt pretty comfortable with the material. My "back to the basics"strategy from last semester was definitely going to pay off. Work-study started up again next week as well, and Dr. Davis'grad student had actually requested me by name to work the final phase of his thesis. I should have been glad, but the idea of another hundred and fifty hours in the lab made me kind of want to scream. Oh well, it was better than being known as the class flake. I heard Parker's door shut and looked up to see him walking my way. He looked more like himself, clean shaven with jeans and a black t-shirt. He noticed me at the computer and raised his eyebrows. "Everything okay?""Yep,"I said, standing. "So far, so good. Hopefully I can keep it that way.""Are you kidding me?"He wrapped his arms around me. "You've got me this semester, and you know what a good study partner I am."I laughed as I thought about how distracting he was in the library, but he was right. I always did better with him than without him, in every sense. I gave him a big hug, feeling the comfort return. He really was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Parker and I reached Issy's floor and could hear the shouting before we even got off the elevator. My stomach dropped as I immediately thought the worse. Parker grabbed my hand for reassurance as we walked toward the chaos. The scene was like something out of a movie. Issy's dad shouted demands to nurses and doctors, while Jake stood toe to toe with him, arguing about everything he was saying. Issy's dad was the most intimidating person I had ever met, and even though Jake was only a couple inches shorter, I still felt as if her dad significantly had the upper hand. "Mr. Summers,"Jake stated adamantly. "Moving her now is ridiculous. She's already made great progress in the last twelve hours, and all of her friends are here. I'm here."Issy's dad ignored him as he barked at the nurse to get the transfer paperwork going. She practically ran out of the room, and finally he turned and acknowledged Jake. His voice was calm, but cold and condescending, and the undertone of hatred was enough to give me chills. "Friends? Really? The same friends who put her in this place to begin with? And you? Where were you when all this was happening, huh?"I could tell his comment got to Jake because his face immediately became stiff and vacant. "Don't you dare lecture me about being there for her."Jake's tone matched that of Issy's dad but with more volume. "If you weren't such a colossal failure of a father to begin with, Issy wouldn't feel the need to drown herself in alcohol. Who do you think has been there the last four years picking up the pieces of the broken lives you left behind?"I realized I was holding my breath. The tension in the room was so electric that, at any moment, I felt it could burst into flames. Issy's dad was looking venomously at Jake, who stared defiantly back at him. Before they could say another word or do worse, I heard Parker clear his throat to alert them to our presence. They both looked over and showed equal contempt when they saw us in the doorway. I knew Jake's wasn't towards me, but it didn't stop me from shivering anyway. "You have no business being here, young lady. Issy's done nothing but go downhill since you moved in that apartment with her,"he stated authoritatively. My heart stopped as I stood in stunned silence. I felt Parker tense and then position himself in front of me as he addressed her father. "Sir, I understand that you are upset and frustrated, but there is no reason to talk to her like that. Avery wasn't even at that party, and if she hadn't thought to check on her when she got home, we'd be at a funeral right now instead of a hospital. She saved her life."Parker's tone was compassionate but stern, and there was no indication that he felt intimidated by Issy's overbearing father. The mood in the room changed as Issy's dad turned away and sat down in the chair nearest to his daughter. It was the first time I saw him as a worried father and not a dictator ordering people around. I felt sorry for him. I turned to Parker, who failed to even mention his part in all of this. He was the real hero, not me. Jake, on the other hand, was still shaking and walked right past us, out of the room, not failing to shoot Parker a stare of pure hatred as he left. I turned to look at him, and he held my gaze for just a second before turning away. I felt torn in half, wanting to run after Jake and comfort him, yet wanting to stay next to Parker's calm demeanor and trust that everything was going to be okay. My thoughts were interrupted by the nurse coming back in to inform us that the transfer was complete, and they would be airlifting her to Duke University Medical Center in two hours. Everyone in North Carolina knew that hospital was superior, and even nationally recognized, so part of me was glad Issy was going to have the best medical care possible. Parker guided me towards Issy's bed despite my hesitation, and I stood opposite her dad as I took her hand. I couldn't stop the tears as my heart feared it could be the last time I ever saw her alive. Issy's dad was massaging his temples and then started talking. This time his tone was resigned and broken. "The doctor said that the CPR she received on site was critical to her having any chance of recovering, and if it had been even ten minutes later, she wouldn't have survived."My heart skipped a beat as the "what if"scenarios started running through my mind. "I'm sorry I yelled at you,"he continued. "I just don't understand how it got this bad."I just nodded, unable to say anything else for fear I'd totally lose it. Parker grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down my name and phone number on it. He handed it to Issy's dad who reluctantly took it. "We'd like to stay in the loop if you don't mind keeping us updated on how she is doing. We really do care about her and can do anything you need on this end to help."Issy's dad nodded his head and put the phone number in his wallet. He stood up, looking more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him, shook Parker's hand and then walked out the door. Parker immediately enfolded me in his arms, and I cried until I felt I had no more tears left. He didn't say a word-just allowed me to access all of his strength, so I could get through it. He was more than Issy's hero. He was mine, too. When I had finally calmed down, I kissed Issy's forehead and told her I expected to hear from her real soon. Parker kept his arm around me all the way to the car and quietly drove us back to his place. I spent the evening with him, not wanting to leave and go back to the empty apartment waiting for me. We were curled together on the couch, watching a movie, and I felt so grateful to have him. I looked up at him, not trying to hide any of the emotion I felt, and kissed him with everything I had. He kissed me back and then looked in my eyes, a smile slowly appearing on his face. "There you are,"he said softly. I looked at him questioningly and sat up a little. "You've just been distant since last night, but it's nice to have you back,"he explained, stroking my cheek. Settling my head back on his solid chest, I turned my attention to the movie. It scared me how well he knew me, as if he could read my mind and sense the minute I felt nervous or afraid or even confused. He didn't hold anything back from me and wanted nothing more than for me to do the same. I once again felt torn, unsure if I could ever fully meet that expectation. It was midnight before I finally drove home, and I made sure to text Parker as soon as I got there. I flipped on the light to the apartment and immediately felt grateful that I had done so much cleaning the night before. Everything looked normal, despite the glaring reality that it wasn't. I looked over towards Issy's room and noticed the hole in the wall had been fixed and now just needed a coat of paint. It registered at the same time that the trash bags I had filled were gone as well, as were the beer kegs. It was almost as if the events from the last twenty-four hours had never happened. I sighed and walked in my room, eager to finally shower and crawl into bed. The water was like a life force through me and seemed to rejuvenate every part of my body. I put on my pajamas and got ready for bed, stopping in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I heard the door lock turn and felt my stomach drop. I hadn't realized how eerie it was to be in here knowing Issy was gone and not coming back any time soon. Jake saw my startled face as he opened the door and apologized for scaring me. "I didn't think I'd see you back tonight,"he said as he walked over to the wall near Issy's room. He was carrying a small can of paint and a paintbrush with him. "Thanks for cleaning up, Jake. It was nice to have it gone when I got home,"I said softly, walking over to him. I felt nervous being alone with him. "I didn't do much. You had most of it done when I got here. I'm sorry you had to do anything at all. It was our mess." He still hadn't really looked at me, just kept focused on painting over the patch in the wall. "It's fine," I assured him. "It was actually a good distraction." He nodded his head and continued to work. The silence felt awkward, and I started towards my room, unwilling to stay in it any longer. "I'm going to bed. Are you staying here tonight?" I asked tentatively, realizing it was a dumb question as soon as I did. Why would he stay without Issy? He finally looked up at me, his eyes still dark and broken. "Do you want me to?" he asked softly. I felt nervous and flustered and had no idea what to say. Of course, I wanted him there for comfort and security, but at the same time, I knew saying so would imply other things that were well beyond what I could cope with at that moment. He set down the paintbrush and walked over to me, lightly caressing my face and hair . "I'll stay. You don't have to ask me to. I know what you're feeling," he whispered as he pulled me in for a hug. I allowed him to be there for me, to hold me up and give me the strength I desperately wanted. He stood firm, continuing to caress me as I buried my face in his chest. "I'm here, Avery. Always."