blowjob • 5sos

15

|Michael|

It's been three days since band practice. I haven't gone to school; I haven't eaten much; I haven't been able to sleep; all I seem to be able to do is cry. It seems like a stupid reason to get upset, but I feel so betrayed and broken. I know I should get over it, but I can't. I wish none of this had ever happened. I wanted to be the one with Halyn.

Even if now I can see that she's not as lovely as I thought she was.

It's not just over Halyn, though. It's everything that I'm going through crashing down on me and making it all that harder. Sure, my parents are good to me, but I know that I'm still not enough for them. I was planning to drop out, for fucks' sakes! Everything hurts. I cry again, because I don't want this life.

I've gotten countless text messages from Halyn and the boys. They're worried about me.

They should be.

I ended up throwing my phone at the wall. It broke.

I told my mum not to let anyone in.

My room is in the worst state possible; broken glass and torn paper litter the floor. My chair and desk are overturned. Posters that once lined the walls are half ripped, and pictures of me with my friends are in the wastebasket. I'm sprawled on my bed under as many blankets as I could find. Maybe if I hide enough, I won't have to deal with my life anymore.

I'm sure I have bags upon bags under my eyes. You could probably use them as the luggage for a family of five to go on vacation. I haven't showered. I'm sure I stink but my nose is clogged. My hair is an absolute mess. I could probably be someone's Halloween costume right now, that's how scary I most likely look.

I curl up into a tighter ball. I want to walk away from all this, but I can't give up. My parents would miss me. I would let down everyone. I don't want to be remembered as the guy who gave up because it got hard.

But I also don't know how much longer I can take it.

So instead of doing anything about it, I bury my head in my pillow then scream until my throat is scratchy and shot. I scream until it hurts, and I scream some more. The sound of pure agony.

I blast my music louder, and I cry.