blowjob • 5sos

21

|Halyn|

I wake up, and feel somewhat disappointed that I did. I wish none of this ever happened. When I look down at my arms, I can finally see that I tore myself apart (like a hurricane).

They're covered by bandages, but I can tell that they're messed up from the pain that hits me harder than Ashton's hands. (okay I'm sorry I had to) I find myself emotionally exhausted. I miss best friend Ashton. I miss the possibility of being with Michael. I miss not having sex with every guy I know.

I'm awake, I'm finally calm--and I can finally feel disgust at myself. Michael deserves better. I have no idea what I'm going to say to Ashton. I have no idea what sparked his sudden "let's fuck" attitude. It was weird, considering how he always dropped hints about how guys were hot and how he was totally a top.

I know I shouldn't wonder--he fucked me, he had to be straight--but I can't help wondering if there's a reason he always tried to be sexual with me or--

Speak of the devil. Ashton burst into the room, before doubling over, panting and muttering about how "exercise was created by Satan" and "I really need to work out more."

"Ash?" I ask, becoming nervous. I hurt him so much.

"Halyn! You're," he starts, but stops himself. I'm sure he was going to say "You're finally sane." I get right to it, being eaten alive by the guilt.

"Ashton, I'm sorry I led you on and I'm sorry I hooked up with you and it's all my fault and I really just want to go back to being best friends before I screwed up and had sex with you," I say, looking down at my ruined hands and blushing, no doubt. "I just... I think this was all a mistake?" Ashton does something I don't expect. He smiles, rushing over and giving me a hug.

"Thank god, I feel the same way. I'm sorry for using you to my advantage, and for my emotional sake," he mumbles into my hair. I pull away, confused, and wince at my arms.

"What are you talking about, Ashton?" He takes a deep breath.

"Halyn, I'm gay." I just nod, smiling, and giggle a little.

"Okay. That's completely okay," I tell him. He positively beams, going in for a more crushing hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I love you," he mumbles into my hair.

"Love you too, but you're hurting me," I squeak. Ash apologizes profusely, snatching himself away.

"Uh, Halyn, I also bright you someone. And you need to talk with this person. Urgently. Okay bye!" He rushes, sprinting out of the room. I'm left in confusion. Who did I need to talk to?

Michael opens the door slowly, and I curse myself. I should've seen this coming.

"Halyn? Oh my god, Halyn, are you okay?!" he asks frantically, coming over and seeing my bandaged arms, blood seeping through.

"I, um... I had a bad anxiety attack? Or two?" I explain feebly. I can't shake the feeling of wanting Michael. Or the feeling of wanting him gone. He would be better without me, right? All I did was hurt him and make him sad.

"Listen--" we both start at the same time. I laugh weakly.

"You can go first."

"Um, okay. So Ashton told me about how he wasn't straight? And I realized that I was stupid for getting upset over you two fucking, which is actually really weird, now that I'm thinking about it with Ash being gay. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for getting upset and causing you to end up in the hospital." He tells me. "I had no right to blow up on you like that."

"Thank you for apologizing, Mikey," I say.

He continues.

"And I got really mad because, well... I love you." He looks at me, and I stay silent. Fuck.

"Oh." I manage. I can see his face start to fall. I force myself not to be selfish, I force myself to do what's best for him. "Michael, you're a great friend, but we can't be together in that way." He looks like he's going to cry. I repeat to myself over and over inside that I'm doing what's best for him.

"Michael, I think you should go. I'm sorry I can't be with you."

"Halyn, I thought-- but I love you! Isn't this the part where we get to be together and we kiss and everything is okay? I'm sorry, but, isn't it time for our happy ever after?" Michael asks desperately. I can see the tears form in his eyes, and I restrain myself from telling him the truth, I restrain myself from accepting his words and giving in and kissing him.

"I'm sorry Michael. I don't love you."