blowjob • 5sos

20

|Michael|

Knowing that Ashton was gay changes everything. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I finally feel at peace with him, but I'm still kinda hazy from that kiss. Did it mean something to him? I know that I'm bi, but did I feel anything in that kiss?

I'm driving over to the hospital, (yes I showered and changed) and instead of thinking about Halyn, I'm focused on Ashton.

Even if I do like him-- key word if-- if I like him and our band takes off and we eventually break up, we break up the band. Or maybe if I say no then we don't go anywhere because we can't work together.

And now, about Halyn. I found myself attracted to her, wanting her, not in the male-instinct-hot-girl-want-sex way, but in a I-can-see-a-future-of-us-and-that's-something-that-I-would-do-for-you way.

I think Ashton kissing me is swaying my thoughts. An intimate act is making me contemplate feelings that were definitely not there before. Ashton and I were driving separate cars. I call him and put him on speaker.

"Michael? What's up?" He picked up.

"Ashton? Did that kiss mean something to you? Or is that something we both should forget?" I find myself asking. Ashton is silent for an excruciating minute.

"Mike? Are you questioning--" he starts to reply. I cut him off, shaking my head even though he can't see me.

"No-- no no nononono, Ash, I've already came out as bi to my family and the boys," I interrupt. I can hear Ashton's sharp deep breath in.

"oh."

"Ashton, I just want to know how you feel. I'm not going to confess my love or anything, that's a disclaimer. I just want to know if you kissed me to get me to shut up, or if you kissed me because you wanted to, if it was to help you with your sexuality," I say, pulling into the hospital parking garage.

Ashton's line went silent, and we both get out of our cars. He looks at me, and explains.

"At first, it was just to shut you up. I wanted to get it through your head that I was anything but straight. But then, kissing you-- it felt so much more right than it ever felt with a girl. I don't think I really like you, but I know I liked the kiss," he says. "I want us to be friends, still, to be in the band." I nod, pulling him into a friendly hug. He's going through so much right now.

"Ash, I'll always be your friend. I know we just got to know each other recently, but I'll be here for you far into the future. And maybe if we grow old, and by 50 we can't find anyone, we can marry each other," I tell him, and I can feel his tears starting to soak into my shirt.

"Thank you, Mike. Yes-- Thank you so much," he blubbers. I just hold my arms around him, giving him protection from the world and promises that things will get better.

We stay there for a while, two guys hugging and crying in the middle of a parking garage.

And we don't care what anyone must've seen, because to us, it was a fresh start to a friendship that would last a forever.

I know that lots of people don't believe that you can love someone for a forever, but we can try to stay friends for that long.

Sometimes forever comes to fast, all empty promises and empty kisses. But I know that we can hold on until then, being friends.

We have to.