blowjob • 5sos

24

|Calum|

I know I should be thinking about all the shit with my friends, but, if I'm being honest, that's probably the last thing on my mind right now. I could care less about the who-fucked-who and the I-had-dibs, because I'm finding it harder and harder to live with my own thoughts.

I haven't told the boys yet. I don't know how, or what to say.

They'd be absolutely crushed.

My parents think I told them already, but I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing, because how do you outright say "oh, sorry, I'm abandoning your dreams for mine."

It's not like I was that important in the band, they could play without me, probably. Mike could pick up the bass.

But that's how I'm sitting on my hands in my room, staring down a suitcase and thinking to myself that this is really it.

I could always turn back, but this is my dream. I've always wanted this, and music was always just a hobby. Now, with the band, and Ashton, it's more than that to them. But I don't know what else to say.

My parents told me that I should chase my own dream, just be selfish for once. I'm going to listen.

I'm always there for Luke when he doesn't know what to do with or about Alisha.

I've always been there for Mike. Since I met him in year three, I was there to validate him and help him with his anxiety.

But I don't want to be a supporting character anymore. I should be allowed to make my own story and not just play along.

I'm going to chase my dreams.

I'm going to be the best me I can, I'm going to be who I want to be.

And as I walk with my mum to the car, in tears and giving Mali the last hug for a while, I think I might be making a mistake. But it's not a mistake, it's just moving on with my life to do something. To be something.

Last minute, an afterthought before I board the plane, I send one person a text.

To: caution, do not mike-ro-wave

I'm sorry. I'm going to Brazil to be a footie player. This is my future now. I love you, but I have to go. You've got to understand.

If only I realized before I boarded the plane that Michael broke his phone, and that Michael would not get that text message.

lol you were wondering where Calum was