blowjob • 5sos

18

|Ashton|

I stumbled out of Halyn's room, mind reeling. I thought we were best friends? Why won't she talk to me? What did I do? I slide down the wall next to her room, shoving my head into my hands. I fucking messed up. I knew she liked Michael. So why did I have sex with her? I needed to love her. I needed to change who I was. I was trying so hard to change myself, that I fucked my best friend. And told her I liked it.

She said she wanted to-- she told me. She's the one that initiated it. I thought she would love me, make everything in my world normal again. I thought for a bit that maybe fucking Halyn could help me alter my identity. But I knew I couldn't, I knew that it killed me. It seems like I always keep part of me hidden. I open my phone, calling Michael. I needed to talk to him, to explain.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," I mutter under my breath, praying that he does. It rings, and rings, and rings.

No answer. Again.

This is it. I'm going over there. Obviously Halyn doesn't want me here. I need to fix something. I don't want everyone to hate me, I just want them to smile.

In order for them to smile, they need you gone, the little voice in the back of my mind insists. I snap a bracelet on my wrist in attempt to quiet that part of me down. My body screams at me to do something, to stop moping and make something happen.

That's how I end up pulling into Michael's driveway half an hour later, intent on enlightening him. I get out of the car and go up to the door, pounding on it desperately, knowing I look like utter shit. Karen opens the door.

"Ashton?" She asks, raising her eyebrows. "What a surprise? Are you here to get Michael to act humane again?" I nod vigorously. Keep up the act, Ash.

"I wanted to help him, you know? Girls make guys insane sometimes, I have to show him that it's okay to rejoin society, yeah?" I smile, spewing bullshit. Karen smiles back.

"He told me not to let anyone in, but it sounds like you're just trying to be a true friend. Head on up, he's in his room," she tells me, opening the door wide enough former I come inside. Ido as she says and go up to Michael's door, knocking twice.

"Mum, go away," his voice warbles from inside the room. I take a deep breath.

"Michael, it's Ashton. I need to talk to you. Civilly."

An audible "I hate you motherfucker," wafts through the door before he says more clearly, "get your bitch ass in here." I do as told, opening the door to see that his room is in ruin. I cringe, a frown etched onto my face as I walk over the mess to the large blob of covers containing Michael Clifford. I perch on the bed, and try to find where to start.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I know you like Halyn and that I totally broke the bro code, which was a dick move. I don't even like her as more than a friend. If it makes you feel better, Halyn won't talk to me, either," I begin, staring at my hands and glancing up to where a greasy tuft of hair sticks out of the duvet.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You don't even like her? You're completely right, you are a dick. You're a fuckboy and I hope you rot in hell. Good for Halyn that she doesn't wanna see your ugly excuse for a face," he snaps, and I can feel him glaring.

"Michael, it's not like that-- I didn't like having sex with her, she's the one who started it! I just wanted to be a normal hormonal teenage boy for once," I groan in reply, shaking my head. Michael laughs, short and cold.

"You didn't fucking like it? Then why were you making out with her in the bathroom? How are you nothing less than a hormonal teenage boy taking out his sexual frustration on his best friend?! You disgust me," he hisses, finally revealing his blotchy face to stick his tongue out at me childishly and flip me off. I move myself closer to him, desperation taking over.

"Listen, Michael. I don't think you fucking understand. Halyn is in the hospital because of the pain you put her through. I know you hate me, but I think you need to get your fucking act together. I will say this, loud and clear, to help you get the situation through that pretty little head of yours. I do not feel any sexual attraction to Hayln. She likes you and I'm going to respect that. I'm sorry for trying to change who I am by getting into her pants. Do you understand now?" I growl, getting into his face and speaking slowly and quietly. This fucking boy will be the death of me.

"She's in the hospital? And what the hell do you mean, you don't feel attraction to Hayln?" He asks, going to get out of bed and go the hospital, most likely. I stop him.

"I'm... I just don't," I say, and it's killing me that he hadn't picked up on all the hints I've left. He throws his hands up in frustration.

"You don't make any fucking sense! For the love of God, will you just spell it out for me--" he exclaims, exasperated, before I cut him off. I grab his hips roughly, steadying his body as I cover his mouth with mine, directing everything I feel into one place. His lips.

To put it simply, I kissed him. And kissing Michael felt 100 times better than kissing Halyn. Kissing Michael felt right. At least, for the few seconds before he pushed me off. Michael stares at me in awe and realization, wiping his mouth off on his sleeve.

"You're gay."